The Bully

The Bully, The Bullied, and the Bystander
The Bully
 Bullies come in all shapes and sizes. Some are big; some are small; some bright and some not so bright; some attractive and some not so attractive; some popular and some disliked by almost everybody.

      Bullying is a conscious, willful and deliberate hostile activity, intended to harm. The four markers of bullying are:

      1.  An imbalance of power

      2.  Intent to harm

      3.  Threat of further aggression

      4.  When bullying escalates unabated—terror

      Bullying is not about anger, or even about conflict. It's about contempt—a powerful feeling of dislike toward someone considered to be worthless, inferior or undeserving of respect. Contempt comes with three apparent psychological advantages that allow kids to harm others without feeling empathy, compassion or shame. These are:

      1.  A sense of entitlement—the right to control, dominate, subjugate, and abuse another human being

      2.  An intolerance toward difference

      3.  A liberty to exclude—to bar, isolate, and segregate a person deemed not worthy of respect or care

      Adults sometimes have difficulty distinguishing between teasing, which is normal social interaction, and taunting, which is a form of bullying. The differences are:

Teasing

      1.  Allows the teaser and person teased to swap roles

      2.  Isn't intended to hurt the other person

      3.  Maintains the basic dignity of everyone involved

      4.  Pokes fun in a lighthearted, clever, and benign way

      5.  Is meant to get both parties to laugh

      6.  Is only a small part of the activities shared by kids who have something in common

      7.  Is innocent in motive

      8.  Is discontinued when person teased becomes upset or objects to the teasing

 Taunting

      1.  Is based on an imbalance of power and is one-sided: the bully taunts, the bullied kid is taunted

      2.  Is intended to harm

      3.  Involves humiliating, cruel, demeaning, or bigoted comments thinly disguised as jokes

      4.  Includes laughter directed at the target, not with the target

      5.  Is meant to diminish the sense of self-worth of the target

      6.  Induces fear of further taunting or can be a prelude to physical bullying

      7.  Is sinister in motive

      8.  Continues especially when targeted kid becomes distressed or objects to the taunt

 Seven steps to stop bullying

      1.  Discipline (including the three Rs: restitution, resolution, reconciliation)

      2.  Create opportunities to "do good"

      3.  Nurture empathy

      4.  Teach friendship skills

      5.  Closely monitor TV viewing, video games and computer activities

      6.  Engage in more constructive, entertaining, energizing activities

      7.  Teach ways to "will good"

The Bullied

The one thing that all kids who are bullied have in common is that a bully or a bunch of bullies has targeted them. Each one was singled out to be the object of scorn, and thus the recipient of bullying, merely because he or she was different in some way.

      The warning signs that a child is a victim of bullying are:

      1.    Shows an abrupt lack of interest in school, or refuses to go to school

      2.    Takes an unusual route to school

      3.    Suffers a drop in grades

      4.    Withdraws from family and school activities

      5.    Is hungry after school

      6.    Steals money from home

      7.    Makes a beeline to the bathroom when arriving home

      8.    Is sad, sullen, angry, or scared after receiving a phone call or email

      9.    Does something out of character

      10.  Has torn or missing clothing

      11.  Uses derogatory or demeaning language when talking about peers

      12.  Stops talking about peers and everyday activities

      13.  Has physical injuries not consistent with explanation

      14.  Has stomachaches, headaches, panic attacks, is unable to sleep, sleeps too much, is exhausted

      15.  Plays alone, or prefers to hang with adults

      Kids don't tell adults they are being bullied because:

      1.  They are ashamed of being bullied

      2.  They are afraid of retaliation

      3.  They don't think anyone can help them

      4.  They don't think anyone will help them

      5.  They've bought into the lie that bullying is a necessary part of growing up

      6.  They might believe that adults are part of the lie—they bully, too

      7.  They have learned that "ratting" on a peer is bad, not cool

 If your child is bullied, don't:

      1.  Minimize, rationalize, or explain away the bully's behavior

      2.  Rush in to solve the problem for your child

      3.  Tell your child to avoid the bully

      4.  Tell your child to fight back

      5.  Confront the bully or the bully's parents alone

 If your child is bullied, do:

      1.  Say "I hear you; I am here for you; I believe in you; you are not alone in this."

      2.  Say "It is not your fault."

      3.  Say "There are things you can do."

      4.  Report the bullying to school personnel

      The four most powerful antidotes to bullying are:

      1.  A strong sense of self

      2.  Being a friend

      3.  Having at least one good friend who is there for you through thick and then

      4.  Being able to successfully get into a group—and get out when it does not serve you well

     

Parents should report the bullying incident in the following manner:

      1.  Arrange a meeting for you and your child with the appropriate person at the school

      2.  Bring to the meeting the facts in writing—the date, time, place, kids involved, and the specifics of the incidents—and the  impact the bullying has had on your child as well as what your child has done to try to stop the bullying that didn't work

      3.  Work with your child and school personnel on a plan that addresses what your child needs right now in order to feel safe, what she can do to avoid being bullied and to stand up to any future bullying, and whom she can go to for help

      4.  Find out what procedures the bully will be going through and what kind of support the school is expecting from the parents of the bully

      5.  If you feel the problem is not being adequately addressed by the school, know that you can express your concerns and let the teacher and/or administrator know that you will take the next step to the school district board office and if necessary—especially in the cases of serious abuse and racist or sexist bullying—to the police.

      Schools have a clear role in preventing and stopping bullying. A caring school:

      1.  Gathers information about bullying at school directly from students

      2.  Establishes clear school wide and classroom rules about bullying

      3.  Trains all adults in the school to respond sensitively and consistently to bullying

      4.  Provides adequate adult supervision, particularly in less structured areas, such as on the playground and in the lunchroom

      5.  Improves parental awareness of and involvement in working on the problem.

The Bystander

      Bystanders are the third group of players in this tragedy. They are the supporting cast who aid and abet the bully, through acts of omission and commission. They stand idly by or look away, or they can actively encourage the bully or join in and become one of a bunch of bullies. Injustice overlooked or ignored becomes a contagion that infects even those who thought they could turn away.

      Bullying is challenged when the majority stands up against the cruel acts of the minority. Establishing new norms, enforcing playground rules, and increasing supervision are policy decisions that can help reduce the incidents of bullying. Since much of the bullying goes on "under the radar of adults," a potent force is kids themselves showing bullies that they will not be looked up to, nor will their cruel behavior be condoned or tolerated. Kids need not by bystanders. They can become active witnesses, standing up for their peers, speaking out against injustices, and taking responsibility for what happened among themselves.

