Saying "I Love You"

"I love you". Can any words possibly sound sweeter or offer greater comfort? Is any statement more natural--or necessary--between a parent and child? In many families, these words come easily. But if you grew up never hearing them, saying "I love you" may feel somewhat unnatural to you. Or if members of your family used loving statements to control or manipulate, you may be very uncomfortable using them with your own children.
Many families either don't communicate loving feelings very often or they communicate them in destructive ways. A counselor friend once told me she was appalled to discover that some of her clients had never heard the words, "I love you" from their parents: "I couldn't imagine parents who couldn't say 'I love you' to their children, probably because I grew up hearing it all the time. But in the middle of my shock and self-righteousness, I realized that in my family, that statement was always loaded with expectations for me to do something. Most of the time when my parents said 'I love you' they would stand there and wait for us to say 'I love you, too'. So that statement always came off as a solicitation, rather than an expression of how they really felt about us."
If either of these extremes describe your upbringing, chances are, you aren't using loving statements as often--or as "cleanly"--as you might. A few simple guidelines can help.
Let's hear it! We all need to hear loving statements from people we care about. It may be easy to assume that your kids know you love them. After all, you do love them and you probably do a lot of loving things for them. That's important.
But feeling love for someone is not the same as expressing it. Nor is doing loving things. Loving feelings and loving behaviors are not loving words--and those are important, too.
If you find it hard to get the words out of your mouth, either from lack of familiarity or fear of rejection, start slowly. A parent in one of my workshops confessed to practicing on the dog for a few days before she could get up the nerve to try it out on her kids! Another started by writing love notes to her children, sneaking them into their lunch bags or under their pillows. Both reported such a strong, positive response from their children, that saying "I love you" came much more easily after that.
Let's hear it some more. None of this "I-told-you-I-love-you-in-1985" stuff, OK? This isn't like going to the dentist twice a year. So maybe it's still not easy to say, even with the practice and little successes. Maybe hearing "I love you" even gives your kids the creeps (this is more age specific than anything else and less likely to happen if you don't say it in front of his entire 5th grade class). Say it anyhow. As a gift to yourself, communicate your love daily. At least.
Keep it simple! "I love you" is a complete sentence. We don't need to tie our feelings for a person to the person's behavior. In fact, whenever we connect it to something the other person has done, "I love you" becomes a statement of conditional caring.
"I love you when you make your bed", or "I love you when you make the honor roll", suggest that you love your child because of his behavior or accomplishment. It also suggests that the love wouldn't be there--or be quite the same--if the child hadn't made the bed or the grades. (Don't you love your kid in either case?) You can still be excited and happy about the behavior, but avoid communicating that your loving feelings for your child exist because he's doing what pleases you.
"I love you". Period.
No "buts" about it! By the same token, watch the tendency to use "I love you" as a lead-in to a confrontation about something your child has done that you find disturbing. If you need to address the child's behavior or set a boundary, by all means do so. But deal with the behavior--not the worth of the child, or your feelings for him or her.
If the child needs to clean her room or miss the movie because her chores were not done, deal with the situation, not your feelings. You don't need to say, "I love you but..." to soften the blow. Your feelings are not an issue here.
Besides, because of the way the brain processes the words we hear, whatever you say before the word "but” automatically gets canceled out anyhow. (In other words, if you say, "I love you, but your room is a mess," all the child ends up hearing is, "Your room is a mess.")
Using "but" in the same sentence as "I love you" is confusing and manipulative. As in the previous example, this type of statement suggests that the child is only lovable conditionally. Cut to the chase. Avoid tying the feelings you express to the way the child is acting--good or bad.
No expectations. Say "I love you" because you want to say "I love you." Say it because you feel love toward the person you're talking to. Say it because it feels good to say it.
"I love you" is a powerful statement and lots of times it will evoke a loving response from the recipient. But attaching an expectation for a response to the statement is a set-up--both for you and the other person. If the expectation is there, your child will know it. If he does respond, it will probably be to avoid guilt or conflict rather than genuine, spontaneous caring. Is that what you really want?
If your children haven't learned how to say "I love you" yet, it's OK to tell them that you need to hear those three little words sometimes, too. Then give them some space to risk, practice and learn. By far their best lessons will come from your own unconditional modeling.
Turn the love inward. Next to unconditional love, the best gift you can give another person is the love you give yourself! In fact the ability to love, appreciate and care for yourself is essential to healthy, loving relationships with others.
So, look in the mirror. Look into your eyes. Say "I love you." No "buts." No qualifiers. Say it out loud. Say it often. Mean it.
What better way to affirm how worthwhile and lovable you are. And what better way to practice one of the most basic, most precious and important parenting skills there is.
When your children aren't very loving...
"I HATE YOU, MOMMY!"
OK. You're really working hard on your boundaries and recognize that sometimes responsible parenting means saying "no" to your child's request for Milk Duds for dinner or a plea for a 4 a.m. curfew. If your child is doing her job, you can count on her to occasionally resist you efforts at setting even reasonable limits. And sometimes that means she is going to fight dirty, especially if it's worked in the past.
"I HATE YOU, MOMMY!"
Nothing will trigger anger, shame, shock and a sense of inadequacy faster than this statement. It's hard to hear someone you love tell you that he hates you and not take it rather personally. Children know this. They figure out, often at a very early age, that this is a short-cut to a lot of attention (negative attention though it may be) and often to getting their own way.
So, how do you respond?
It's actually pretty simple--at least on paper. First of all, resist the temptation to talk about how this statement "really hurts me and brings up all my abandonment and inadequacy issues." Sure, tell your therapist or your sponsor, but don't dump on your 4-year-old. (Even if your children happen to have degrees in psychiatry, do you really want to make them responsible for your feelings? They're not, you know, and the burden can be overwhelming even for healthy, well-adjusted adults with excellent personal boundaries!)
Instead, acknowledge the feelings behind the statement: "You sound pretty angry," "You're upset about that'" or even "I understand."
Disengage--especially if you find yourself getting upset. Watch out for the temptation to hurt back. Saying "I hate you too, sometimes!" may be exactly what you are feeling at the moment, but it won't help you, your child or your relationship for you to become a 4-year-old who is acting out. If you need some support, encouragement, reassurance or understanding, call on your adult resources.
And leave the door open for further discussions with your child at a later, and calmer, time: "Let's talk about this in a little bit."
If you are able to stay "unhooked" and refuse to change your mind because your child has said that she hates you, she's far less likely to continue using this statement to manipulate your feelings and behaviors. Plus, you'll be able to hang onto the idea that you're still a wonderful and lovable person--no matter what your kids say!
*Yes this works on Daddies, too.


