Handling Unwanted Advice

By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Gentle Baby Care

“Help! I’m getting so frustrated withthe endless stream of advice I get from my mother-in-law and brother! No matterwhat I do, I’m doing it wrong. I love them both, but how do I get them to stopdispensing all this unwanted advice?”

Just as your baby is an important part of your life, heis also important to others. People who care about your baby are bonded to youand your child in a special way that invites their counsel. Knowing this maygive you a reason to handle the interference gently, in a way that leaveseveryone’s feelings intact.

Regardless of the advice, it is your baby, and inthe end, you will raise your child the way that you think best. So it’s rarelyworth creating a war over a well-meaning person’s comments. You can respond tounwanted advice in a variety of ways:

Listen first

It’s natural to be defensive if you feel that someone isjudging you; but chances are you are not being criticized; rather, the otherperson is sharing what they feel to be valuable insight. Try to listen - youmay just learn something valuable.

Disregard

If you know that there is no convincing the other personto change her mind, simply smile, nod, and make a non-committal response, suchas, “Interesting!” Then go about your own business...your way.

Agree

You might find one part of the advice that you agreewith. If you can, provide wholehearted agreement on that topic.

Pick your battles

If your mother-in-law insists that Baby wear a hat on yourwalk to the park, go ahead and pop one on his head. This won’t have anylong-term effects except that of placating her. However, don’t capitulate onissues that are important to you or the health or well-being of your child.

Steer clear of the topic

If your brother is pressuring you to let your baby cry tosleep, but you would never do that, then don’t complain to him about your babygetting you up five times the night before. If he brings up the topic,then distraction is definitely in order, such as, “Would you like a cup ofcoffee?”

Educate yourself

Knowledge is power; protect yourself and your sanity byreading up on your parenting choices. Rely on the confidence that you are doingyour best for your baby.

Educate the other person

If your “teacher” is imparting information that you knowto be outdated or wrong, share what you’ve learned on the topic. You may beable to open the other person’s mind. Refer to a study, book, or report thatyou have read.

Quote a doctor

Many people accept a point of view if a professional hasvalidated it. If your own pediatrician agrees with your position, say, “Mydoctor said to wait until she’s at least six months before starting solids.” Ifyour own doctor doesn’t back your view on that issue, then refer toanother doctor - perhaps the author of a baby care book.

Be vague

You can avoid confrontation with an elusive response. Forexample, if your sister asks if you’ve started potty training yet (but you aremany months away from even starting the process), you can answer with, “We’removing in that direction.”

Ask foradvice!

Your friendly counselor is possibly an expert on a fewissues that you can agree on. Search out these points and invite guidance.She’ll be happy that she is helping you, and you’ll be happy you have a way toavoid a showdown about topics that you don’t agree on.

Memorize a standard response

Here’s a comment that can be said in response to almostany piece of advice: “This may not be the right way for you, but it’s the rightway for me.”

Be honest

Try being honest about your feelings. Pick a time free ofdistractions and choose your words carefully, such as, “I know how much youlove Harry, and I’m glad you spend so much time with him. I know you thinkyou’re helping me when you give me advice about this, but I’m comfortable withmy own approach, and I’d really appreciate if you’d understand that.”

Find a mediator

If the situation is putting a strain on your relationshipwith the advice-giver, you may want to ask another person to step in for you.

Search out like-minded friends

Join a support group or on-line club with people whoshare your parenting philosophies. Talking with others who are raising theirbabies in a way that is similar to your own can give you the strength to facepeople who don’t understand your viewpoints.

This article is an excerpt from Gentle Baby Care byElizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

You are welcome to reprint this article on yourwebsite or in your newsletter, provided that you reprint the entire article,including the complete byline with author's name and book title. Please alsosend a link or copy to elizabeth@pantley.com. Thank you.

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Car Seat Crying

By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Gentle Baby Care

Some babies fall asleep almost before you’re out of thedriveway, but others won’t spend five happy minutes in their car seats. Usually, this is because your baby is used to more freedom of movement andmore physical attention than you can provide when she’s belted into her seat.

Hearing your baby crywhile you are trying to drive is challenging. Even though it’sdifficult to deal with, remember that you and your baby’s safety are mostimportant. Parents sometimes take a crying baby out of the carseat, which is extremely dangerous and makes it even more difficult for thebaby to get used to riding in the car seat. Some parents make poor drivingdecisions when their babies are crying, which puts everyone in the car at risk.Either pull over and calm your baby down, or focus on your driving. Don’t tryto do both.