      With care and commitment, adults can rechannel the behaviors of the bully into positive leadership activities; acknowledge the nonaggressive behaviors of the bullied child as strengths that can be developed and are honored; and transform the role of the bystander into that of a witness, someone willing to stand up, speak out, and act against injustice. A daunting task, but a necessary one.

Helping Teenagers with Stress

 The following information comes from the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, www.aacap.org/publications/factsfam/66.htm.

 Physiology of Stress

      Some teens become overloaded with stress. When it happens, inadequately managed stress can lead to anxiety, withdrawal, aggression, physical illness, or poor coping skills such as drug and/or alcohol use.  When we perceive a situation as difficult or painful, changes occur in our minds and bodies to prepare us to respond to danger. This "fight, flight, or freeze" response includes faster heart and breathing rate, increased blood to muscles of arms and legs, cold or clammy hands and feet, upset stomach and/or a sense of dread.

      The same mechanism that turns on the stress response can turn it off. As soon as we decide that a situation is no longer dangerous, changes can occur in our minds and bodies to help us relax and calm down. This "relaxation response" includes decreased heart and breathing rate and a sense of well-being. Teens that develop a "relaxation response" and other stress management skills feel less helpless and have more choices when responding to stress.

      Parents can help their teens in these ways:

      ▪Monitor if stress is affecting their teen's health, behavior, thoughts, or feelings

      ▪Listen carefully to teens and watch for overloading

      ▪Learn and model stress management skills

      ▪Support involvement in sports and other pro-social activities

      Teens can decrease stress with the following behaviors and techniques:

      ▪Exercise and eat regularly

      ▪Avoid excess caffeine intake which can increase feelings of anxiety and agitation

      ▪Avoid illegal drugs, alcohol and tobacco

      ▪Learn relaxation exercises (abdominal breathing and muscle relaxation techniques)

      ▪Develop assertiveness training skills. For example, state feelings in polite, firm and not overly aggressive or passive ways ("I feel angry when you yell at me" "Please stop yelling.")

      ▪Rehearse and practice situations which cause stress, such as giving a speech..

      ▪Learn practical coping skills. For example, break a large task into smaller, more attainable tasks.

      ▪Decrease negative self-talk: challenge negative thoughts about yourself with alternative neutral or positive thoughts. "My life will never get better" can be transferred into "I may feel hopeless now, but my life will probably get better if I work at it and get some help."

      ▪Learn to feel good about doing a competent or "good enough" job rather than demanding perfection from yourself and others.

      ▪Take a break from stressful situations. Activities like listening to music, talking to a friend, drawing, writing, or spending time with a pet can reduce stress.

      ▪Build a network of friends who help you cope in a positive way.

Tattling vs. Reporting

“He called me a name!”-“She cut in front of me in line!”-“They threatened me!”

Surely, in this day and age, we want children to tell us when someone is breaking a rule, someone is getting hurt, or something dangerous is happening.  However, we want to avoid sending our children a mixed message.  Sometimes, when a child tells an adult what is going on, the child’s information may be categorized as tattling.

What is your definition of tattling?  According to Macmillan Dictionary, to tattle is “to reveal the secrets, activities, or private affairs of another.” Children tattle for countless reasons:  to get attention (negative or positive), to feel like they are better than someone else, to get someone in trouble, to get someone else to solve their own problems (ex. who gets to watch which program on TV), etc.  Nevertheless, it is extremely important for your child to learn when to tell an adult immediately and when to try and solve the problem on his/her own.

Sometimes “telling” can help prevent something tragic from happening at home or at school.  How can we encourage kids to tell us when they are truly afraid or someone is in danger, and yet not hear about it every single time a child “cuts” in line or “looks at him/her funny.”  What is the difference between “telling” an adult and “tattling” to an adult?

Frequently, the very thing a tattletale says is, “I’m telling...!” So, after careful research and consideration I have changed my focus from distinguishing between "Tattling versus Telling” to “Tattling versus Reporting.”   This is how I explain the difference: 

 “You have probably all seen reporters on television telling us about important world events, and have all read articles written by newspaper reporters about things happening in our world.  YOU, too, can BE a REPORTER!  At home and at school, when you see something newsworthy you have the right and the responsibility to “report” it to an adult.  To determine the difference between tattling and reporting, just answer these three short questions:

     (1) Is someone’s BODY getting hurt or something dangerous happening?

     (2) Are someone’s FEELINGS really getting hurt?

     (3) Is someone’s PROPERTY getting damaged?  

If your answer is YES to one or more of these questions, it is your job to be a “reporter” and tell an adult right away!”

Through different mediums, your child has learned about tattling and reporting at school.  In real situations at home, you can reinforce this skill by asking your child these three questions.  For example, when a child comes to you and tells you that a sibling  “... won’t let me watch my television program,” ask your child those three questions (body, feelings, property).  If their answer is NO, encourage your child to further ask themselves: 

     (A) Am I telling to get this person in trouble (tattling) or to help the person (reporting)

     (B) Have I done everything I can do to help? (Problem-solving). 

Then talk with your child to problem-solve and determine what they can try before they come to you to solve their problem.  Please, make no mistake; the purpose of this article certainly is not to discourage children from going to adult when they genuinely need an adult’s help.  If your child is being bullied or harassed we encourage him/her and you to find  help.  Rather, these three questions can empower your child to take responsibility for trying to solve their problems first (unless body, feelings, or property are at stake).  In doing so, your child will develop lifelong problem-solving skills that will make them more successful in life.  Perhaps even more importantly, the child-parent and child-teacher interactions that result from such an exchange are a lot more positive and productive than the reactions incurred by the adult solving the child’s problem for them over and over again.