Proud Mama To

Deciding to Spare the Rod

Imagine if someone with authority said to you that you could not use corporal punishment to discipline your children. Stop and think...how would you handle it?
Would it cause dramatic changes in the way you discipline your kids? Would you go into a panic? Would you give up disciplining all together?
Eliminating corporal punishment means more than forgoing bottom spanking. It includes a slap on the wrist, the smack on the face and any other body parts that may be struck.
Numerous studies have revealed that if we were raised with corporal punishment we will most likely raise our children the same way. What we know about being parents generally comes from the parents that raised us.
Some of you may be asking at this point, so what’s really wrong with a swat on the bottom? It’s fast, effective and has nothing to do with child abuse. However, very few people can say with confidence that they have never hit their kids just a little harder than they intended. It’s possible for well intentioned loving parents to get angry enough with their children to use spanking as a means of releasing their own anger. Although these parents are well aware that the purpose of discipline is to teach, when corporal punishment is used, the danger of using and abusing children is greater.
Most parents will agree that children learn a great deal through imitation, especially when they see their children dress up in their clothes, repeat familiar phrases or even pantomime cigarette smoking. When mom or dad spanks little Tommy they are using hitting as a form of communication. They are in fact teaching him through imitation to communicate with his hands (hitting) instead of with words.
When our children see us become so angry with them that we strike them, we not only lose sight of why we are disciplining them, but we show them that it is an appropriate way to deal with anger.
So where does that leave our imaginary situation where corporal punishment is not permitted? In order to teach our children right from wrong we know that discipline has an important place in rearing a child. The following case studies offer alternatives for parents who would like to, or are considering dropping corporal punishment from their lives.
Time-out (For you)
You walk into your bedroom and find red nail polish splattered all over your recently purchased white cashmere sweater. Needless to say you are quite upset and can feel a rush of adrenaline through your body commanding you to act immediately. This is probably not the best time to discipline your children. Give yourself time to deal with your own anger; take deep breaths, a hot bath, dust the house. The point is to deal with your own anger first so you don’t risk taking it out on your children. Then you can begin to think about how it happened. Was it an accident, a deliberate cry for attention or are your children mad at you?
Consider the possibilities. After you are calm and have a reasonably open mind call for your children. Having taken some “time-out” to deal with your own emotions you will be better equipped to deal effectively with the situation. Your children won’t be exposed to an irrational role model and most of all you will be capable of choosing the most appropriate form of discipline or simply finding out if something is bothering them.
Time-out (For them)
Four year old Lisa proceeds to throw a temper tantrum every time you tell her "no". It doesn’t matter whether you’re at the supermarket or a friend’s house; she kicks and screams until she eventually wears you down. Four year old Lisa has learned how to push your buttons. Fortunately, it’s not too late. Children who throw temper tantrums invariably want and receive attention. Whether the parent ends up consoling or yelling, the child receives attention for her negative behavior. This in turn reinforces her belief that temper tantrums gain your attention.
Lisa’s parent might try designating a place in the house where she can express her tantrum. Every time she is getting ready to have one, tell her you recognize her right to express her emotions (to be angry) and take her out of the environment and into a “Temper tantrum zone.” Stay with her without giving her attention. Read a magazine with one eye and watch her with the other (you want to prevent or intervene if she begins to hurt herself).
Temper tantrum zones can also be found outside the home. For example, if the tantrum begins in the grocery store, ask an employee to watch your cart while you take the child outside. Again watch her and listen to her but don’t give her any direct attention. When she has calmed down is the time to give her a treat like a box of Animal Crackers. Giving them to her during the tantrum again only reinforces the negative behavior.
A method for preventing tantrums in public places before they become a problem involves the use of "tickets". Before making your next trip to the store, cut three circles or squares out of cardboard or heavy paper for each child. Decorate them with stars, sparkles and a smiling face.
Before giving the children the tickets tell them the rules you want them to follow (as simply as possible) while you are in the store. When handing over the tickets to them, let them know that every time they break a rule you’re going to take a ticket away. Tell them they must have at least one ticket left if they want to play outside when you get home. If they lose all three tickets they will stay inside. For they child who is extra good and doesn’t lose a ticket, surprise her with an ice cream cone or something you know she likes.
When you use time-out to discipline children you are taking negative attention away. That is, you are not spanking or yelling. When attention is taken away however, it needs to be replaced somewhere else. Lisa’s parents might try going out of their way to give her attention for all the good things she does; thanking her because she was quiet while you were on the telephone or telling her what a great job she did putting on her own socks and shoes. If she’s getting enough positive attention she won’t need to seek it in a negative way.
Taking Away a Privilege (vs. a Right)
The first time your six year old son Mark drew a masterpiece on the kitchen wall you thought it was so cute that you signed and dated it. After a few attempts to get him to use paper, you decide that it’s time to rid him of this bad habit.
After Mark’s parents explained to him and he understood that writing on the walls is a no-no, and he continued to do it, taking away the privilege of using crayons will help to teach him why it is wrong. Explaining to the child why the crayons are being taken away and for how long demands a lot more from the parent than a swat on the bottom. In the long run however, the child will learn that if he wants to keep his crayons the walls are not for scribbling.
It is important here to discern between a right and a privilege. Basic needs such as shelter, food, clothes and sleep are rights. It is our responsibility as parents to care for the needs of our children and not withhold the things that sustain them.
Sending Mark to bed without any dinner when he is hungry is depriving him of a basic right; the need to eat. Privileges, on the other hand are the desserts after the meal. A trip to the ice cream parlor, watching a cartoon show on television or having a set of crayons are all fun but not essential to his daily growth.
When Mark drew on the walls it would not have made sense to discipline him by not letting him play with his friends that afternoon or taking away his television privileges for a day or two.
The punishment must make sense if the child is to learn from it. Taking away Mark’s crayons for doodling on the walls will cause him to think about how he must act if he wants to use his crayons. An important point to remember when using this method of discipline is that young children generally have very short memories. When a privilege is taken away from them for two or three days they may forget about the punishment the second day. It’s the parents job to remind the child (as many times as necessary) why he has lost the privilege and for how long. With young children three days is a fairly long time and should be used as a guideline.
Not giving in on the second day of a three day punishment is the key to using this method successfully. It’s imperative to let them know that the terms of the punishment stand (no matter how hard they try to talk you out of it) while continuously showing your love for them.
Additional Chores
Seven year old Jimmy has broken several items around the house probably due to a combination of carelessness, inattentiveness and roughhousing. This time he has broken a favorite vase of yours. After you have dealt with your anger and let him know you are upset at what he did, to discipline him by having him help with the vacuuming and dusting might not help you, but it might change his behavior. Jimmy’s carelessness could be a sign that he doesn’t feel important to the household or family. It could be this child’s way of communicating that he needs more attention.
As with taking away privileges this method is demanding on both the parent and child. It requires reminding the child how long, why and what the punishment is. It also requires the parent to let the child do these extra chores which may or may not be helpful.
In this case to discipline by adding chores is a double edged sword. On one hand tour teaching Jimmy through discipline that breaking things is not appropriate behavior and on the other hand you’re making him feel more a part of the household by giving him more to do. In addition, if the chores you add involve parent - child interaction, like helping with dinner or folding laundry, you’re also spending more time with him and giving him the attention he was asking for.
Energy Releasing Activity
You’ve noticed that after dinner your children begin yelling, fighting and eventually saying no to bedtime. They may have left over energy which they need to release.
Sometimes children get so wound up from either too much or too little activity that an 8:00 p.m. bedtime seems impossible. Pent up energy can cause the normally obedient child to find trouble.
In this case the parent might try having the children run laps in the backyard, do jumping jacks or other calisthenics, dance fast to music or perform any other non-destructive but physically demanding activity. The key to this method is to divert the children immediately from the negative behavior while giving them a positive way to release their energy.
Reasoning
Nine year old Bob ate an entire batch of chocolate chip cookies after you had told him he could only have a couple. Now Bob has a stomachache.
Sometimes with an older child the most appropriate way to discipline is simply to talk it out. If your child is punishing himself for his wrongdoing, all you may need to do is calmly discuss the situation. Bob’s stomachache is probably enough punishment for disobeying you. By reasoning with him you explain the cause and effect relationship between his disobeying you and why he’s not feeling good.
With these methods and all methods of discipline discussed above, talking with your child about the wrongdoing and the discipline will help you both assess what the child has learned from it.
All the corporal free methods of discipline discussed share the same guidelines in working effectively. First the discipline (if there is one) should be decided on and then begun immediately. That is, telling a child “If you do that one more time...” only invites her to do it again.
Second, following through with discipline not only shows a child that you are serious about changing her behavior but also causes the child to think and learn from it. No child will take discipline seriously if she knows she can usually talk the parent out of it.
Consistency is the third guideline. This entails using similar discipline for similar transgressions. This will actually make decisions about discipline easier for the parent since future punishment is based on past discipline. It will also give the child a clearer understanding of what behaviors are expected out of him.
The final guideline is having the punishment make sense. As discussed earlier, the punishment should be designed so the child learns from it.
To discipline without hitting is easier for both parent and child if corporal punishment was never used at all. However it is possible to effectively discipline without hitting even if corporal punishment was the only method used previously.
By persevering in your discipline and using a combination of the alternative suggested in this article parents can become better role models for their children by teaching them how to handle their own anger. The transition from corporal to corporal free discipline may take time and patience, but will, in the long run, make better communicators out of the entire family.