The good news is that a few new ideas and a little timeand maturity will help your baby become a happy traveler. (I know, because threeof my babies were car-seat-haters!)

The trip to car seat happiness

Any one (or more) of the following strategies may helpsolve your car seat dilemma. If the first one you try fails, choose another one, then another;eventually, you’ll hit upon the right solution for your baby.

Make sure that your baby is healthy. If car seat crying is something new, and your baby has been particularly fussyat home, too, your baby may have an ear infection or other illness. A visit tothe doctor is in order.

Bring the car seat in the house and letyour baby sit and play in it. Once it becomes more familiar in the house, she may behappier to sit there in the car.

Keep a special box of soft, safe cartoys that you’ll use only in the car. If these are interesting enough, they may hold her attention. (Avoid hardtoys because they could cause injury in a quick stop.)

Tape or hang toys for viewing. You can do this on the back of the seat that your baby isfacing or string an array of lightweight toys from the ceiling using heavy tapeand yarn. Place them just at arm’s reach so that your baby can bat at them fromher seat. (Don’t use hard toys that could hurt your baby if they come loose ina quick stop.)

Make a car mobile. Link a long row of plastic baby chains from one side ofthe backseat to the other. Clip soft, lightweight new toys onto the chain foreach trip. Make sure they are secure and keep on eye on these so that theydon’t become loose while you are driving.

Hanga made-for-baby poster on the back of the seat that faces your baby. These are usually black, white, red and bold primarycolors; some even have pockets so you can change the pictures. (Remember to dothis, since changing the scenery is very helpful.)

Experiment with different types ofmusic in the car. Some babies enjoy lullabies or music tapes madeespecially for young children; others surprise you by calming down as soon asyou play one of your favorites. Some babies enjoy hearing Mom or Dad sing, morethan anything else! (For some reason, a rousing chorus of “Rudolf the Red-NosedReindeer” has always been a good choice for us, even out of season!)

Try “white noise” in the car. You can purchase CDs of soothing nature sounds or you canmake a recording of your vacuum cleaner!

Practice with short, pleasant tripswhen your baby is in a good mood. It helps if someone can sit near her and keep herentertained. A few good experiences may help set a new pattern.

Try a pacifier or teething toy. When your baby has something to suck or chew on he may behappier. Just make sure it doesn’t present a choking hazard, and keep to small,soft toys.

Hang a mirror. That way your baby can see you (and you can see yourbaby) while you are driving. Baby stores offer specialty mirrors madeespecially for this purpose. When in her seat, she may think that you’re notthere, and just seeing your face will help her feel better.

Putup a sunshade in the window. This can be helpful if you suspect that sunshinein your baby’s face may be a problem. Use the window-stick-on types, and avoidany with hard pieces that could become dislodged in a quick stop.

Try to consolidate trips. Trip-chaining is effective, especially if you avoid beingin the car for long periods of time, and you don’t have many ins-and-outs.

Make sure your baby hasn’t outgrown hercar seat. If her legs are confined, or her belts are too tight, shemy find her seat to be uncomfortable.

Try opening a window. Fresh air and a nice breeze can be soothing.

If all else fails . . . take the bus!

This article is an excerpt from Gentle Baby Care byElizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

You are welcome to reprint this article on yourwebsite or in your newspaper or newsletter, provided that you reprint theentire article, including the complete byline with author's name and booktitle. Please also send a link or copy to elizabeth@pantley.com . Thank you.

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Eight Sleep Tips for Every Child

By Elizabeth Pantley, author of The No-Cry Sleep Solution

Up to 70% of children under age five have sleep problems.Sleep issues are complicated and have many causes. They’re hard to deal withbecause when children aren’t sleeping, parents aren’t sleeping, and that lackof sleep affects every minute of every day for every person in the family because lackof sleep isn’t just about being tired. Sleephas a role in everything -- dawdling, temper tantrums, hyperactivity,growth, health, and even learning to tie his shoes and recite the ABCs. Sleepaffects everything.

The following ideas are of value to almost any sleeper, ofany age. These tips can bring improvement not only in your child’s sleep, butalso in her daytime mood and last, but not least – improvements in your ownsleep and outlook as well.

# 1 Maintain a consistentbedtime and awaking time.

Your child’sbiological clock has a strong influence on her wakefulness and sleepiness. Whenyou establish a set time for bedtime and wake up time you “set” your child’sclock so that it functions smoothly.

Aim for an early bedtime.Young children respond best with a bedtime between 6:30 and 7:30 P.M. Most children will sleep better and longer when they go to bed early.