Proud Mama To

An exerpt from Positive Toddler Parenting

You’re hired! Your start date was the day your first child was born. Your boss is a person a fraction of your size with dubious communication skills. Your job: the Most Important Job in the World – parenting. You accepted the position with anticipation, joy, excitement and a little bit of trepidation. It’s the Most Important Job in the World, so how will you know you’ve succeeded?
By now you have the tactical aspects of this job nailed down (feed, change, dress, love, feed again, change again, love, stimulate brain activity, change again, and so on). Your current activity hinges on how quickly or how well you react to the immediate situation: “You must be hungry, let’s get you a snack.” “We need to change that dirty diaper.” “Please don’t push your friends.” You’re flying along in operational mode.
But wait – you are also the CEP (Chief Executive Parent) in this organization, and Chief Executives set the strategic, long-term vision. With such an important job to do, having a vision for the success of your family clarifies your objectives and helps you focus your actions, just as they would in the corporate world.
How would your outlook on parenting change if you had a clearly defined vision for what “success” as a parent would look like to you? Would you feel more empowered if you had specific, daily tools to proactively foster the positive values and behaviors you hope to nurture in your child?
                  Here are a few tips to define success, integrate your parenting goals into your daily activities, and shift your thought process to be more proactive and less reactive:
                  1. Appreciate your child’s unique personality and talents. Children come into the world with their own personality. While we can guide, support, and influence some aspects of their behavior, who they are at the core is pretty well established in utero! That’s part of what makes them unique and precious, and they should be celebrated.
                  2. Decide what parenting success means to you. Imagine a point in your child’s future (college graduation, wedding, etc.) when you will reflect on the adult your child has become. Set the platform to be proud of the wonderful person they have become, respecting their inherent traits as well as the values they hold and how they treat others and make decisions.
                  3. Set an intention to succeed. Set the image of parenting success clearly in your head and act as if it were a fait accompli. Make a commitment to make your success image come true.
                  4. Make a plan and make it easy. For each of the most important success factors, identify ways you can model to your children that value or behavior while you go about your everyday life. Get your children involved in the process. This is your opportunity to be proactive and reinforce positive actions each day.
                  5. Review at different stages in your child’s life. Find a way to remind yourself of your intention and your action plan. Review it periodically to make sure it is still relevant to you and appropriate to your children’s’ ages and interests. One of the best ways to ensure that you stay on track with any goal is to find an accountability partner – your spouse, a friend, a coach.
                  When you consciously and intentionally model the traits and behaviors you wish for your child, your opportunities to foster those values grow exponentially. You may never get a formal performance appraisal for your job as a parent, but it’s nice to know that you’ve done everything you can to help your child be the best person they can be. Now that’s a job well done!

Encouragement.


There are 4 steps.


1. Notice something you like that your child is doing. Ignore the
negative unless it will hurt themselves or others.


2. Notice how you feel when they are doing something that you like.


3. Say it! ("I feel.....that you....")


4. Notice how your child responds.

Can Do.


1. Notice what you don't want your child to do.


2. Think of something that your child can do instead.


3. Tell your child what they can do.


4. Help your child if necessary.


So it goes like this. You notice that your child is heading out to the
road. You don't want them to do that so you think of something else
they can do like look at a pretty flower you see by your house. So you
ask them to come over to look at the flower and go over and guide them
to the flower if they still head over to the road. That's overly
simplified but it's basically positive redirection.


They said that it's important not to say don't. So instead of saying
don't go into the road you are giving them positive options that they
can do.

Proud Mama To

Raising kids with character

Daycares, Preschools, Schools Partner With Parents To Teach Reinforce Character

It's never too early to begin teaching children how to be caring, confident, self-aware and respectful of those around them. Of course, parents are a child's first teacher in teaching character lessons, but moms and dads should be pleased and confident in knowing that many schools across America as well as pre-schools and daycare settings are teaching and reinforcing these efforts as well.

La Petite Academy offers a curriculum called “Kids of Character” to teach children (from preschool on) the fundamentals of character building, including: teamwork, kindness, honesty, citizenship, responsibility and respect.

 Following are five tips La Petite Academy shares with parents on how to raise “Kids of Character”:

1. Volunteer with your child.
By making community service a regular part of your child’s life, you reinforce the importance of giving to others/sharing and help him or her develop a greater awareness of the world and the diversity of people in it. Volunteer outings together also provide great opportunities to spend quality time together as a family. At La Petite, kids are asked to join with parents in two annual fundraising events per year for the Make-A-Wish Foundation. The events are not only fun family activities, but also raise considerable money for a worthy cause.
2. Treat others as you’d like your child to treat them. You are your child’s first and most influential teacher and they are always watching you. “Modeling” your own kind and caring behavior towards friends and relatives is an effective way to teach your children how to be good to others. Show what being a good friend is about and tell your children how to treat people with kindness and respect.
3. Be your child’s problem “helper” versus problem solver. Guide and support your children as they work through conflicts or struggles, but avoid doing for them what they have the skills to accomplish on their own. Rather than anticipating and dissolving potential struggles for your child before they happen, become a partner and join his/her efforts to work through them together.
4. Encourage your child to be truthful, but focus on correcting behavior versus pressuring them into “confessing.” Children often stretch the truth or make up stories to avoid getting in trouble after misbehaving. By rationally focusing on a behavior problem rather than showing disappointment about you child’s cover-up/lie, you send a direct message that he or she shouldn’t fear being disciplined and thus telling a story is not necessary.
5. Engage and involve your child in everyday tasks. Asking for their help makes children feel useful and important. By regularly involving your child in age-appropriate jobs with you, you’re helping him/her develop a sense of responsibility and familiarity working with others.

Proud Mama To

The Potty Training Readiness Quiz

By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of The No-Cry Potty TrainingSolution

Potty training is easier and happens faster ifyour child is truly ready in all three areas: physical, cognitive and social.But the big question is: how do you know when your child is ready? If you havenever traveled this road before, you likely don’t even know what signs to lookfor. Take this quiz to find out where your child is on the readiness spectrum.

1. Ican tell by watching that my child is wetting or filling his diaper:

a. Never.

b. Sometimes.

c. Usually.

2. My toddler's diaper needs to bechanged:

a. Frequently, every hour or two.

b. It varies.

c. Every two to three hours--sometimesless frequently.

3. My child understands the meaning of wet,dry, clean, wash, sit, and go:

a. No.

b. Someof them.

c. Yes.

4. When my child communicates her needs,she:

a. Says or signs a few basic words and Iguess the rest.

b. Gets her essential points across to me.

c. Has a good vocabulary and talks to mein sentences.

5. IfI give my child a simple direction, such as, "put this in the toybox," she:

a. Doesn'tunderstand or doesn't follow directions.

b. Willdo it if I coach or help her.

c. Understandsme and does it.

6. Mychild can take his pants off and put them on:

a. No.

b. Withhelp he can.

c. Yes. 7. When I read a book to my child,he: a. He ignores me. b. Sometimes listens, sometimeswanders off. c. Sits, listens and enjoys thestory. 8. My toddler wants to do things“all by myself”: a. Never. b. Sometimes.

c. Allthe time!