Proud Mama To

Just 4 more days...

And my baby girl will be going to kindergarten every day! She had her staggered entry day Tuesday. Mama is sad, she is excited. Noww, what to do all day lol



Proud Mama To

Recalls and warnings!

This message consists of the following:

1. Infants Strangled to Death in Simplicity Bassinets: CPSC Urges Consumers To Stop Using Simplicity 3-in-1 and 4-in-1 Convertible “Close-Sleeper” Models

2. Six Retailers Agree To Stop Sale and Recall Simplicity Bassinets Due To Strangulation Hazard

3. Countertop Water Dispensers Recalled by Greenway Home Products Due to Fire and Shock Hazards

4. Regal Lager Recalls to Repair Phil & Teds Strollers Due to Laceration Hazard

5. Children's Hooded Sweatshirts and Jackets with Drawstrings Recalled by Orioxi International Due to Strangulation Hazard

6. Wooden Infant Toys Recalled by Habermaass Corp. Due to Choking Hazard

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1. Infants Strangled to Death in Simplicity Bassinets: CPSC Urges Consumers To Stop Using Simplicity 3-in-1 and 4-in-1 Convertible “Close-Sleeper” Models

NEWS from CPSC
U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission
Office of Information and Public Affairs
Washington, DC 20207

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
August 27, 2008
Release #08-378

CPSC Recall Hotline: (800) 638-2772
CPSC Media Contact: (301) 504-7908

Infants Strangled to Death in Simplicity Bassinets: CPSC Urges Consumers To Stop Using Simplicity 3-in-1 and 4-in-1 Convertible “Close-Sleeper” Models

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) is urging parents and caregivers to stop using convertible “close-sleeper/bedside sleeper” bassinets manufactured by Simplicity Inc., of Reading, Pa. CPSC has learned that on August 21, 2008, a 5-month-old girl from Shawnee, Kan. was strangled to death when she became entrapped between the bassinet’s metal bars. This is the second strangulation death CPSC has learned of in the co-sleeper bassinets. On September 29, 2007, a 4-month-old girl from Noel, Mo. became entrapped in the metal bars of the bassinet and died.

CPSC is issuing this safety alert because SFCA Inc., the company which purchased all of Simplicity Inc.’s assets at public auction in April 2008, has refused to cooperate with the government and recall the products. SFCA maintains that it is not responsible for products previously manufactured by Simplicity Inc.
The Simplicity 3-in-1 and 4-in-1 convertible bassinets contain metal bars spaced farther apart than 2 3/8 inches, which is the maximum distance allowed under the federal crib safety standard. The metal bars are covered by an adjustable fabric flap which is attached by velcro. The fabric is folded down when the bassinet is converted into a bed-side co-sleeping position. If the velcro is not properly re-secured when the flap is adjusted, an infant can slip through the opening and become entrapped in the metal bars and suffocate. This warning does not cover bassinets produced in recent months that have fabric permanently attached over the lower bar.

Due to the serious hazard these bassinets pose to babies, CPSC urges all consumers to share this safety warning with day care centers, consignment stores, family and friends to ensure that no child is placed to sleep in a Simplicity convertible bassinet covered by this warning.
The Commission voted, using its new authorities in the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act, to release this warning upon making a finding that the health and safety of the public require immediate notice.

To see this release on CPSC's web site, including pictures of the recalled product, please go to: http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml08/08378.html

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2. Six Retailers Agree To Stop Sale and Recall Simplicity Bassinets Due To Strangulation Hazard

NEWS from CPSC
U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission
Office of Information and Public Affairs
Washington, DC 20207

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
August 28, 2008
Release #08-381

CPSC Recall Hotline: (800) 638-2772
CPSC Media Contact: (301) 504-7908

Six Retailers Agree To Stop Sale and Recall Simplicity Bassinets Due To Strangulation Hazard

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) is urging retailers across the country to protect the health and safety of babies by stopping sale and recalling nearly 900,000 dangerous Simplicity bassinets. Yesterday, CPSC warned parents, caregivers and consumers to immediately stop using convertible "close-sleeper/bedside sleeper" bassinets manufactured by Simplicity Inc., of Reading, Pa., due to a serious safety risk. Today, CPSC is announcing that the following retailers have voluntarily agreed to recall the product and provide a refund or store credit to consumers who return the product to the store where purchased:

Wal-Mart Stores Inc., of Bentonville, Ark. – (800) 925-6278 or www.walmart.com

Toys "R" Us Inc., of Wayne, N.J. - (800) 869-7787 or www.toysrus.com or www.babiesrus.com

Kmart Corp., of Hoffman Estates, Ill. – (800) 659-7026 or www.kmart.com

Big Lots!, of Columbus, Ohio – (866) 244-5687 or www.biglots.com

Target of Minneapolis, Minnesota sold at www.target.com only

J.C. Penney, of Plano, Texas – (888) 333-6063 or www.jcp.com

Below is a listing of Simplicity 3-in-1 and 4-in-1 Convertible "Close-Sleeper" model bassinets that are included in this recall. The model number can be found on a label on the underside of the bassinet.

RECALLED Model Numbers:

3000CL
3112DOH6
3011WHE
9250A
3016LAU
3046GTM
3010BIJ
3112DOH7
3011WHK
3012SOM
3016MIR
3046HAN
3010HAV
3122BAN
3012BIJ
5750SAR
3017NCB
3047MON
3010NGS
3122TGC
3012OXF
3012TGT
3020SFB
3050LIL
3010TGT
3010BIJC
3012SFD
3013PRO
3025BER
3050SAR
3010WHE
343-8363
3040SAR
9250B
3025C
3060GFS
3040LAU
343-8399
3040SPR
3014LOL
3026CRT
3060TFS
TD2500
3045FEL
3050SWT
3014NGS
3027MIS
8393
3040WDS
3111DPC
3060BTL
3015GFR
3030SAR
3040SPRC
3045DRM
3012LLTC
3112BDY
3070MAN
3040CLA
3040LAC
3111ZOL
3050SWTC
3045OXFC
3112DOH
5730FKB
3045DRMC

CPSC learned that on August 21, 2008, a 6 ½-month-old girl from Shawnee, Kan. was strangled to death when she became entrapped between the bassinet’s metal bars. This is the second strangulation death CPSC has learned of in the co-sleeper bassinets. On September 29, 2007, a 4-month-old girl from Noel, Mo. became entrapped in the metal bars of the bassinet and died.

The Simplicity 3-in-1 and 4-in-1 convertible bassinets contain metal bars that are covered by an adjustable fabric flap which is attached by velcro. The fabric is folded down when the bassinet is converted into a bed-side co-sleeping position. If the velcro is not properly re-secured when the flap is adjusted, an infant can slip through the opening and become entrapped in the metal bars and suffocate. This warning does not cover bassinets produced in recent months that have fabric permanently attached over the lower bar.

