Recalls

This message consists of the following:

1. Indoor Lighting Fixtures Recalled by Lithonia Lighting Due to Fire Hazard

2. It's MY Binky Recalls Personalized Pacifiers Due to Choking Hazard

3. Electra Bicycle Company Recalls Amsterdam Bicycles; Chain Can Derail and Pose Injury Risk to Riders

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1. Indoor Lighting Fixtures Recalled by Lithonia Lighting Due to Fire Hazard

NEWS from CPSC
U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission
Office of Information and Public Affairs Washington, DC 20207

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
July 22, 2008
Release #08-335

Firm's Recall Hotline: (800) 315-4935
CPSC Recall Hotline: (800) 638-2772
CPSC Media Contact: (301) 504-7908

Indoor Lighting Fixtures Recalled by Lithonia Lighting Due to Fire Hazard

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, in cooperation with the firm named below, today announced a voluntary recall of the following consumer product. Consumers should stop using recalled products immediately unless otherwise instructed.

Name of Product: Indoor Lighting Fixtures

Units: About 1,200

Manufacturer/Distributor: Lithonia Lighting, of Conyers, Ga.

Hazard: A thermal protector could be missing from the lighting fixtures, posing a risk of overheating and fire.

Incidents/Injuries: None reported.

Description: The recalled fixture is a ceiling-mounted downlight. Model number LV3R is included in this recall and is printed on a UL label inside the light's housing.

Sold at: Electrical distributors and electrical sales representatives nationwide from April 2007 through May 2008 for between $60 and $80.

Manufactured in: United States

Remedy: Consumers should immediately stop using the lighting fixtures and contact Lithonia Lighting to arrange for a free replacement fixture.

Consumer Contact: For additional information, contact Lithonia Lighting at (800) 315-4935 between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m. ET Monday through Friday, or visit the firm's Web site at www.lithonia.com

To see this recall on CPSC's web site, including pictures of the recalled product, please go to: http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml08/08335.html

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2. It's MY Binky Recalls Personalized Pacifiers Due to Choking Hazard

NEWS from CPSC
U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission
Office of Information and Public Affairs Washington, DC 20207

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
July 22, 2008
Release #08-336

Firm's Recall Hotline: (888) 689-9444
CPSC Recall Hotline: (800) 638-2772
CPSC Media Contact: (301) 504-7908

It's MY Binky Recalls Personalized Pacifiers Due to Choking Hazard

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, in cooperation with the firm named below, today announced a voluntary recall of the following consumer product. Consumers should stop using recalled products immediately unless otherwise instructed.

Name of Product: It's My Binky's Personalized Pacifiers

Units: About 115,000

Importer: It's My Binky, of Henderson, Nev.

Hazard: The pacifier button, ring handle and shield with nipple can detach, posing a choking hazard to infants.

Incidents/Injuries: It's My Binky has received two reports of the pacifier button, ring handle and shield with nipple detaching. No injuries have been reported.

Description: The recalled pacifiers have "Japlo" imprinted on the front of the pacifier shield at the bottom, center. The pacifiers were sold in blue, white and pink with various words or designs printed on the button of the pacifier. Examples of text and symbols printed on recalled Japlo pacifiers include but are not limited to the following:

BLUE (pacifier w/text)
Image of a skull (no text)
stud muffin
prince charming
my mom rocks
mute button
my dad rocks
momma's boy
insomniac
future ceo
little monster
flirt
bad to the bone

WHITE (pacifier w/text)
image of a skull (no text)
stud muffin
prince charming
princess
my mom rocks
mute button
little monster
future ceo
daddy's girl
born to shop

PINK (pacifier w/text)
spoiled
princess
my mom rocks
mute button
my dad rocks
insomniac
future ceo
flirt
daddy's girl
born to shop

Sold at: Nordstrom and baby boutique retail stores nationwide and online at www.itsmybinky.com from February 2006 through June 2008 for between $5 and $6.

Manufactured in: Malaysia

Remedy: Consumers should immediately take these pacifiers away from children and return them to the store where purchased or contact the firm if purchased online to receive a free replacement pacifier.

Consumer Contact: For additional information, contact It's My Binky toll-free at (888) 689-9444 between 8 a.m. and 4:30 p.m. Monday through Friday PT or visit the firm's website at www.itsmybinky.com or e-mail Danielle Riiber at Danielle@itsmybinky.com

Media Contact: Danielle Riiber at (702) 622-6261.

To see this recall on CPSC's web site, including pictures of the recalled product, please go to: http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml08/08336.html

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3. Electra Bicycle Company Recalls Amsterdam Bicycles; Chain Can Derail and Pose Injury Risk to Riders

NEWS from CPSC
U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission
Office of Information and Public Affairs Washington, DC 20207

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
July 22, 2008
Release #08-337

Firm's Recall Hotline: (800) 261-1644
CPSC Recall Hotline: (800) 638-2772
CPSC Media Contact: (301) 504-7908

Electra Bicycle Company Recalls Amsterdam Bicycles; Chain Can Derail and Pose Injury Risk to Riders

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, in cooperation with the firm named below, today announced a voluntary recall of the following consumer product. Consumers should stop using recalled products immediately unless otherwise instructed.