9. Ithink that it's the right time to begin potty training:

a. No.

b. I'mundecided.

c. Yes.

Total thenumber of responses for each letter:

a. __________

b. __________

c. __________

Mostanswers are a: Wait.

Your little one doesn't seem to be ready justyet. Test again in a month or two.

Mostanswers are b: Time for pre-potty training--get ready!

Your child is not quite ready for activetraining, but you can take many steps to prepare your toddler for the future.Gradual introduction of terms and ideas will make potty training easier whenthe time comes.

Mostanswers are c: Your toddler is ready to use the potty!

It's time to start your potty trainingadventure. Good luck, and have fun!

Are youbetween two scores?

Just like any parenting situation, there arechoices to make. If your child is hovering between two categories, it's time toput your intuition to good use. Your knowledge of your own child can direct youtoward the right plan of action.

This article is an excerpt from The No-Cry PottyTraining Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Child Say Good-Bye to Diapers byElizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2006)

~*~*~*~*~

You are welcome to reprint this article on yourwebsite or in your newspaper or newsletter, provided that you reprint theentire article, including the complete byline with author's name and booktitle. Please also send a link or copy to elizabeth@pantley.com. Thank you.

Proud Mama To

Pressure on Parents: How to Overcome the Stresses of Parenthood

Competitive Pressures on Kids

PTA Resources for Stress Relief Hints to relieve homework stress from Our Children.

Ways for parents to relieve competitive anxiety The stress a competitive society places on kids can be as unbearable for the parents as for their kids. However, child researcher Wendy Grolnick says competitive anxiety can be channeled into positive parenting.

First off, panicked parents need not worry that they are alone. Almost all parents feel pressured to have their kids succeed, Grolnick says. This is a protective response, one in which we are genetically predisposed.

"You're not crazy. We're hard-wired to protect our kids," she adds.

This hard-wiring can go haywire, though. When they feel their kids are threatened, some parents become controlling and start pushing kids to excel, Grolnick says.

This push does not always work. Too often, the focus is on outcomes—such as getting a good grade on a test—rather than learning or development, Grolnick says. When the outcome is the focus, what leads up to it is seen as work, not fun. Intrinsic motivations—the true keys to success—are wiped out.

"For the things that require excellence, the only thing that will ultimately get us there is that we are doing it because we love it," she says.

Parents can help maximize their child's chances at success (and reduce anxiety for both parent and child) by focusing on three feelings (which are discussed in her book with Kathy Seal, Pressured Parents, Stressed-Out Kids: Dealing With Competition While Raising a Successful Child):

1. Autonomy – This lets children feel they can solve their own problems. They feel in charge and not controlled. This does not mean parents cede control or engage in "hands-off" parenting. It means, for instance, that you help a child with her homework when she asks for it and not hover over her making sure she completes it.

2. Competence – By providing structure, parents give their children guidelines for how to act in the world, which instills them with a feeling of competence. Help them determine how to do well at something. For homework time, discuss with your child the best time to start, where to do it, and reasonable consequences for not doing it. "Get input from the child. Let them be part of the process," she says. Setting up structures is one way parents can siphon nervous energy into positive parenting. Parent and child can work together to build a structure that strengthens competence and feeds intrinsic motivations.

3. Connectedness – Support, in the form of time and other resources, provides children with a necessary feeling of connection. Parents should never worry about being over-involved. You can't support your child enough as long as you also support her autonomy, Grolnick says.

Ultimately, what this system does is get kids to do more on their own, taking pressure off both parents and the kids.

"Involvement is good," she says. "Just be autonomy-supporting, not pressuring or controlling."

Proud Mama To

Importance of early music integration

Strong correlations also were found between musical abilities in young children, particularly the ability to match vocal pitches and reproduce rhythmic patterns, and abstract reasoning abilities. These findings support the theories formulated by Gordon Shaw, Francis Rauscher and other researchers who have argued that early music instruction produces cognitive benefits in the area of spatial-temporal reasoning.

In addition to demonstrating the effect of early music instruction on cognitive development, the results of the study also underscore the importance of parental involvement in the intellectual formation of young children. Children who participated in the music activities with their parents at least 30 minutes a week scored significantly higher on both their intelligence and musical skills tests than the children who attended the Kindermusik classes but did not receive this level of parental assistance.

New research continues to provide support for the benefits of early music instruction. Regarding early musical abilities, researchers reported in the journal Developmental Psychology that “eight- to nine-month old infants learned to respond to melody changes in music. Their pattern of response was the same as adults, indicating that brain specializations for the processing of musical contour are present at a very early age.” Researchers at the University of Toronto have found similar results. Musica Research Notes observes, “Overall, it now seems clear that there is little distinction between infant-directed speech and song, that infants react to the prosodic and musical qualities of the two forms of verbal communication, and that the earliest of language lessons are in no sense merely linguistic. These conclusions support the view that the human comes ‘equipped’ with both language and music competencies.”

Don Campbell, author of The Mozart Effect, adds that the more preschool children are exposed to music, the more their neurological development will be enhanced in such a way as to assist them throughout their lives. And Carla Hannaford, a well-known educator and author who earned her doctorate in the field of biology, also testifies: “Physiologically, touch, movement, rhythm and sound are the keystones to developing a healthy vestibular system and optimizing nervous system and brain growth. The importance of having families working together, where everyone benefits from the sense of belonging, gets directly at the heart of what we, as a society, are needing at this time to raise healthy, loving children and ensure a world of peace. Proud Mama To

Positive parenting idea of the day

One of the most basic areas of confusion among parents is whether or not a family is a democracy.  If parents feel it is one, composed of equals, then they usually avoid leadership and back off from discipline.  But a family is not a democracy – neither power nor responsibility is equally distributed between children and adults.  In order to feel secure children need their parents to provide behavior control and decision making in the early years because they can’t solve problems alone.  They need to be taught to share, wait, respect others and accept responsibility for their behavior.  Although limit-setting may make children feel frustrated and resentful, it helps them learn self-control and to balance their wishes against those of others.

--Carolyn Webster-Stratton, The Incredible Years: A Trouble Shooting Guide for Parents of Children Aged 3-8

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Proud Mama To

Hey Exxon, Our Kids Trump Your Profits!

As if the price of gas wasn't bad enough, now Exxon Mobil is aggressively lobbying to defeat our efforts to ban phthalates, a toxic chemical, from kids' toys.

Hundreds of independent, peer-reviewed scientific studies that have been generated since the 1970s link phthalate exposure to serious health effects including reduced testosterone levels, lowered sperm counts, early puberty in girls, and genital defects in baby boys.