Due to the serious hazard these bassinets pose to babies, CPSC urges all consumers to share this safety warning with day care centers, consignment stores, family and friends to ensure that no child is placed to sleep in a Simplicity convertible bassinet covered by this warning.

To see this release on CPSC's web site, including pictures of the recalled product, please go to: http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml08/08381.html

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3. Countertop Water Dispensers Recalled by Greenway Home Products Due to Fire and Shock Hazards

NEWS from CPSC
U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission
Office of Information and Public Affairs
Washington, DC 20207

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
August 28, 2008
Release #08-376

Firm's Recall Hotline: (866) 279-0088
CPSC Recall Hotline: (800) 638-2772
CPSC Media Contact: (301) 504-7908

Countertop Water Dispensers Recalled by Greenway Home Products Due to Fire and Shock Hazards

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, in cooperation with the firm named below, today announced a voluntary recall of the following consumer product. Consumers should stop using recalled products immediately unless otherwise instructed.

Name of Product: Countertop Water Dispensers

Units: About 44,000

Manufacturer: Greenway Home Products, of Northwood, Ohio

Hazard: The internal heating element could overheat and drop molten metal through ventilation openings in the water dispenser’s base onto the countertop, posing a fire hazard. The internal heating element also poses a shock hazard to consumers who touch it through the vents.

Incidents/Injuries: Greenway has received one report of a fire involving the recalled countertop water dispenser outside the United States that resulted in property damage. No injuries have been reported.

Description: The recalled countertop water dispensers include the following Vitapur, Greenway and Polar models. They dispense hot or cold water and use three or five gallon water bottles. The model name is printed on the front of the dispenser’s base. Model and serial numbers are printed on a white label on the back of the dispenser’s base. File number 218326 is printed on a silver sticker on the back of the dispenser’s base.

Models:

Greenway GWD2630W
Polar PWD2635W
Vitapur VWD2636W
Vitapur VWD2636BLK
Vitapur VWD2636RED

Serial Number: Starts with 0606 through 0711
File Number: 218326

Model numbers followed by a “1” or “2,” (i.e. GWD2630W -1 / PWD2635W-2),or dispensers with no ventilation openings underneath the base are not included in this recall.

Sold at: Discount retailers nationwide from June 2006 to November 2007 for between $70 and $80.

Manufactured in: China

Remedy: Consumers should stop using the recalled water dispensers immediately and contact Greenway Home Products to receive a free repair.

Consumer Contact: For additional information, contact Greenway Home Products toll-free at (866) 279-0088 between 9 a.m. and 4 p.m. ET Monday through Friday, or visit the firm’s Web site at www.greenwayhp.com

To see this recall on CPSC's web site, including pictures of the recalled product, please go to: http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml08/08376.html

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4. Regal Lager Recalls to Repair Phil & Teds Strollers Due to Laceration Hazard

NEWS from CPSC
U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission
Office of Information and Public Affairs Washington, DC 20207

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
August 28, 2008
Release #08-377

Firm's Recall Hotline: (877) 242-5676
CPSC Recall Hotline: (800) 638-2772
CPSC Media Contact: (301) 504-7908

Regal Lager Recalls to Repair Phil & Teds Strollers Due to Laceration Hazard

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, in cooperation with the firm named below, today announced a voluntary recall of the following consumer product. Consumers should stop using recalled products immediately unless otherwise instructed.

Name of Product: Phil & Teds e3 Single Buggy, e3 Twin Buggy and sport v1 Single Buggy Strollers (an additional 425 e3 Twin Buggy Strollers were recalled on May 5, 2006)

Units: About 44,000

Importer: Regal Lager Inc., of Kennesaw, Ga.

Hazard: The stroller’s hinge locking mechanism poses a laceration hazard to the user folding and unfolding the strollers.

Incidents/Injuries: Regal Lager has received nine reports from consumers who injured their fingers in the stroller’s hinge locking mechanism.

Description: The recalled single strollers all have metal frames with three wheels, a cloth seat and canopy. The twin strollers have a metal frame with four wheels, side-by-side cloth seats and double sun canopies. The strollers were sold in a variety of colors including red, orange, green, black, charcoal and navy. The Phil & Teds logo is located on the crotch piece of the harness.

Sold at: Baby furniture and baby products stores nationwide from August 2003 through August 2008 for between $400 and $650.

Manufactured in: China

Remedy: Consumers should stop using the strollers immediately and contact Regal Lager to obtain a free hinge cover repair kit and instructions.

Consumer Contact: For more information, consumers can Regal Lager toll-free at (877) 242-5676 between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. ET Monday through Friday or visit the firm’s Web site at www.regallager.com

To see this recall on CPSC's web site, including pictures of the recalled product, please go to: http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml08/08377.html

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5. Children's Hooded Sweatshirts and Jackets with Drawstrings Recalled by Orioxi International Due to Strangulation Hazard

NEWS from CPSC
U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission
Office of Information and Public Affairs
Washington, DC 20207

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
August 28, 2008
Release #08-379

Firm's Recall Hotline: (800) 875-4352
CPSC Recall Hotline: (800) 638-2772
CPSC Media Contact: (301) 504-7908

Children's Hooded Sweatshirts and Jackets with Drawstrings Recalled by Orioxi International Due to Strangulation Hazard

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, in cooperation with the firm named below, today announced a voluntary recall of the following consumer product. Consumers should stop using recalled products immediately unless otherwise instructed.

Name of Product: Children’s Hooded Sweatshirts and Jackets

Units: About 43,000

Importer: Orioxi International Corp., of Brea, Calif.

Hazard: The sweatshirts and jackets have drawstrings through the hood which pose a strangulation hazard to young children. In February 1996, CPSC issued guidelines to help prevent children from strangling or getting entangled on the neck and waist drawstring in upper garments, such as jackets and sweatshirts.

Incidents/Injuries: None reported.

Description: The recalled garments were sold in children’s sizes small, medium and large in the following colors: white, ivory, red, black, navy, brown, green, charcoal, blue, and pink. “BAC” is printed on the sewn-in tag on some of the garments. “Breckenridge”, “Keystone”, “Jackson Hole”, “Vail”, “Steamboat”, and “Mackinac Island” is printed on the front of the garments.

Sold at: “Shirt off My Back” retail stores located in Colorado, Wyoming, and Michigan from September 2005 through May 2008 for between $20 and $30.

Manufactured in: China

Remedy: Consumers should immediately remove the drawstrings from the sweatshirts to eliminate the hazard. Consumer can return the garments to the place of purchase for a refund.

Consumer Contact: For additional information, contact Outfitter Trading Company at (800) 875-4352 between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. MT Monday through Friday or visit the firm’s Web site at www.shirtoffmyback.com

To see this recall on CPSC's web site, including pictures of the recalled product, please go to: http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml08/08379.html

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6. Wooden Infant Toys Recalled by Habermaass Corp. Due to Choking Hazard

NEWS from CPSC
U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission
Office of Information and Public Affairs
Washington, DC 20207

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
August 28, 2008
Release #08-380

Firm's Recall Hotline: (800) 468-6873
CPSC Recall Hotline: (800) 638-2772
CPSC Media Contact: (301) 504-7908

Wooden Infant Toys Recalled by Habermaass Corp. Due to Choking Hazard

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, in cooperation with the firm named below, today announced a voluntary recall of the following consumer product. Consumers should stop using recalled products immediately unless otherwise instructed.

Name of Product: Wooden Puzzles, Infant Rattles, Pacifier Holders, and Stroller Toys

Units: About 118,000

Manufacturer: Habermaass Corp. Inc., of Skaneateles, N.Y.