# 2 Encourage regular daily naps.

Daily naps areimportant. An energetic child can find it difficult to go through the daywithout a rest break. A nap-less child will often wake up cheerful and becomeprogressively fussier or hyper-alert as the day goes on. Also, the length andquality of naps affects night sleep – good naps equal better night sleep.

# 3 Set your child’s biological clock.

Take advantage ofyour child’s biology so that he’s actually tiredwhen bedtime arrives. Darkness causes an increase in the release of the body’ssleep hormone -- the biological “stop” button. You can align your child’ssleepiness with bedtime by dimming the lights during the hour beforebedtime.

Exposing your childto morning light is pushing the “go” button in her brain — one that says, “Timeto wake up and be active.” So keep your mornings bright!

# 4 Develop a consistent bedtimeroutine.

Routines createsecurity. A consistent, peaceful bedtime routine allows your child totransition from the motion of the day to the tranquil state of sleep.

An organized routinehelps you coordinate the specifics: bath, pajamas, tooth-brushing. It helps youto function on auto-pilot at the time when you are most tired and leastcreative.

# 5 Create a cozy sleepenvironment.

Where your child sleeps can be a key to quality sleep. Makecertain the mattress is comfortable, the blankets are warm, the roomtemperature is right, pajamas are comfy, and the bedroom is welcoming.

# 6 Provide the right nutrition.

Foods can affectenergy level and sleepiness. Carbohydrates can have a calming effect on thebody, while foods high in protein or sugar generate alertness, particularlywhen eaten alone. A few ideas for pre-bed snacks are: whole wheat toast andcheese, bagel and peanut butter, oatmeal with bananas, or yogurt and low-sugargranola.

Vitamin deficienciesdue to unhealthy food choices can affect a child’s sleep. Provide your childwith a daily assortment of healthy foods.

# 7 Help your child to be healthy and fit.

Many children don’t get enough daily physical activity. Toomuch TV watching and a lack of activity prevents good sleep. Children who get ampledaily exercise fall asleep more quickly, sleep better, stay asleep longer, andwake up feeling refreshed.

Avoid activity in the hour before bedtime though, sinceexercise is stimulating – they’ll be jumping on the bed instead of sleeping init!

# 8 Teach your child howto relax.

Many children get in bed but aren’t sure what to do when theyget there! It can help to follow a soothing pre-bed routine that createssleepiness. A good pre-bed ritual is story time. A child who is listening to aparent read a book or tell a tale will tend to lie still and listen. This quietstillness allows him to become sleepy.

Work with these eight ideas and you’ll see improvements in your child’ssleep, and yours too.

Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishingfrom TheNo-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers& Preschoolers (McGraw-Hill 2005)

http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth Proud Mama To

Taking a Road Trip with Your Baby

By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Gentle Baby Care

To Grandmother’s house we go! And you’ll be in the car for five whole hours ¾ how can you make the trip enjoyable with a baby along?

Learn about it

There’s no question: Marathon car trips with a baby on board take a good amount of planning and organization. But it can be done ¾ and yes, it can even be fun!

Planning the trip

In the hustle that precedes a trip, it can be easy to let things happen, instead of make things happen. Be proactive in making your trip decisions. Contemplating these questions, and coming up with the right answers, can help make your trip more successful:

• Does your baby sleep well in the car? If yes, plan your travel time to coincide with a nap or bedtime so your baby can sleep through part of the journey. If not, plan to leave immediately after a nap or upon waking in the morning. Don’t fool yourself into thinking your baby will behave differently than usual in the car just because it’s a special occasion.
• Is it necessary to make the trip all at once, or can you break it up with stops along the way? The longer your baby is strapped in the carseat, the more likely he’ll become fussy. Planning a few breaks can keep everyone in a better frame of mind.
• When estimating an arrival time, have you factored in plenty of extra time for unplanned surprises? A diaper explosion that requires a complete change of clothes or a baby whose inconsolable crying requires an unexpected 20-minute stop are just two of the things that can easily happen.
• Do you have everything you need to make the trip pleasant? Items like:

-Window shades to protect your baby from the sun and create a darker, nap-inducing atmosphere. -A cooler for cold drinks; a bottle warmer if needed. -Plenty of toys that are new or forgotten favorites saved just for the trip. -Baby-friendly music on tape or CD. -A rear-view baby mirror to keep on eye on baby (unless a second person will be sitting with your little one) -Books to read to your baby.