Tell Congress not to prioritize Exxon Mobil's profits over our kids' health:
http://www.momsrising.org/ban_phthalates

Why is Exxon Mobil using its deep pockets to fight the efforts of moms and dads to ban phthalates from kids' toys? It's simple. Exxon Mobil is one of the world's largest producers of DINP -- the primary plasticizer used to make soft plastic kids toys. Banning phthalates would be bad for Exxon Mobil's business. But I'm not too worried about their profit margin, last year they broke the record for profits earned by a U.S. corporation -- $40.6 billion.[1]

Last month, you sent over 19,000 letters to Congress which helped convince one key undecided member -- Rep. Diana DeGette -- to go on record in support of a ban on toxic phthalates in children's toys. Now we need only two more votes to win passage of this critical measure. Please send letters to the four members of the House Conference Committee who are still undecided.

http://www.momsrising.org/ban_phthalates

Let's show Exxon Mobil that they are no match for the moms and dads of this country. Through the efforts of MomsRising.org members and our aligned organizations, we are shaking the halls of Congress with our demands for swift action to protect our kids from toxic toys and other children's products. And our leaders are listening. We have achieved a critical moment where the will of people and political actions of our leaders are finally coalescing to create a strong response to toxic toys.

Right now, a House/Senate Conference Committee is meeting to finalize the Consumer Product Safety Commission Reform Act (CPSC) Act which will strengthen our nation's protections against toxic toys. We have a critical window in the next two weeks to add the Feinstein Amendment to the CPSC, restricting the use of six toxic phthalates in children's toys.

Please take a minute to forward this message to your friends and family. The more letters we send to Congress, the more impact we will have. Thanks again for your incredible work to move Congress to finally take action to prevent toxic toys from reaching our children!

Donna, Kristin, Joan, Roz, Katie, Mary, and the MomsRising.org Team
[1] http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/01/business/01cnd-exxon.html

P.S. For information about how to reduce your child's exposure to toxic chemicals see,
http://www.environmentcalifornia.org/environmental-health/stop-toxic-toys/recommendations-for-parents
http://www.healthytoys.org

P.P.S. For more information about phthalates, click here,
http://www.breastcancerfund.org/site/pp.asp?c=kwKXLdPaE&b=4132341



Proud Mama To

Happy 17th Months Wyatt

Wyatt is 17 months and has 105 words(signed/spoken), 31 two word sentences, and 5 three word sentences! Wyatt LOVES books and we spend hours reading and signing to books daily. He amazes me every day with what he is learning. It is so cute to see him sign for plane when he sees one outside, then actually say the word, or sign and say daddy, na-na, mama, or sis, when hey come into a room and so much more! He is my little genius!














Proud Mama To

Recalls

This message consists of the following:

1. Parragon Books Recalls Children's Necklaces Due to Risk of Lead Exposure

2. Shoelace and Necklace Children's Charms Recalled by Action Products International Due to Risk of Lead Exposure

3. Lawn Mowers Recalled by American Honda Motor Corp. Due to Laceration Hazard

4. Lip Gloss and Jewelry Sets Sold Exclusively at Wal-Mart Recalled by F.A.F. Inc. Due to Risk of Lead Exposure

********************************************************

1. Parragon Books Recalls Children's Necklaces Due to Risk of Lead Exposure

NEWS from CPSC
U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission
Office of Information and Public Affairs Washington, DC 20207

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
July 10, 2008
Release #08-326

Firm's Recall Hotline: (888) 480-2854
CPSC Recall Hotline: (800) 638-2772
CPSC Media Contact: (301) 504-7908

Parragon Books Recalls Children's Necklaces Due to Risk of Lead Exposure

WASHINGTON,
D.C. - The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, in cooperation with
the firm named below, today announced a voluntary recall of the
following consumer product. Consumers should stop using recalled
products immediately unless otherwise instructed.

Name of Product: Children's Necklaces with Ballet Shoes Charms

Units: About 500,000

Distributor: Parragon Inc., New York, New York

Importer: Parragon Books Ltd., of United Kingdom

Hazard:
Solder on the charm of the necklace may contain high levels of lead,
which if ingested by young children can cause adverse health effects.

Incidents/Injuries: None.

Description:
The recalled necklace has a silver-colored chain with a silver-colored
charm consisting of a pair of ballet shoes and a bow. The necklace was
provided with the purchase of a children's book entitled, The Magical
Ballet Slippers (alternatively titled Ballerina's Magical Shoes), ISBN
1405411449, published by Parragon Books, Ltd. UPC 9781405411448 is
printed on the back of the book. Spanish version, Las zapatillas
magicas de la bailarina ISBN 1405448385; UPC 9781405448383. French
version, Les petits chaussons magiques ISBN 1405449527; UPC
9781405449526.

Sold at: Retail chains and independent bookstores nationwide from January 2003 through June 2008 for about $7.

Manufactured in: China

Remedy:
Consumers should immediately take the recalled necklaces away from
children and contact Parragon for instructions on how to return the
necklace and receive a free children's book.

Consumer Contact:
For more information, consumers can contact Parragon 24 hours a day, 7
days a week, toll-free at (888) 480-2854, or visit the firm's Web site:
www.parragonrecall.com

To see this recall on CPSC's web site, including pictures of the recalled product, please go to: http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml08/08326.html

********************************************************

2. Shoelace and Necklace Children's Charms Recalled by Action Products International Due to Risk of Lead Exposure

NEWS from CPSC
U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission
Office of Information and Public Affairs Washington, DC 20207

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
July 10, 2008
Release #08-327

Firm's Recall Hotline: (800) 772-2846
CPSC Recall Hotline: (800) 638-2772
CPSC Media Contact: (301) 504-7908

Shoelace and Necklace Children's Charms Recalled by Action Products International Due to Risk of Lead Exposure

WASHINGTON,
D.C. - The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, in cooperation with
the firm named below, today announced a voluntary recall of the
following consumer product. Consumers should stop using recalled
products immediately unless otherwise instructed.

Name of Product: Children's Charm Craft Kits

Units: 18,500 units

Importer: Action Products International Inc., of Ocala, Fla.

Hazard:
The clasp in the charm craft kits contains high levels of lead. Lead is
toxic if ingested by young children and can cause adverse health
effects.

Incidents/Injuries: None reported.