Hazard: The wooden rattles, pacifier holders, and stroller toys contain small pieces including glued on mirrors and/or prisms that can detach, posing a choking hazard to infants. The head of the ladybug puzzle pieces also poses a choking hazard.

Incidents/Injuries: Habermaass Corp. has received 15 reports of incidents involving the recalled puzzles, rattles, and pacifier holders including pieces of the rattles detaching and being mouthed by young children.

Description: The puzzles, rattle toys, pacifier holders, and stroller toys are wooden and are described in the chart below. “HABA” is printed on them.
Sold at: Specialty toy stores nationwide and at specialty online retailers from January 2002 through August 2008 for between $10 and $35.

Manufactured in: Germany

Remedy: Consumers should immediately take the recalled puzzles, rattles, pacifier holders and stroller toys away from children and contact Habermaass to receive a free replacement product or a full refund.

Consumer Contact: For additional information, contact Habermaass Corp. at (800) 468-6873 ext. 107 between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m. ET Monday through Friday, or visit the firm’s Web site at www.HABAusa.com/safety

Model: Description
Triolino Puzzle: Lady bug puzzle is 7 inches x ½ inch thick
LUCY Clutching Toy (rattle): Hearts have mirrors and prisms. The rattle is about 4 inches in diameter.
Little Heart Clutching Toy (rattle): Heart has mirror. The rattle is about 3 ½ inches in diameter.
Pixie’s World (rattle): 2.5” rattle with mushroom, flower, person and house with mirror.
Belinda Clutching Toy (rattle): Flower clutching toy has face in the middle. The rattle is about 4 inches in diameter.
Miro Clutching Toy (rattle): Rattle center contains blue plastic ball with 10 holes. The rattle is about 3 ½ inches in diameter.
Bunny Pacifier Holder: Pacifier holder is 8.6 inches long with fabric bunny on the end and wooden star with mirror in the middle.
Bear Pacifier Holder: Pacifier holder is 8.6 inches long with bear at the end and wooden circle with mirror in the middle.
Bonita (rattle): 2.5” bouquet of four shapes on wooden ring.
Bella (rattle): 3” diameter with four wooden hearts with two mirrors.
Pirate Joe (rattle): 4” pirate theme with bell and mirror.
Rally (rattle): 4” triangle shape with three cars.
Flori (rattle): Six petal shapes on elastic band. Includes three mirrors & three bells. 5”
Triola (rattle): 4” triangle with two flowers and round corner.
Trio (rattle): 4” triangle shape with squeaker, bell and mirror.
Speedy (rattle): Wooden car about 4.5” L x 3” H. Squeaker in back and mirror on car hood.
Little Hearts Stroller Toy: 18” pram-chain with ten various size wooden hearts.
Discovery Balls, Set of 4: Set contains 1 orange, 1 red, 1 blue and one bicolor blue/yellow ball. Red ball contains three small mirrors.
Discovery Ball with Rattle: Blue/Yellow round wooden ball with small mirror.

To see this recall on CPSC's web site, including pictures of the recalled product, please go to: http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml08/08380.html



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The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission is charged with protecting the public from unreasonable risks of serious injury or death from more than 15,000 types of consumer products under the agency's jurisdiction. Deaths, injuries and property damage from consumer product incidents cost the nation more than $800 billion annually. The CPSC is committed to protecting consumers and families from products that pose a fire, electrical, chemical, or mechanical hazard or can injure children. The CPSC's work to ensure the safety of consumer products - such as toys, cribs, power tools, cigarette lighters, and household chemicals - contributed significantly to the 30 percent decline in the rate of deaths and injuries associated with consumer products over the past 30 years.

To report a dangerous product or a product-related injury, call CPSC's hotline at (800) 638-2772 or CPSC's teletypewriter at (800) 638-8270, or visit CPSC's web site at www.cpsc.gov/talk.html. To join a CPSC email subscription list, please go to www.cpsc.gov/cpsclist.aspx. Consumers can obtain this release and recall information at CPSC's Web site at www.cpsc.gov.




Proud Mama To

Bedtime Without Struggling

"Zachary, time for bed." "NO!" Two year old Zachary responds, running toward the playroom. Mother follows close behind, pleading, "It's time for bed, honey. C'mon, now."
"No, Mommy, no!" squeals Zachary as Mother swoops down to pick him up. Zachary's body stiffens, his back arches, and he begins kicking his feet in order to free himself of her tightening grip. Wildly, Zachary kicks his Mother as he struggles to get loose.
"Stop it! You're going to bed, NOW!" Mother declares, not to be outdone by her child's resistant behavior. Zachary begins to cry loudly as Mother, somewhat beaten and greatly exasperated, pulls off his clothes for his impending bath. This emotional and physical power struggle continues through Zachary's bath, pajamas, tooth brushing, and abruptly ends with a token kiss.
Exhausted and frustrated, Mother proceeds down the stairs hopeful for some solitude, only to hear, "Mommmmy, I want a drink. Me go potty!" Feeling guilty and yet, still angry, Mother hurriedly responds with the requested water and a brisk trip to the bathroom. Mother sets him on the bed and says evenly, "Don't let me hear another word. Good night!" Mother stomps down the stairs after slamming his door. Zachary is left huddled on his bed, crying into his pillow and Mother feels guilty and frustrated in front of the television.
Now, look at this same scene through the eyes of the child - in this case Zachary. We parents get accustomed to looking at this scene through our "adult eyes" and miss the opportunity to understand from our child's perspective.
Imagine that you are in the middle of a good book and your spouse says, "It's time for bed." In spite of your response, "No, I'm not ready just yet," you are helped unwillingly up the stairs, your clothes are removed and you are forced into taking a bath. Consider how you are feeling. Are you feeling disrespected, violated, angry, devalued or controlled? You may be thinking, "Yes, but a two-year-old doesn't feel this way - it's not the same, he's not an adult, besides, I'm the parent."
True, the child is not yet an adult. However he IS a person, has feelings and is at an important growth stage of wanting independence and experimenting with how to have his choices be known and honored. This is the beginning of his being an individual - he is establishing his separateness from his parents and is exploring his competence and capabilities.
Many times going to bed is not the issue, he may be tired and ready. Yet the command of being told what to do and when to do it brings up a feeling of being controlled. Isn't it true that this is often our reaction as adults when we are "commanded" in the same way? The issue becomes one of wanting control over ourselves and what happens to us. In this scene with Zachary and Mother, Zachary does not feel understood and it causes the struggle to escalate. Also, as Mother continues to overpower Zachary, he feels unloved and rejected and Mother is left feeling pretty much the same way.
Bedtime can be a special time between children and parents as it is natural for us to desire closeness or connectedness before going to sleep. Often times, however, parents have over-burdened themselves during the day and so they are eager to get the child in bed as soon as possible so they can have some quiet time for themselves. This can cause the child to feel that his parents are trying to "get rid of him." In our bedtime struggle story, Zachary's desire for more closeness is expressed through wanting a drink and "going potty" which results in more tension between he and his mom and both feeling hurt and rejected.
So, consider these questions: What did Zachary want in our story? More importantly, what does your child want?

• To declare his independence or sense of self.
• To feel close or connected with his parent.
• To feel a sense of control over what happens to him.
• To feel respected and heard.

How can you, as a parent, give your child what he wants and needs and still have him go to bed in a timely manner?