Preparing the car

Take plenty of time to get the car ready for your trip. If two adults are traveling, consider yourself lucky and arrange for one person to sit in the backseat next to the baby. If you are traveling alone with your little one, you’ll need to be more creative in setting up the car, and you’ll need to plan for more frequent stops along the way.

Here are a few tips for making the car a traveling entertainment center for your baby:

• Use ribbon or yarn and safety pins or tape to hang an array of lightweight toys from the ceiling of the car to hang over your baby. An alternative is to string a line from one side of the car to the other with an array of toys attached by ribbons. Bring along an assortment of new toys that can be exchanged when you stop the car for a rest. Just be sure to use small toys and keep them out of the driver’s line of view.
• Tape brightly colored pictures of toys on the back of the seat that your baby will be facing.
• If no one will be sitting next to your baby and your child is old enough to reach for toys, set up an upside-down box next to the car seat with a shallow box or a tray with ledges on top of it. Fill this with toys that your baby can reach for by himself. You might also shop around for a baby activity center that attaches directly to the carseat.
• If you plan to have someone sitting next to baby, then provide that person with a gigantic box of toys with which to entertain the little one ¾ distraction works wonders to keep a baby happy in the car. One of the best activities for long car rides is book reading. Check your library’s early reading section; it typically features a large collection of baby-pleasing titles in paperback that are easier to tote along than board books.
• Bring along an assortment of snacks and drinks for your older baby who’s regularly eating solids, and remember to bring food for yourself, too. Even if you plan to stop for meals, you may decide to drive on through if your baby is sleeping or content ¾ saving the stops for fussy times.
• Bring books on tape or quiet music for the adults for times when your baby is sleeping. The voice on tape may help keep your baby relaxed, and it will be something you can enjoy.
• If you’ll be traveling in the dark, bring along a battery-operated nightlight or flashlight.

Car travel checklist

q Well-stocked diaper bag

q Baby’s blanket

q Carseat pillow or head support

q Window shades (sun screens)

q Change of clothes for your baby

q Enormous box of toys and books

q Music or books on tape or CDs

q Baby food, snacks, and drinks for your baby

q Sipper cups

q Snacks and drinks for the adults

q Cooler

q Wet washcloths in bags, or moist towelettes

q Empty plastic bags for leftovers and trash

q Bottle warmer

q Cell phone

q Baby’s regular sleep music or white noise (if needed, bring extra batteries)

q First aid kit/prescriptions/medications

q Jumper cables

q Money/wallet/purse/ID

q Medical and insurance information/emergency phone numbers

q Maps/driving directions

q Baby carrier/sling/stroller

q Camera and film

q Suitcases

During the journey

If you’ve carefully planned your trip and prepared your vehicle, you’ve already started out on the right foot. Now keep these things in mind as you make your way down the road:

• Be flexible. When traveling with a baby, even the best-laid plans can be disrupted. Try to stay relaxed, accept changes, and go with the flow.
• Stop when you need to. Trying to push “just a little farther” with a crying baby in the car can be dangerous, as you’re distracted and nervous. Take the time to stop and calm your baby.
• Put safety first. Make sure that you keep your baby in his carseat. Many nursing mothers breastfeed their babies during trips. This can be dangerous in a moving car, even if you are both securely belted: You can’t foresee an accident, and your body could slam forcefully into your baby. Instead, pull over and nurse your baby while he’s still in his carseat. That way, when he falls asleep, you won’t wake him up moving him back into his seat.
• Remember: Never, ever leave your baby alone in the car ¾ not even for a minute.

On the way home

You may be so relieved that you lived through your trip that you sort of forget the other trip ahead of you: the trip home. You’ll need to organize the trip home as well as you did the trip out. A few days in advance, make certain that all your supplies are refilled and ready to go. Think about the best time to leave, and plan accordingly. In addition, think about what you learned on the trip to your destination that might make the trip home even easier. Is there something you wish you would have had but didn’t? Something you felt you could have done differently? Did you find yourself saying, “I wish we would have…”? Now’s the time to make any adjustments to your original travel plan so that your trip back home is pleasant and relaxed.

This article is an excerpt from Gentle Baby Care by Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

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The next 20 days

Will be articles by Elizabeth Pantley!

You can visit her site here

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Local parents march in D.C. for Autism

This is awesome! Here is an article about it, and someone's blog featuring pictures.

WASHINGTON, DC (WTVD) -- "Green our vaccines," that is the message thousands took to lawmakers on Capitol Hill Wednesday.

The march on Washington drew supporters from across the country and several women from the triangle organized the event.