Name of Product: Amsterdam Bicycles

Units: About 9,500

Importer: Electra Bicycle Company, LLC of Vista, Calif.

Hazard: The interior alignment tabs of the bicycle's chainguard can be pushed against the chain causing it to derail, which poses a risk of injury to riders.

Incidents/Injuries: Electra has received four reports of the chainguard derailing the chain, including one report of minor cuts and abrasion from a fall.

Description: This recall involves some Amsterdam model bicycles in the Classic 3, Original 3, Royal 8, and Sport 3 styles. The bicycles have an enclosed chainguard. "Electra" and "Amsterdam" are printed on the bicycle's frame and/or chainguard. Bicycles with frame numbers beginning with "F06" or "EL" or bicycles with chainguards marked "06/08" are not included in this recall. The frame number is located on the underside of the bottom bracket.

Sold by: Authorized Electra Bicycle dealers nationwide from January 2007 through June 2008 for between $400 and $850.

Manufactured in: Taiwan

Remedy: Consumers should immediately stop riding the recalled bicycle and bring it to an Electra Bicycle dealer for a free inspection and replacement chainguard part.

Consumer Contact: For additional information, contact Electra Bicycle at (800) 261-1644 between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. PT Monday through Friday, or visit the firm's Web site at www.electrabike.com (pdf)

To see this recall on CPSC's web site, including pictures of the recalled product, please go to: http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml08/08337.html

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The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission is charged with protecting the public from unreasonable risks of serious injury or death from more than 15,000 types of consumer products under the agency's jurisdiction. Deaths, injuries and property damage from consumer product incidents cost the nation more than $800 billion annually. The CPSC is committed to protecting consumers and families from products that pose a fire, electrical, chemical, or mechanical hazard or can injure children. The CPSC's work to ensure the safety of consumer products - such as toys, cribs, power tools, cigarette lighters, and household chemicals - contributed significantly to the 30 percent decline in the rate of deaths and injuries associated with consumer products over the past 30 years.

To report a dangerous product or a product-related injury, call CPSC's hotline at (800) 638-2772 or CPSC's teletypewriter at (800) 638-8270, or visit CPSC's web site at www.cpsc.gov/talk.html. To join a CPSC email subscription list, please go to www.cpsc.gov/cpsclist.aspx. Consumers can obtain this release and recall information at CPSC's Web site at www.cpsc.gov.







Proud Mama To

Budget Passes - What's Included for the Autism Community?Budget Passes - What's Included for the Autism Community?

The budget has been passed by the General Assembly and signed by the Governor. Your calls and emails on behalf of legislation to support individuals with autism and their families have made a difference. Thanks to your advocacy with legislators, the Autism Society of North Carolina’s (ASNC) 2008 legislative priorities are included in the budget. The state budget includes funding for: CAP MR/DD Tier One Waiver Slots: Beginning November 2008, this funding will add additional Tier One Waiver slots statewide. This waiver slot allocation includes Piedmont Behavioral Health Care, (the Local Management Entity (LME) that serves Cabarrus, Davidson, Rowan, Stanly and Union counties). **As an aside, the proposed services to be available in the new Tiered Waivers beginning on November 8, can be viewed by clicking here. The Division of Mental Health will accept comments on these through August 17, 2008.  Instructions for comments can be found on the above link. START Crisis Model for Developmental Disabilities: (Systemic, Therapeutic, Assessment, Respite and Treatment) These funds will establish six crisis teams to support individuals with developmental disabilities experiencing crisis. This funding also provides support for 12 crisis respite beds across the state. Autism Early Intervention: This funding covers direct early intervention services in three model programs and the Society's statewide training for parents and professionals. Housing 400 Initiative-Housing Trust Fund: This funding finances independent and supportive living apartments for individuals with disabilities. Supportive Services for HUD 811 Project: This funding provides start-up and operating expenses for 6 two-bedroom and 19 one-bedroom apartments located in Wake, Mecklenburg, Rowan and Buncombe County and financed through HUD. School Services for Students with Disabilities: This funding provides additional money to school districts for special education and related services for students with identified disabilities. Beyond Academics: Intellectual Disability Transition Program: This funding supports Beyond Academics, a non-degree university-based program for students with developmental disabilities. Autism Spectrum Disorder and Public Safety: This legislation addresses the need for autism specific training for law enforcement, judicial and court personnel. It also removes the age limit on the State's Silver Alert system. In addition, Special provisions direct: * The Institute of Medicine to study the barriers and best practices for transitions for persons with developmental disabilities.     * The Division of MH/DD/SAS to develop a plan to return CAP MR/DD authorizations and utilization management to the LME’s. A statewide utilization vendor, Value Options, currently completes authorizations. * DHHS and DPI  to determine each agency's responsibility when  a child is in a private residential treatment center.  * School Violence Prevention Act- the Bullying Bill. This bill did not pass. Now is the time for that all important thank you letter ( call, email or visit ).   There are many legislators who deserve our appreciation for their hard work during this session. They receive many calls asking for their support; they receive many less calls thanking them when that support is given... Please contact your representatives in the General Assembly and thank them for their efforts to support individuals with autism and their families in our state.