1. Respect your needs. Take care of yourself during the day so you are not feeling hassled and frazzled at your child's bedtime. Set your child's bedtime at an hour that allows you some solitude and/or "couple time"with your partner after your child goes to bed.
2. Whenever possible, have both parents be a part of the bedtime ritual. Bedtime is more fun and less of a burden when both parents participate.
3. Start your bedtime ritual forty-five minutes to one hour before your child's actual bedtime hour to avoid unnecessary stress and struggle. This process should be a winding down time, in other words, eliminate activities that would excite the child such as rough-housing or tickling.
4. Respect his sense of time by telling him that bedtime is in 15 minutes, allowing him to complete a particular activity before his actual bedtime hour.
5. Offer choices instead of orders. Your child will have a feeling of control over what happens to him when given choices. For example, you might say, "Do you want your dad to help you with your bath or me?" Or "Do you want to wear your red pajamas or your blue ones?" Or "Do you want to sleep with your gorilla or your kitty?"
6. Create a bedtime ritual with your child's help and advice. For example, read a story, snuggle, give three stuffed animals to kiss, give a hug and two kisses and leave the room singing a song. Routine is particularly important from at least 12 months of age through age two. The routine needs to have a quality of sameness or routine -- the same order or the same song -- to provide a sense of security.
7. Create closeness. For example:
• Talk about "Remember When," such as "Remember when we went camping and that raccoon got into our food?" Or "I remember when you were a baby and loved to have your tummy rubbed."
• Listen to your child's feeling about the day.
• Say three things that you love about eachother. Start each statement with, "What I love about you is..." and complete it with a specific thing that you love. For instance, "What I love about you is the way you helped put your books away today," or "What I love about you is the way your singing can lift my spirits."
8. Ask the following questions that allow your child to share more about himself:
• "What was the best thing that happened to you today?"
• "What was the worst thing that happened to you today?"
• "What was the silliest thing that happened to you today?"
9. Some children may talk more freely with the lights out. Try to discover what is most encouraging to your child in enhancing your communication together.
10. After you have completed your bedtime routine, leave your child's room. Explain to to your child ONCE when you start this new routine, "If you come out of the room for any reason other than emergency, I will lovingly guide or carry you back to your room." "I will not talk to you after saying goodnight and closing the bedroom door."

It is essential that you do not talk to your child after the bedtime routine is complete. Your child will pay more attention to your actions than your words. Further, if you continue to talk to your child, you are more likely to get into a verbal power struggle about going to bed. If you discover yourself saying, "Didn't you hear what I said? I told you to go to bed and I wasn't going to talk anymore!" Stop talking and take loving action by guiding your child back to bed. You may have to guide your child back to his room several times, particularly at the beginning because children will test their parents. However, as the week progresses, bedtime will become more pleasant for both you and your child.
You can make bedtime a time of nurturing, closeness, shared communication and fun. By involving your children in the decision-making process and spending this special time with them, they will feel valued and respected. By setting limits, you will gain the respect of your children and build their self-esteem.


Proud Mama To

Tuesday Toot

here is my toot! My baby girl just started kindergarten!!!!!!!!!! I am sad, but she is so excited and happy, and can not wait to get home and tell me how her day was. She loves being able to be on the bus with her big brother (4th grade).

Also, my big boy is in the gifted math program this year! I am so proud of him!!



Proud Mama To

Recalls

This message consists of the following:

1. Coffee Makers Recalled by Sears Due to Fire and Burn Hazards

2. Stroller Activity Bars Recalled by International Playthings Due to Choking Hazard

3. IMS Recalls Car Chargers Used With Halogen Spotlights Sold at Sears and K-Mart Due to Fire and Burn Hazards

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1. Coffee Makers Recalled by Sears Due to Fire and Burn Hazards

NEWS from CPSC
U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission
Office of Information and Public Affairs
Washington, DC 20207

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
August 26, 2008
Release #08-372

Sears' Recall Hotline: (800) 978-7615
CPSC Recall Hotline: (800) 638-2772
CPSC Media Contact: (301) 504-7908

Coffee Makers Recalled by Sears Due to Fire and Burn Hazards

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, in cooperation with the firm named below, today announced a voluntary recall of the following consumer product. Consumers should stop using recalled products immediately unless otherwise instructed.

Name of Product: Kenmore and Kenmore Elite Coffee Makers

Units: About 145,000

Retailers: Sears, Roebuck and Co., the great indoors and Kmart Corp., of Hoffman Estates, Ill.

Hazard: The wiring in the coffee maker can overheat, posing burn and fire hazards to consumers.

Incidents/Injuries: Sears has received 20 reports of coffee makers overheating, including 12 fires, causing damage to counter tops, cabinet damage, and plastic melting on the floor. No injuries have been reported.

Description: This recall involves 12-cup Kenmore coffee makers sold in black, white, and red with the following model numbers: 100.80006 (black), 100.81006 (white), and 100.82006 (red). The recall also involves 12-cup Kenmore Elite coffee makers with thermal carafe (model number 100.90007) and 14-cup Kenmore Elite coffee makers (model number 100.90006). The model number can be found on the bottom of the unit. There is a Kenmore or Kenmore Elite logo on the front bottom of the maker.

Sold at: Sears, Sears Hardware, the great indoors, and Kmart stores nationwide, as well as Sears.com and Kmart.com, from August 2007 through April 2008 for between $30 and $100.

Manufactured in: China

Remedy: Consumers should immediately stop using the coffee makers and take them to their nearest Sears or Kmart store to obtain a free replacement coffee maker.

Consumer Contact: For additional information, contact Sears at (800) 978-7615 between 7 a.m. and 9 p.m. CT Monday through Saturday, or visit the following Web sites: www.sears.com, www.kmart.com, or www.thegreatindoors.com

To see this recall on CPSC's web site, including pictures of the recalled product, please go to: http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml08/08372.html

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2. Stroller Activity Bars Recalled by International Playthings Due to Choking Hazard

NEWS from CPSC
U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission
Office of Information and Public Affairs
Washington, DC 20207

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
August 26, 2008
Release #08-373

International Playthings' Recall Hotline: (800) 445-8347
CPSC Recall Hotline: (800) 638-2772
CPSC Media Contact: (301) 504-7908

Stroller Activity Bars Recalled by International Playthings Due to Choking Hazard

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, in cooperation with the firm named below, today announced a voluntary recall of the following consumer product. Consumers should stop using recalled products immediately unless otherwise instructed.

Name of Product: Taggies(tm) Strollin' Along Stroller Activity Bars

Units: About 10,000

Importer/Distributor: International Playthings Inc., of Parsippany, N.J.

Hazard: The shiny material on the elephant's ear on the activity bar can detach, posing a choking hazard to young children.

Incidents/Injuries: International Playthings has received three reports of the shiny material detaching and children putting it in his/her mouth. No injuries have been reported.

Description: This recall involves the Taggies(tm) Strollin' Along stroller activity bars. The multicolored, fabric, and plastic activity bars feature a yellow giraffe, a purple hippo and a blue elephant attached to a 12" long elliptical base with straps that attach to a stroller. The Taggies(tm) and Earlyears(r) logos are located on woven and satin labels sewn into the seam on the lower left front of the activity bar.

Sold at: Specialty toy stores nationwide and on the Internet from February 2007 through July 2008 for about $23.

Manufactured in: China

Remedy: Consumers should immediately stop using the activity bars and contact International Playthings for a free replacement toy.

Consumer Contact: For additional information, contact International Playthings at (800) 445-8347 or visit the company's Web site at www.intplay.com

To see this recall on CPSC's web site, including pictures of the recalled product, please go to: http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml08/08373.html

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3. IMS Recalls Car Chargers Used With Halogen Spotlights Sold at Sears and K-Mart Due to Fire and Burn Hazards

NEWS from CPSC
U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission
Office of Information and Public Affairs
Washington, DC 20207

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
August 26, 2008
Release #08-374

Firm's Recall Hotline: (866) 797-2738
CPSC Recall Hotline: (800) 638-2772
CPSC Media Contact: (301) 504-7908

IMS Recalls Car Chargers Used With Halogen Spotlights Sold at Sears and K-Mart Due to Fire and Burn Hazards

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, in cooperation with the firm named below, today announced a voluntary recall of the following consumer product. Consumers should stop using recalled products immediately unless otherwise instructed.