The women who spearheaded the march in Washington are the founders of Moms Against Mercury, a group that was started in Cary read more at http://abclocal.go.com/wtvd/story?section=news/local&id=6183835 And a blog! Great pics! http://adventuresinautism.blogspot.com/

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From Action for Children North Carolina

House Appropriations subcommittees approved a House budget proposal last Thursday, May 29th. Changes from the first draft are overall relatively minor, though public education and mental health show more significant shifts. An updated budget chart with line-by-line changes to the House draft budget is available online.

The House budget goes to the full House Appropriations Committee on Tuesday, June 3rd. At that point, we will get a more complete picture of the budget and amendments can be offered. If you have concerns about the House budget, now is the time to let your representatives know. The House intends to send its completed budget to the Senate before the end of this week.

ACTION ON AFC AGENDA HOUSE BUDGET CHANGES ACTION ON LEGISLATION LAST WEEK ACTION ALERTS

ACTION ON AFC AGENDA

Health Insurance for Children

• Health Choice: The new version of the House budget upholds the Governor’s recommendation to eliminate the six percent growth cap and add $10.4M to prevent a freeze in the program.
• N.C. Kids’ Care: Because of federal government roadblocks to children’s health insurance expansion, the Governor delayed Kids’ Care implementation until 1/1/09, and the House delayed until 4/1/09, but both maintained partial-year funding for the program. The U.S. Congress is scheduled to reauthorize SCHIP in March, so April is probably a reasonable implementation date.

Child Care Subsidies

• The Governor and the House both shifted $9M of TANF funds into child care subsidies. Of that, $4.1M goes to replace one-time money from 2007/08 and $4.9M creates 1,110 new subsidy slots.

Foster Care and Adoption Room and Board Rates

• Thanks to your emails and calls to legislators, the House increased funding for foster care and adoption rates to the same level the Governor proposed. The higher rates will go into effect on January 1, 2009. Some of the funding will also cover implementation of a new standardized foster care reimbursement system, based on a cost model.

Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention

• Juvenile Crime Prevention Council Funding: The House budget upholds the Governor’s recommendation to restore the JCPC funding at $22.7M recurring, and then allocates an additional $1M recurring to JCPCs. This funding was restored and increased because legislators heard loud and clear from the juvenile justice community. Continue to thank your representative and encourage them to maintain this level of funding.
• Crime Commission Study: $200,000 is allocated to the Governor’s Crime Commission to study the legal, systemic, and organizational impact of expanding juvenile court jurisdiction from 15 to 17 years of age. Corresponding bill for this study is HB 2674.

HOUSE BUDGET CHANGES

Below are some other key children’s items funded in the May 29 version of the House Budget which were not funded in previous iterations. A complete comparison of the House budget proposal and the Governor’s proposal is available on the Action for Children website.

HHS

Health:

• $2M in funding for demonstration projects on obesity and related chronic disease;
• $1M for a Communities for Eliminating Health Disparities Initiative;
• $70K for childcare costs in pediatric day treatment centers for medically fragile children.

Mental health:

• Community Support Program Cuts: Almost doubled cuts from $36M to $65M. This is the one item the Secretary of HHS commented on, expressing his concern that the agency could not take such a big hit, particularly given the federal matching dollars that would be lost (another $90M) If this passes, it will have enormous implications for providers keeping their doors open. This will be revisited in the Senate.
• Community Crisis Services: House broke out the $30M allocated in previous draft as follows, for a reduced total of $24.4M:
• $8M for 10,000 new beds in local psychiatric hospitals, including detox beds;
• $6M to LMEs for walk-in crisis and immediate psychiatric aftercare;
• $5.75M for Mobile Crisis Intervention Teams;
• $3.4M for nine crisis teams for the developmentally disabled;
• $1M for 12 new respite beds for the developmentally disabled.

Public Education: more changes than in HHS budget

• Dropout Prevention Grants: increased from $10M to $15M. (up from $7M in 07-08). New special provision language would reinstate the Dropout Prevention Commission, reducing DPI’s influence over the grant-making process. Some of the new money would be used to hire a contractor to help create the RFP. Some funds are specified to go to those who applied last year and didn’t get a grant and to those in communities with higher needs.
• DSSF funding: increased from $5M to $6M.
• More at Four: increased from $0 to $23M nonrecurring. The Governor included over $42M for over 6,300 more new slots and increased per-slot payment rates. The first draft of the House budget included no new funding for More at Four; the latest draft would expand the program by about 4,000 slots and increases per slot payment by three percent.
• School Connectivity: increased from $4M by $11M to improve IT infrastructure in the LEAs.
• Child Nutrition: $4M in new funds to implement previously-enacted improved child nutrition standards in elementary schools.
• Teacher pay: three percent average pay raise for teachers. The Governor recommended a seven percent increase, which would have cost around $350M. The House also proposed a 2¾ % or $1,100 flat increase for state employees, whichever is greater. This is up from the Governor’s recommendation of a 1.5% increase for state employees.
• Smart Start: no new money.