Description:
This recall involves "Super Dooper Charms" (item #63403) and "Shoelace
Charms" (item #67310) children's charm craft kits. The craft kits
contain components (i.e., charms, beads, wire, clasps) to assemble
necklaces, jewelry accessories, or charms that can be hooked on
shoelaces, backpacks, or used as zipper pulls. The item number can be
found on the back of the package.

Sold through: Various
retailers nationwide from July 2007 through April 2008 for about $17
for the "Super Dooper Charms" kit and $6 for the "Shoelace Charms" kit.

Manufactured in: China

Remedy:
Consumers should immediately take the recalled product away from
children and contact Action Products International for instructions on
returning it for a free replacement.

Consumer Contact: For
additional information, contact Action Products International at (800)
772-2846 between 8:30 a.m. and 5 p.m. ET Monday through Friday or visit
the company's Web site at www.apii.com

To see this recall on CPSC's web site, including pictures of the recalled product, please go to: http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml08/08327.html

********************************************************

3. Lawn Mowers Recalled by American Honda Motor Corp. Due to Laceration Hazard

NEWS from CPSC
U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission
Office of Information and Public Affairs Washington, DC 20207

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
July 10, 2008
Release #08-328

Firm's Recall Hotline: (800) 426-7701
CPSC Recall Hotline: (800) 638-2772
CPSC Media Contact: (301) 504-7908

Lawn Mowers Recalled by American Honda Motor Corp. Due to Laceration Hazard

WASHINGTON,
D.C. - The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, in cooperation with
the firm named below, today announced a voluntary recall of the
following consumer product. Consumers should stop using recalled
products immediately unless otherwise instructed.

Name of Product: Honda Lawn Mowers

Units: 20,500

Manufacturer: American Honda Motor Corp., of Torrance, Calif.

Hazard:
The lawn mower's rear shield can break off allowing debris to be thrown
toward the operator, which poses a laceration hazard to consumers.

Incidents/Injuries:
American Honda has received one report of a shield breaking off the
lawn mower. No injuries have been reported.

Description: This
recall involves HRX walk-behind lawn mowers with model numbers
HRX217(K)2HXA and HRX217(K)2HMA. The model and serial number are
printed on a label located on the upper rear of the mower deck. Serial
numbers included in the recall are MAGA-1500001 through 1520532. The
recalled lawn mowers are red with "HONDA" written on the bag.

Sold
by: Authorized American Honda Motor Corp. dealers and Home Depot stores
nationwide from October 2007 to June 2008 for about $900.

Manufactured in: United States

Remedy:
Consumers should immediately stop using the recalled lawn mowers and
contact their local Honda Lawn and Garden dealer to schedule a free
repair. Registered owners of the recalled lawn mowers have been
contacted by direct mail notification.

Consumer Contact: For
additional information, contact Honda at (800) 426-7701 between 8:30
a.m. and 5 p.m. ET Monday through Friday, or visit Honda's Web site at www.hondapowerequipment.com

To see this recall on CPSC's web site, including pictures of the recalled product, please go to: http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml08/08328.html

********************************************************

4. Lip Gloss and Jewelry Sets Sold Exclusively at Wal-Mart Recalled by F.A.F. Inc. Due to Risk of Lead Exposure

NEWS from CPSC
U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission
Office of Information and Public Affairs Washington, DC 20207

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
July 10, 2008
Release #08-329

Firm's Recall Hotline: (800) 949-3311
CPSC Recall Hotline: (800) 638-2772
CPSC Media Contact: (301) 504-7908

Lip Gloss and Jewelry Sets Sold Exclusively at Wal-Mart Recalled by F.A.F. Inc. Due to Risk of Lead Exposure

WASHINGTON,
D.C. - The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, in cooperation with
the firm named below, today announced a voluntary recall of the
following consumer product. Consumers should stop using recalled
products immediately unless otherwise instructed.

Name of Product: "Faded Glory" Lip Gloss, Locket, and Bracelet Sets

Units: 30,000

Importer: F.A.F. Inc., of Greenville, R.I.

Distributer: Wal-Mart Stores Inc., of Bentonville, Ark.

Hazard:
The lobster claw clasp on the bracelet contains high levels of lead,
which is toxic if ingested and can cause adverse health effects.

Incidents/Injuries: None reported.

Description:
The recalled three-piece sets contain a rectangle-shaped lip gloss
container, a heart-shaped locket necklace, and a charm bracelet. The
following models are included in the recall:

Item | Model Number | UPC
Frog Set | 6709-4250 | 72783357703
Monkey Set | 6709-4251 | 72783357704
Cat Set | 6709-4252 | 72783357705

"Faded Glory", the model number, and UPC are printed on the product's hangtag.

Sold at: Wal-Mart stores nationwide from May 2008 through June 2008 for about $6.

Manufactured in: China

Remedy:
Consumers should immediately take the bracelet away from children and
return the set to any Wal-Mart store for a full refund.

Consumer
Contact: For additional information, contact F.A.F. Inc. at (800)
949-3311 between 8:30 a.m. and 4:30 p.m. ET Monday through Friday, or
visit the firm's Web site at www.faf.com

To see this recall on CPSC's web site, including pictures of the recalled product, please go to: http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml08/08329.html

********************************************************

The
U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission is charged with protecting the
public from unreasonable risks of serious injury or death from more
than 15,000 types of consumer products under the agency's jurisdiction.
Deaths, injuries and property damage from consumer product incidents
cost the nation more than $800 billion annually. The CPSC is committed
to protecting consumers and families from products that pose a fire,
electrical, chemical, or mechanical hazard or can injure children. The
CPSC's work to ensure the safety of consumer products - such as toys,
cribs, power tools, cigarette lighters, and household chemicals -
contributed significantly to the 30 percent decline in the rate of
deaths and injuries associated with consumer products over the past 30
years.

To report a dangerous product or a product-related
injury, call CPSC's hotline at (800) 638-2772 or CPSC's teletypewriter
at (800) 638-8270, or visit CPSC's web site at www.cpsc.gov/talk.html. To join a CPSC email subscription list, please go to www.cpsc.gov/cpsclist.aspx. Consumers can obtain this release and recall information at CPSC's Web site at www.cpsc.gov.



Proud Mama To

How to have a smarter baby

1. 
   
   Talk to your baby.
   
   This may seem obvious, but, particularly with the first born, it is easy to fall into a
   
   pattern of performing the household chores in silence while your baby watches from his
   
   swing or baby seat. Speak clearly and look at your baby while you speak. Tell him
   
   about what you are doing. If you are cooking supper, you can introduce him to food words,
   
   words describing kitchen utensils and appliances, and other words such as slice, chop, or
   
   mix. You just might be able to distract your child during what may be a cranky time.
   