Name of Product: Car Chargers Used with Power System Plus 3 Million Candlepower Spotlights

Units: About 210,000

Importer/Distributor: International Merchandising Service Inc. (IMS), of Fullerton, Calif.

Hazard: The car charger is incompatible with the spotlight's battery, which can cause it to overcharge inside of a vehicle and pose a fire or burn hazard to consumers.

Incidents/Injuries: IMS has received two reports of incidents of spotlights overheating while being charged with the car charger. No injuries have been reported.

Description: The recalled 12V DC car charger was sold with the Power Systems Plus/UST 3 Million Candlepower Spotlight with model number HSLR30S. The spotlight is black and blue and has a sticker on each side that reads "3 Million Candle Power." "HSLR30S" is printed on the instruction manual and on the packaging.

Sold at: Sears and K-Mart retail stores nationwide from October 2007 to June 2008 for about $20.

Manufactured in: China

Remedy: Consumers should immediately stop using the recalled car charger and contact IMS for information on how to receive a free replacement car charger. Consumers can continue to use the spotlights without the car charger.

Consumer Contact: For additional information, contact IMS toll-free at (866) 797-2738 between 8 a.m. and 4 p.m. PT Monday through Friday, visit the company's Web site at http://usttools.com/recall, or write to IMS Inc., 1927 W. Malvern Ave., Fullerton, CA 92833 ATTN: RECALL PROGRAM.

To see this recall on CPSC's web site, including pictures of the recalled product, please go to: http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml08/08374.html



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The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission is charged with protecting the public from unreasonable risks of serious injury or death from more than 15,000 types of consumer products under the agency's jurisdiction. Deaths, injuries and property damage from consumer product incidents cost the nation more than $800 billion annually. The CPSC is committed to protecting consumers and families from products that pose a fire, electrical, chemical, or mechanical hazard or can injure children. The CPSC's work to ensure the safety of consumer products - such as toys, cribs, power tools, cigarette lighters, and household chemicals - contributed significantly to the 30 percent decline in the rate of deaths and injuries associated with consumer products over the past 30 years.

To report a dangerous product or a product-related injury, call CPSC's hotline at (800) 638-2772 or CPSC's teletypewriter at (800) 638-8270, or visit CPSC's web site at www.cpsc.gov/talk.html. To join a CPSC email subscription list, please go to www.cpsc.gov/cpsclist.aspx. Consumers can obtain this release and recall information at CPSC's Web site at www.cpsc.gov.

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Proud Mama To

Fighting Siblings

Bill Cosby once said, "You aren't really a parent until you've had your second child." Parents of one child won't really understand this. Parents of two or more children will relate to this statement immediately. He was referring to the seemingly constant bickering and fighting between brothers and sisters.
However, having more than one child can provide opportunities for them to learn many things. They are learning how to share, how to be a friend, how to love and get along with others, and how to cooperate among themselves in relation to their brothers and sisters. There are many positive aspects to family life with more than one child, although many parents would say, "Not in my family!”
This continual fighting between siblings is one of the major frustrations parents have. They feel that nothing they are doing is working. Parents' typical reactions to fighting include: screaming "Shut-up! You're driving me crazy!” taking sides, threats, accusations, dismissing negative feeling, and solving children's problems for them. All of these reactions only add fuel to the fire.
Instead of reacting to the fighting, parents can choose to be pro-active. They can stay out of the fights in a nonjudgmental way. Children need to be able to settle things for themselves. Parents can teach negotiation skills later during a calm period. Teach your child to say "I'll give you these blocks for those." This will help them learn win-win skills that will be there when they are needed now and useful in the future.
Another thing parents can do is show confidence that their children will work things out. "I see two children and one doll, and I know you two can work things out together so both of you are happy." Believe it and walk out of the room. You'll be surprised.
Or, the parent can get down on the children's level and lovingly put a hand out. They will give you the toy. Carol DeVeny, a local daycare owner, was skeptical at first. However, she reported that the two toddlers stopped the fight, gave her the toy, and said "We share, Mommy." Carol said it brought tears to her eyes to see this.
And finally, parents need to remember to affirm and accept feeling. All feelings are O.K., but not all actions are. A parent can say, "You felt very angry at your sister because she broke your truck. You can tell her with words, not hitting." Keep in mind that the bad feelings need to come out before we can get to the good feelings.
When parents react to hostility with hostility, they are unwittingly promoting sibling rivalry. Future generations will need the skills of negotiation and cooperation in their businesses and personal relationships. Parents can begin now to teach their children these important skills. Think about what an incredible difference this can make in their lives!


Proud Mama To

Family Meeting Guidelines

Family Meetings can be a very successful method of enhancing family cooperation and closeness. Here are some ideas for the format of a family meeting.
Hold the meeting once a week at a time when everyone in the family can attend. Keep this time sacred -- don't keep changing it at everyone's convenience. Mark the time on a calendar and make it as important as a business meeting.
Take the phone off the hook so there are no interruptions. This helps your children see how valuable the meetings are to you also.
Decisions should be made by family consensus, not majority vote. If an agreement cannot be reached after a discussion, table the decision until the next meeting.
Elect a new leader and secretary at each meeting. The leader runs the meeting and calls on members. The leadership should rotate every meeting. Other members should be encouraged to support the leader. The secretary can take notes on what was discussed and what decisions were reached.
Begin the meetings with compliments to each family member. Use words like, "I love you because...," or, "I'm grateful for you because...," Teach children to say thank you after they receive a compliment.
Keep an "agenda" list on the refrigerator and discuss it at each family meeting time. As problems come up during the week, write them down to be discussed at family meetings.
Go on to problem solving. Does anyone have a problem they would like to bring up? Teach your children that if she complains, it is helpful to think of a solution. A person who is not part of the solution is part of the problem.
Coordinate everyone's calendar for the next week and plan some activities together as a family.
For more productive meetings, sit at a cleared table and chairs versus the family sitting room. Don't have this meeting during a mealtime.
Always end the meeting by allowing the leader to pick a fun way to close it. Suggestions are choosing a bedtime snack for everyone, delaying dessert until after the meeting, playing a game, etc.


Proud Mama To

More Golden Truths

For those with children, those thinking about it, or those who now have an excuse not to.
Things I've learned from my children (honest and no kidding):
(1) There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.
(2) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
(3) A 4 year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
(4) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.
(5) It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
(6) Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
(7) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
(8) When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
(9) A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
(10) The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
(11) When you hear the toilet flush and the words Uh-oh, it's already too late.
(12) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
(13) A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
(14) A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
(15) If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak -- it explodes.
(16) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.
(17) Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.
(18) Duplos will not.
(19) Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
(20) Super glue is forever.
(21) McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.
(22) Ditto Tarzan.
(23) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
(24) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
(25) VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
(26) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
(27) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
(28) You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
(29) Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
(30) Plastic toys do not like ovens.
(31) The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time.
(32) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.
(33) It will however make cats dizzy.
(34) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
(35) Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry.
(36) A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).