Juvenile Justice: essentially the same as the previous draft

• JCPC funding: still restored to recurring and expanded by $1M;
• Probation/parole: shifted the $3M in recurring funds from the first draft of the budget to $2M recurring and $1M nonrecurring.

Housing

• Housing 400 Initiative: increase from $4M to $7M in Housing Trust Fund to build housing for individuals with disabilities; another $1M in operating funds for continuing housing support for these individuals. $2M of the $7M comes out of the Mental Health Trust Fund.
• Housing Trust Fund: $2M increase.
• Home Protection Pilot and Foreclosure Prevention: $3M allocation.

ACTION ON LEGISLATION LAST WEEK

Bill filing deadlines were last week, and over 2000 additional bills were entered. This biennium has seen a record high number of bills entered: over 7000.

Key bills acted on last week included:

The House Finance Committee passed an economic stimulus package that includes:

• EITC Percentage Increase: an EITC percentage increase from 3.5% to 5% (HB 2642, SB 2097).
• Homestead Exemption for Veterans: Expansion of the homestead exemption to disabled veterans or the spouses of deceased veterans to lower tax payments on their homes substantially (HB 2631).
• Health Insurance Tax Credits to Small Businesses: Expansion of a tax credit that passed last year to help small employers who provide health insurance to their employees (HB 2335).

Gang Bills:

• A revised version of HB 274, the Street Gang Suppression Act passed the Senate after considerable changes and was returned to the House. The House did not concur with changes, so the bill now goes to conference committee. Conferees have not yet been appointed.
• SB 1358, the Street Gang Prevention and Intervention Act, passed the Senate last week also. The bill called for $10M to be allocated to prevention and intervention services for gang-involved youth; the funds were not included in the House JPS budget. This bill is referred to House Committee on Appropriations.

ACTION ALERTS

Health Issues (Alert from our friends at the N.C. Alliance for Health)

Please see the N.C. Alliance for Health website soon for an alert focused on:

• Elimination of smoking on state government grounds,
• Obesity prevention (quality PE standards, child obesity data collection and implementation of statewide child nutrition standards), and
• Funding for the Tobacco Quitline.

Juvenile Crime Prevention Council Funding (Alert from Action for Children and our friends at the Covenant for North Carolina's Children)

Thanks to all your incredible efforts, legislators are working hard to restore all the recurring funds JCPCs received in the past and even allocate $5 million MORE! Click here to send emails to:

(1) Speaker Hackney and his team (Click on "House Leadership Needs to Hear from Us"), AND (2) Your Senator (Click on "Senate to Receive Budget this Week"). Foster Care and Adoption Rate Increases (Alert from our friends at Children and Family Services Association-NC)

The House is moving quickly to get out a draft budget. We need to be sure they include the Governor’s recommendation for an increase in room and board for foster and adoptive families! Send an e-mail to key budget committee members in the House!

EITC Percentage Increase (Alert from our friends at the NC Justice Center ’s Budget and Tax Center )

Help inform our leaders of the need to increase the state Earned Income Tax Credit (EITC) from 3.5% to 5% to help North Carolina 's working families who are suffering the most from the current economic downturn. Click here to let your legislators know you support helping working families through an increased state EITC.

Funding for Child Nutrition Standards (Alert from our friends at the NC Alliance for Health)

The newest draft of the House budget recommendation includes $4 million to fund the implementation of state child nutrition standards established in 2005. A copy of the bill filed this year to fund child nutrition programs (H2226/S1898) is available online.

To learn more about the issue and get contact info for your legislators, click here.

Support Housing and Prevent Foreclosures (Alert from our friends at the NC Housing Coalition)

Now is the time we need all housing advocates to make their voices heard in the NC General Assembly. Let the General Assembly know they need to increase the funding invested in housing production and foreclosure prevention.

Send an email through the NC Justice Center Alert Page to these key decision makers in Raleigh.