   Use simple sentences and gradually introduce descriptive words. Baby talk is fine! Talk in
   
   a sing-song voice if you want. Play with words and vary your expression.  Have
   
   fun with your baby!
2. 
   
   Read to your baby from birth.
   
   Find a comfy rocker, prop your baby in the crook of your arm, and pick out a favorite
   
   picture book. (See some suggestions on this page.) Point to the pictures and describe
   
   what you say. A book before naps and bedtime is a pleasant routine and a nice way to wind
   
   down for sleeping. Vary your tone of voice and pause for your baby to enjoy the pictures.
   
   Remember, reading is not limited to books. When you are stopped at a stop sign - show your
   
   toddler the word STOP, read KIX on the front of the cereal box, DELI in the grocery
   
   store.... (My children were all very pleased with themselves when they realized they could
   
   read the word PIZZA )
3. 
   
   Listen to music.
   
   There are many tapes and cd's on the market today which encourage early learning in our
   
   babies such as  Build Your Baby's
   
   Brain - Through the Power of Music , Baby Bach ,
   
   and  Baby
   
   needs Mozart Try one of these or one of the more traditional children's song's tapes.
   
   Or go through your own music collection and pick out what you like best. Sing along or
   
   dance-along just for fun. Remember to keep the volume low to moderate.
4. 
   
   Infant Toys.
   
   Textured toys, mobiles, activity centers, unbreakable mirrors, black and white line
   
   drawings, squeaky toys....just because your baby may  not be sitting or holding
   
   things yet, should not stop you from playing with her.  Talk to her and hold objects
   
   in front of her showing her the different sounds and letting her touch the variety of
   
   textures. This stimulation is wonderful for infants. Later, balls, stacking bricks, and
   
   other engaging toys are excellent.  It is a good idea to give your child one or two
   
   toys at a time and trade them in for others when you notice his attention start to fade.
   
   Show your child how the toy works and then leave them to explore it on their own.  

Proud Mama To

Babies NEED books!

It is never too early to introduce

your child to books. Although infants will be unable to follow a plot or understand a

theme, infants will benefit from exposure to books. In addition to the bonding that is

inevitable when you hold your baby in your lap and communicate with her, reading to your

baby is valuable in the development of language skills. Long before your baby utters her

first word, she is absorbing sounds that will first help contribute to the development of

speech, and later reading. Books also stimulate your baby’s imagination, helping her

to make sense of situations she has experienced and introducing her to new ones.

Reading to your infant today promotes

good reading habits tomorrow. There is a difference in the attention spans of children who

have been read to regularly, says Bernice Cullinan, Professor of Early Childhood and

Elementary Education at New York University and a highly acclaimed reading specialist. Dr.

Cullinan is the author of Read to Me:

Raising Kids Who Love to Read and Invitation to Read.

As infants are particularly responsive to

the sounds of language, the best books for babies emphasize rhythm, melody, and

repetition, such as nursery rhymes and books with patterned language. Rhythm, rhyme,

repetition and familiar language sequences will captivate babies. Books for infants

usually have minimal text; the words often function like labels or captions for the

pictures. Infants enjoy looking at pictures of other people, especially other babies. They

recognize facial features and expressions. Babies and small children love seeing familiar

objects like a stuffed bear or a rubber duck, or people doing things that they have had

some experience with in their daily experience, such as getting dressed or taking bath.

Infants see books as toys. They will

explore books the same way they explore everything else in their worlds: by grabbing,

tossing, turning them upside down and putting the books in their mouths. For these

reasons, small durable board books, designed for small fingers and to endure harsh

treatment by babies, are the most appropriate for young book lovers. The following board

books should encourage your budding bookworm:

Books are not just educational and

developmental devices. Babies, like adults, are entertained by books. Parents and other

caregivers find that books are a very effective way to keep babies entertained. Indeed,

early enjoyment of books will help form a foundation for the vital role books will play in

your child’s formal education.




Proud Mama To

Positive Parenting Idea of the Day

Being the Best Parent You Can Be…One Idea at a Time

 

Giving our children the gift of effective parenting is giving them the greatest gift of all.

-- Kerby T. Alvy, The Positive Parent: Raising Healthy, Happy and Successful Children, Birth through Adolescence. 

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To share your own Positive Parenting Idea,

 reply to this e-mail and type in, “My Positive Parenting Idea” in the subject line.

 

To get the latest parenting books, videos, CDs and DVDs, click below:

http://ciccparenting.org/catalogmain.asp   (NEPI members receive a 10% discounts with NEPI member number)

 

To become a parenting instructor or leader, click below:

https://effectiveparentingusa.org/Become_an_Instructor.html

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Copyright 2008 National Effective Parenting Initiative

All Rights Reserved.  Duplication permitted only with copyright, content and details unaltered. www.effectiveparentingusa.org

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The National Effective Parenting Initiative

6260 Laurel Canyon Blvd., Suite 304

North Hollywood, CA 91606  US

(800) 325 2422

Proud Mama To

How do prescholers learn?

---

Using Language to Learn:

Activities for Preschoolers

(3 to 5 Years Old)

WHAT DO PRESCHOOLERS DO?

• Listen to stories and to conversations.
  
• Talk to adults and to other children in complex sentences.
  
  
• Master many rules of grammar.
  
• Make up silly words and stories.
  
• Use language to think, to share ideas and feelings, and to learn new things.
  
• Enjoy the same books over and over and look at new books.
  
• Retell familiar stories to themselves and others.
  
  
• Think about what the characters in a book might feel or do.
  
• Draw and write with pencils, crayons, and markers.
  
• See print around them and watch adults read and write.
  
• Imitate adult writing by scribble writing.
  
• Copy shapes and some letters.

HOW DO PRESCHOOLERS LEARN?

Gina bounces out of bed and hurries to the kitchen. She opens the cabinet, takes out a box of cereal, then puts it back. She takes out another box and says, "Grandpa, this is my cereal. It has a big 'P' and lots of stars."

Grandpa says, "That's good thinking." Gina points to a letter on the box, "That's a 'P'." She traces the letter in the air and says, "'P' as in Peter. Peter's name starts with a 'P'. It's on his cubby."

Grandpa makes an offer. "Today, we can have our regular story time and then write together. I need to write a letter to a friend. You can write, too."