Proud Mama To

Give Kids A Chance

Are you aware that the most under used, wasted natural resource in this country is not the elderly, or parents, or any minority group. It is our children. So many great ideas, so much energy, so much boundless idealism. So much limitless potential. Why don’t we enlist our children’s help more often?
Much of the answer lies in some old beliefs we have about children that we haven’t let go of yet. Beliefs like children should be seen and not heard. Beliefs that say that kids are just lumps of clay that we need to mold, inferring that they don’t have a spirit and a purpose of their own. Beliefs whereby parents say that there is only one way to do things in this world, and that’s the right way, which is naturally my way! It wasn’t really until the late 60’s and early 70’s that professionals like Dr. T. Berry Brazelton convinced us that infants could not only see and hear but also actively elicit responses in their parents. So our limited and limiting understanding of children’s emotions and capabilities is, in a sense, in it’s infancy.
So many times our kids are the last person we turn to for help, information, or support. For instance, a friend of mine called me last year from Detroit for some advice. At her son’s high school there had been some fights between white and Africa-American students, creating some fairly intense racial tension. This friend wanted some help in creating a retreat for the teens that would bring both sides together to do some conflict resolution and community building. My first question to her was, "How have you involved the teens in creating this retreat?" There was a pause from the other end, then a guilt-ridden "we haven’t at all, yet." Well, after our conversation, she created a team comprised mostly of students to organize and brainstorm this retreat, which turned out to be incredibly successful. But just think of the opportunity for growth for the students that would have been so carelessly missed for the simple reason that we don’t value our children’s input and contributions. And, therefore, from a child’s perspective, we don’t value them.
Several years ago a 13 year old baby-sitter, Melody, who was an only child living with older parents used to hang around our house a lot. One day my wife, Anne, asked her if she could help balance our checkbook. Well, you would have thought she had been given a million dollars. Anne showed her how and for the next year Melody would come up to our house once a month and tackle the Jordan’s checkbook. And the look on her face when she left our house was worth a thousand words. Happy, proud, valuable, responsible. Something as simple as balancing a checkbook can bring a tremendous sense of satisfaction and a sense of "I’m contributing something worthwhile" to a child.
So become aware of all the endless ways that kids could be valuable to us and their community. Volunteering at a preschool; serving meals at a homeless shelter; picking up litter in your neighborhood; saving up money together as a family for some philanthropic purpose; doing some yard work for grandma and grandpa; asking their ideas or opinion about a problem you are working on. There are large and small opportunities everyday to give kids a chance to be valuable, contributing members of society. And not only does the family and community benefit, but the kids benefit tenfold as well. There is no better way to support kids in feeling good about themselves than to help them be of service to others. Someone once said that you reap what you sow. If kids are getting out of themselves and sowing love and service, then they will reap feelings of love and peace and fullness. In this day and age of so many questions about teen anger, teen violence, teen pregnancies, and teen suicides, perhaps the best answers lie with the kids and teens themselves. Let’s give kids a chance!

Proud Mama To

Dealing With Power Struggles

Most parents first experience their child's attempts at autonomy at about age two. They feel challenged and often a battle of wills begins that lasts throughout childhood and the teen years. Parents can turn these trying times into a rewarding growth period for them and their children by shifting their perspective concerning the child's behavior and by becoming clever and creative in responding to the child's perceived "headstrong, rebellious, stubborn, frustrating, negative" behavior.
Empowering not Overpowering
Instead of viewing children's willful behavior as "bad" and reacting in a way that overpowers the child, parents can view this behavior as a healthy positive sign of their child's development and find ways to empower the child. From about the age of two, and at differing intervals in the developmental process, children are individuating from their parents and the world around them. This includes making decisions for themselves, exerting their power and will on persons and situations, getting their own way, declaring ownership and authority.
When parents react by overpowering children, they cause them to feel powerless. Since all humans strive to feel powerful, the overpowered child may react to his or her feelings of powerlessness by either fight or flight - either giving in and letting others make all the decisions and maintain all control or fighting to seek power through rebellious and destructive behaviors. Parents who can shift to seeing their child's struggle for power as a positive sign can find useful ways for the child to feel powerful and valuable and deal with power struggles in ways that reduce fighting and create cooperative relationships that empower both the child and the parents.
The First Step is to Side-Step
The first step to effectively and positively deal with power struggles is to side-step the power struggle - in other words, refuse to pick up the other end of the rope. A mother asked her two-year-old if she was ready for a nap. "NO" replied the child. Feeling challenged, the mother replied, "Do you want to walk to your bed or do you want me to carry you?" "I want you to carry me upside down and tickle me as we go."
The mother realized that the "no" was an invitation to join a power struggle and by side-stepping it (neither fighting nor giving in) the mother created an ending that was happy, nurturing and loving rather than hateful and painful as nap time can often be. By side-stepping the power struggle, you send your child the message "I am not going to fight with you. I am not going to hurt you. I am not going to overpower you and I'm not going to give in, either."
Choices, Not Orders
After side-stepping the power struggle, the next step is to give choices, not orders. A father, trying to change an 18-month-olds diaper, against the wishes of the child, offered the child a choice of which room to have the change made. The child choose a room, but once in the room, balked again at the diaper change. The father continued with his plan to empower the child and asked, "Which bed?" The child pointed to a bed, the diaper was changed and the ongoing power struggle about diaper changes was ended.
When giving children choices, parents must be sure that all choices are acceptable. Don't give your child the choice of either sitting down quietly or leaving the restaurant if you have no intention of leaving.
Also be sure you don't give too many "autocratic" choices. Autocratic choices are choices are choices that are so narrow the child senses no freedom at all. Young children benefit from having some choices narrowed, but try to give broad and open-ended choices whenever possible.
Choices should not represent a punishment as one alternative. For example, telling a child "You may either pick up the toys or take a time-out" creates fear and intimidation instead of empowerment.
Find Useful Ways for your Child to be Powerful
Whenever you find yourself in the middle of a power struggle with your child, ask yourself, "How can I give my child more power in this situation?" One mother asked herself this question concerning an endless battle she was having with her son about buckling his seat belt. Her solution was that she made him boss of the seat belts - it became his job to see that everyone was safely secured. The power struggle ended.
Do the Unexpected
One parent side-steps power struggles by announcing "let’s go out for a treat" when she feels the situation is headed for a showdown. Her purpose is not to "reward" bad behavior, but to reestablish her relationship with her children and keep her end goal of a close, loving and cooperative atmosphere in mind.
Getting to Win-Win
Power struggles often feel like someone has to win and someone has to lose. A win-win solution is where each party comes away feeling like they got what they wanted. Getting to win-win takes negotiation. Parents can assist their children by responding to a child’s demands, "That sounds like a good way for you to win. And I want you to win. But I want to win, too. Can you think of a solution that works for both of us?"
Handling "NO"
Parents often have the attitude that children should not say NO to or question authority. However, it is interesting that most of us parents buy into the media campaign of "Just Say No." It is best to hear a child’s NO as a disagreement rather than a disrespectful response. Teach children to say NO, or disagree, respectfully and appropriately. Keep in mind that you want them to say NO when faced with peer pressure and inappropriate situations.
Powerlessness Creates Revenge
Children who are overpowered, or who feel powerless, will often seek to gain power through revenge. They will seek to hurt others as they feel hurt and will often engage in behavior that ultimately hurts themselves. Revenge at age two and three looks like talking back and messy food spills. Revenge at age 16 or 17 looks like drug and alcohol abuse, pregnancy, failure, running away and suicide.
When children act out in power struggles and revengeful behavior, they are most often feeling powerless and discouraged about a positive way to contribute and know that their actions count. Most parents’ goals are to raise a child who becomes a self-reliant adult, can make good decisions and has the confidence to be whatever he or she chooses. Your child will see the future that future more clearly if you allow him or her to practice at being powerful in useful and appropriate ways.


Proud Mama To