Paid Sick Days

(Alert from our friends at the NC Justice Center)

The NC Justice Center is building a campaign to pass a state law that would provide workers in North Carolina up to seven paid sick days per year. Tell us your personal story about why you need to earn paid sick days. Contact Louisa Warren at the NC Justice Center to share your experiences and help get paid sick days in North Carolina. Call (919) 856-2183 or email: louisa@ncjustice.org.

Thank you,

Action for Children North Carolina

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Positive Parenting Idea of the Day

Democracy demands that its members make decisions and accept responsibility for the consequences of those decisions.

--Michael H. Popkin, Active Parenting Now

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Ten "To Do's" for Discipline

1. Tell children what to do Principle: What you focus on, you get more of. Application: Instead of saying, "No pushing, you know better than to push your brother, pushing is not nice," say, "When you want your brother to move say, 'Move please.' Tell him now." Focus on what you want your children to do!
2. Give children useable information, especially when you are upset. Principle: When you are upset you are always focused on what you don't want. Application: Instead of saying, "Why isn't this homework done? Do you want to fail? How many times do we have to go over this?" you could say, "You can start with your math homework or reading. Which is best for you?"
3. Help children to be successful instead of attempting to make or get them to behave. Principle: The only person you can make change is yourself. Application: How often have we attempted to make a smoker quit smoking or growing child eat her peas? There is a better way. Instead of asking yourself, "How am I going to get my child to stay in bed," ask yourself, "How am I going to help my child be more likely to choose to stay in her bed?" The first question will give you manipulative, coercive answers. The second question will give you creative, cooperative solutions.
4. Use your children as resources to solve their own problems. Principle: Two heads are better than one. Application: Instead of you trying to figure out what needs to be done, ask your children for input. You could say, "What would help you finish your homework by 8:00 p.m.?" Help children solve their problems themselves.
5. Put your children on your "to do list" and spend time enjoying them. Principle: The motivation to behave comes from being in relationship with one another. Application: When a child says, "I don't care," she is really saying, "I don't feel cared for." Cooperation comes from connection. If your child chronically refuses to listen or tells you they don't care, then you must start by rebuilding your relationship and rekindling family rituals.
6. Encourage your children during wonderful times and tough times. Do not attempt to get children to feel bad in order to behave better. Principle: Encouragement empowers. Application: Be your children's cheerleader. Constantly tell them, "You did it," "Way to go," "Look at you," or "Good for you." When you children are struggling you might say, "I believe in you, you can do this."
7. Take back your power. You are in charge. Principle: Whoever you believe to be in charge of your feelings, you have placed in charge of you. Application: Instead of saying, "Don't make me have to pull this car over," say, "I'm going to pull this car over until the seatbelts are fastened and everyone is safe." Instead of saying, "You drive me nuts," say, "I'm going to take a few deep breaths and calm myself down. Then I will talk to you." When children refuse to do what you ask state, "I'm going to show you what I want you to do." Them help them be successful.
8. Become the person you want your children to be. Principle: We must discipline ourselves first and our children second. Application: Instead of screaming, "You better get control of yourself right now," take a deep breath and calm yourself down. Be a S.T.A.R. (Smile, Take a deep breath, And Relax). Become what you want your child to be. If you want calmness, demonstrate how to be calm.
9. Do not save your children from the consequences of their actions. Principle: Psychological pain is a signal to make changes in your life. Application: Help your child handle disappointing choices. Offer empathy instead of lectures after poor choices. Instead of saying, "I told you not to take that picture to school. It's your own fault it got torn in half. That is what you get for not listening to me," say, "How disappointing for you. I know how important that picture was to you." Empathy allows children to take responsibility for their actions, while lecturing allows them to blame you for their distress.
10. Teach children how to handle their conflicts instead of punishing them for not knowing how. Principle: Conflict is an opportunity to teach. Application: When one child comes to you tattling on the other, use these moments to teach life skills. When one sibling says, "He pushed me," you say, "Did you like it?" The child will likely say, "No!" At this point you can say, "Go tell your brother, 'I don't like it when you push me.'" Use these intrusive episodes as a way to teach assertiveness skills to your children.