Gina puts her empty bowl in the sink and runs to find her mother. "Mom, I'm gonna read and write with Grandpa." Her mother says, "That sounds like fun. When I take you to family child care, I'll tell Ms. Jenkins that you like to write. You can write at her house and at home."

---

Like many preschoolers, Gina is learning language: She knows that letters (the P) and pictures (the stars) have meaning. She knows there is a 'P' on her cereal box and at the beginning of Peter's name. She knows that people take turns when talking to each other.

Gina's family helps her learn about language: They have a regular story time every day. Grandpa encourages her thinking, so Gina continues exploring the letters on the box. Grandpa offers to write with Gina. Mom talks to Ms. Jenkins, so that Gina can write at family child care and at home.

ACTIVITIES AND IDEAS FOR PRESCHOOLERS

Age PRESCHOOLERS: 3 TO 5 YEARS OLD

ACTIVITIES Listening and Talking Preschoolers learn about language by listening and talking. Start a conversation with your child by asking a question that has no right or wrong answer: "What did you think when you saw the tall tower you built?" Help your child become a creative thinker by asking, "Suppose that..." "What do you think..." "What if..." Encourage your child to talk with older and younger family members. A child who has lots of opportunities to talk will learn how to put ideas into words. Help your child choose a few special television shows that are just right for children of the same age and interests. Watch with your child and talk about what you see and hear. "Are those lions like the ones at the zoo?" Ask questions to find out what the child is learning. "Does our family do things like the family in the show? How are we different?" Use television wisely. At family mealtimes, talk and enjoy each other's company. Make a list of things your child can do instead of watching television, such as looking at books, playing with brothers and sisters, or drawing pictures. How to help your child's caregiver: Tell the caregiver about the things your child does at home. Doing this will help the caregiver start conversations with your child and encourage your child to talk. Preschoolers learn about language by watching and listening to you. Think and plan out loud so that your child can see and hear you using language to solve problems or make plans. "Hi Elliott. Are we still on for basketball?" "Great! I'll meet you at the park." Visit and talk about interesting places. Go to the library, the park, or a museum. Talk with your child about what you see during the visit. Ask questions about what the child sees. When you return, suggest that the child tell a relative or friend about the trip. "Grandpa might like to hear about the giant insects we saw at the museum." Ask your child to help you do a chore--replace a battery in a toy, wash the car, or pull weeds. Talk to the child about what you are doing. The child will have fun and learn some new words. Take your child along when you do errands. The child will enjoy talking and learning with you at the supermarket, the laundromat, or wherever else you need to go. Children also like to look at what's happening in the neighborhoods along the way to and from these trips. Reading Preschoolers like many different kinds of books. Look for paperback versions of your child's favorite books, in English and in your family's home language. Encourage family and friends to swap books and give them as gifts. And remember that yard sales and neighborhood bazaars often have very inexpensive secondhand children's books. Make regular trips to the library to borrow books, tapes, and other materials. If possible, have your child get his or her own library card. Let your child see him- or herself in books. Choose books about families like yours and people from your culture and ethnic group. Ask the children's librarian at your local library to suggest books for your child. Get ideas from other families, caregivers, and people who know your child well. Look for books that match your child's experiences: a special interest--bugs something familiar--going to child care a new event--going to the dentist a change in the family--the birth of a baby. How to help your child's caregiver: Ask the caregiver about book clubs for young children and programs that offer inexpensive children's books. Preschoolers are more likely to learn to love books if they are read to. Set aside a time each day when you and your child can relax and read together. Make these special times when you enjoy each other's company and explore the new worlds and ideas found in books. Children who are read to are more likely to love books and to be strong readers. Read with lots of enthusiasm. Change your voice to fit different characters and feelings such as sad, excited, or happy. Expect and encourage interruptions. Stop to talk about the pictures and the story in each book, and the ways they relate to your child's life. Ask and answer questions. Add information to help the child understand the story. "Blueberries are easy to pick because they grow on low bushes. Remember when we saw blueberries in the supermarket?" Preschoolers learn about reading when they look at books by themselves and when they see adults reading. Set up a reading shelf, basket, or corner where your child can reach books without help. Store books upright so that the child can easily find the one he or she is looking for. Almost any room in the home--kitchen, bathroom, living room, or bedroom--is a good place to keep books. Bring along a bag of books when you leave home. Your child can read on the bus or subway, in a car, at the laundromat, and at the doctor's office. Show your child that reading is an important and useful skill. Children love to imitate adults. A child who sees you enjoying a book or magazine will want to do the same. Show your child how you use books, newspapers, and other written materials to find out what time a store opens, what the weather will be like, or what you need for a recipe. Writing Preschoolers need to practice using the small muscles in their fingers and hands. Encourage your child to do things such as brushing teeth, buttoning and zipping clothes, and using forks and spoons without help. Ask your child to help you do real jobs, such as sorting and folding laundry, sweeping the porch, and making the beds. Play with your child. Together you can thread beads on laces, do puzzles, and roll or pound homemade play dough. Ask your child's caregiver for ideas she or he may have. How to help your child's caregiver: Tell the caregiver about the real jobs your child does at home. Exchange samples of your child's writing with the caregiver so that you will both know what the child is doing and learning. Preschoolers learn about writing when they see how people use writing every day. Let your child see you write every day. When you make a note on the calendar, write a shopping list, sign in at the doctor's office, or take down a telephone message, talk to your child about what you're writing: "I'm writing a letter to Aunt Alice. Would you like to tell her about our walk to the library?" Show your child the words around us--cookbooks, shampoo, coupons, buses, street signs, and buildings--and illustrate their purpose. Hold up two cans of soup and say: "What kind of soup should we have--chicken noodle or vegetable?" Preschoolers like to do their own writing. Make sure your child has writing materials and places to write. Look around the house for items your child can use for writing--any kind of paper, crayons, markers, pencils. Put the writing materials in an open box on a low shelf or in a bottom drawer in the kitchen so that the child can reach them without your help. Set up a place for writing in the room where your family spends the most time. For example, you can shorten the legs on an old chair and table to make them the right height for your child, or you can often find secondhand, child-size furniture at thrift shops and yard sales. Keep catalogs and other writing materials in shoe boxes on the table. Talk with your child about how to write. If your child asks you how to make a letter, spell a name, or write a word, show the child how to do it. Otherwise, let your child write in his or her own way. You may not be able to read the writing, but the child can read it to you. Over time, the child will learn how to write words that others can read.

Proud Mama To