Become conscious of the intent behind each of your interactions. Your intent is more powerful than any words. Most importantly, have fun! There is no right or wrong way - it is a journey. -Becky Bailey

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Green our vaccines

Jenny McCarthy, spokesperson for Talk About Curing Autism (TACA), and Jim Carrey are calling for support for the Green Our Vaccines Rally for Autism. On June 4, 2008, mothers, fathers, and other supporters will gather together in Washington, DC, to demand that Congress eliminate mercury and other toxins from vaccines; study the link between autism and vaccines; allow all children affected by vaccine-induced autism to file with the National Vaccine Injury Compensation Program (NVICP); and re-evaluate the vaccine schedule. You must sign up for this event ahead of time. For more information, including directions, sign-up, and Green Our Vaccines T-shirts, visit TACA's website at http://talkaboutcuringautism.org/jenny/dc-rally/index.htm. Proud Mama To

Nano-Alert: Groups Demand that the EPA Take a Closer Look at Nanotechnology

Because of its antibacterial properties, nano-silver is currently added to numerous products including clothes, personal care products, electronics, toys, and baby products. The effects of nano-sized silver are not fully understood, however, the material is known to be much more toxic to aquatic organisms than regular silver. The EPA has recognized nano-silver as a pesticide, but no further action has been taken to regulate its use.

The International Center for Technology Assessment (CTA) and a coalition of consumer, health, and environmental groups, such as Greenpeace and the Center for Food Safety, submitted a legal petition demanding that the EPA: regulate these nanotechnology products as new pesticides; require labeling of all products; assess health and safety data before permitting marketing; analyze the potential human health effects, particularly on children; and analyze the potential environmental impacts on ecosystems and endangered species.

To read more, including a list of products containing nano-silver, visit NanoAction's website at www.nanoaction.org.

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Beware of Phthalates in Infant-Care Products

A new University of Washington study that appeared in last February's Journal of Pediatrics concludes that phthalate exposure in infants is "widespread and variable." Phthalates have been proven multiple times to disrupt the endocrine and reproductive systems.

Phthalates are human-made chemicals used in the manufacture of household and industrial products such as children's toys, infant-care and personal-care products, cosmetics, and PVC tubing. Because they are not chemically bound to the products they appear in, phthalates leach into the atmosphere and into liquids. As a result, humans ingest, inhale, and absorb phthalates when exposed to them. This is especially true with phthalate-containing lotions, shampoos, soaps, or anything applied directly to the skin.

Those most vulnerable are infants, who have not yet developed the capacity to metabolize these chemicals, and whose small bodies have relatively more absorptive surface area for their volume than adults. Phthalate exposure is also a problem for young children due to their tendency to put in their mouths anything they can hold in their hands, and the time they spend playing on floors made of synthetic materials.

The results of the sobering study show that 81 percent of infants groomed with infant-care products containing phthalates tested positive for increased urinary concentrations of phthalates. Babies with the highest phthalate levels were those exposed to multiple products (e.g., lotions, powders, shampoos). Also, the younger the babies, the higher the concentrations.

"The FDA does not regulate the use of phthalates and does not require that they are listed on labels," states the owner of www.alchemistsapprentice.com, a website that sells only personal-care products that are free of synthetics and chemicals. To avoid phthalates, it is suggested that consumers buy products that specifically state that they are "phthalate-free."

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Listen, Don't Lecture

Do you consider yourself a good listener? Do you actively listen to your children and engage them in meaningful conversation? Or do you tend more toward talking, lecturing, and advising? Many early-childhood psychologists and social workers agree that parents can enhance communication when they stop and listen to their children. You may gain an unparalleled understanding of your children's needs when you allow them to talk, share feelings, and express concerns.

Julie Scandora, a mother of three and author of the children's book Rules Are Rules, offers five practical tips that can help you along the road to better communication with your children:

1) Listen. It sounds obvious, but if your children don't think they'll be heard, they won't come to you with the hard questions or problems.

2) Create opportunities for interaction with your kids. Use car time—such as the 20-minute drive to school—as a time to communicate with them.

3) Lead by example. Far too many parents opt for the do-as-I-say, not-as-I-do approach. This sends mixed messages to children regarding important situations.

4) Respect your child's intuition. We all have gut feelings; if kids are encouraged to trust theirs, they'll be able to heed their intuition in dicey situations when you aren't around to help.

5) Don't confuse respect with giving in. It is important that the parental role not be usurped. Don't give in to kids just to defuse a problematic situation. Instead, communicate with them and let them know why rules are rules.

Effective communication is essential in any relationship. By listening to your children, you teach them good communication skills that will last a lifetime.

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Sign the petition to fire teacher!

I know many online petitions do not work, but hey, this has almost 5,000 signatures!! That teacher who "voted" the child with autism out of her class should not be let into a school ever again!

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/Fire-teacher-for-unprofessional-conduct Proud Mama To

Positive Parenting Idea of the Day

Knowledge is better than riches.

--African Proverbs

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