Next Steps - What Can You Do?

Send an email or make a call to any and all Senators and Representatives that you contacted during the session.

In addition, contact the key leaders listed below who went above and beyond on our behalf. If you live in their district, make sure you identify yourself as a constituent. Tell them your connection to autism and how the actions they took will help your child and your family.

Here are the key Senators to contact. (Click on their name to send an email):

Sen. Linda Garrou, 919–733- 5620; (Sen. Garrou represents Forsyth County). Sen. Garrou was the chief sponsor and strong advocate for the  Autism Early Intervention Bill  and the  2006 ASNC Legislator of the Year.

Sen. William R. Purcell, 919-733-5953; (Sen.Purcell represents Anson, Richmond, Stanly, and Scotland Counties). Sen. Purcell is the 2007 ASNC Legislator of the Year.

Sen. Marc Basnight, 919-733-6854; (Sen. Basnight represents Beaufort, Camden, Currituck, Dare, Hyde, Pasquotank, Tyrrell, and Washington Counties) Sen. Basnight is the President Pro tem of the Senate

Sen. Doug Berger, 919-715-8363; (Sen. Berger represents Franklin, Granville, Vance, and Warren Counties).

Sen. Charlie S. Dannelly, 919-733-5955; (Sen. Dannelly represents Mecklenburg County).

Sen. Charles W. Albertson, 919-733-5705; (Sen. Albertson represents Duplin, Lenoir, and Sampson Counties).

Sen. Kay R. Hagan, 919-733-5856; (Sen. Hagan represents Guilford County). Sen. Hagan is the 2005 ASNC Legislator of the Year.

Sen. Martin L. Nesbitt, Jr., 919-715-3001; ( Sen. Nesbitt represents Buncombe County) Sen. Nesbitt is the Co-Chair of the Joint Legislative Oversight Committee for MH/DD/SAS.

Here are key Representatives to contact. (Click on their name to send an email):

Rep. James W. Crawford, Jr., 919-733-5824; (Rep. Crawford represents Granville and Vance Counties) Rep. Crawford is the chief sponsor for the Autism Early Intervention Bill in the House and is the 2007 ASNC Legislator of the Year.

Rep. Beverly M. Earle, 919-715-2530; (Rep. Earle represents Mecklenburg County)

Rep. Rick Glazier, 919-733-5601; (Rep. Glazier represents Cumberland County)

Rep. Jeff Barnhart, 919-715-2009; (Rep. Barnhardt represents Cabarrus County) Rep. Barnhardt is the 2006 ASNC Legislator of the Year.

Rep. Bob England, 919-733-5749; (Rep. England represents Cleveland and Rutherford Counties)

Rep. Martha Alexander, 919-733-5807; (Rep. Alexander represents Mecklenburg County) Rep. Alexander is the 2000 ASNC Legislator of the Year.

Rep. Verla Insko, 919-733-7208; (Rep. Insko represents Orange County) Rep. Insko is the Co Chair of the Joint Legislative Oversight Committee on MH/DD/SAS.

Rep. R. Phillip Haire, 919-715-3005; (Rep. Haire represents Haywood, Jackson, Macon, and Swain Counties).

Rep. Maggie Jeffus, 919-733-5191; (Rep. Jeffus represents Guilford County)

Rep. Alma Adams, 919-733-5902; (Rep. Adams represents Guilford County).

Rep. Joe P. Tolson, 919-715-3024; (Rep. Tolson represents Edgecombe and Wilson Counties).

Rep. Douglas Y. Yongue, 919-733-5821; (Rep.Yongue represents Hoke, Robeson, and Scotland Counties).

Rep. Henry M. Michaux, Jr., 919-715-2528; (Rep. Michaux represents Durham County).

Rep. Bill Owens, 919-733-0010; (Rep. Owens represents Camden, Currituck, Pasquotank, and Tyrrell Counties).

Rep. Hugh Holliman, 919-715-0873; (Rep. Holliman represents Davidson County) Rep. Holliman is the House Majority Leader.

Rep. Joe Hackney, 919-733-3451; (Rep. Hackney represents Chatham, Moore, and Orange Counties) Rep. Hackney is the Speaker of the House.

Rep. Melanie Wade Goodwin, 919-733-5823; (Rep. Goodwin represents Montgomery and Richmond Counties) Rep. Goodwin is the 2007 ASNC Legislator of the Year.

We will be planning some legislative thank you events through out the state later this summer and will let you know how you can be involved.

Thanks for all your support during his session.

Sincerely,

The Autism Society of North Carolina

Proud Mama To

I deserve ICE CREAM!

So over at Moms in a Blog,they are having a contest to win ICE CREAM!!!!

I sure could use some free ice cream! Why you ask? Well, let's see. I just stood by my friend as her marriage broke apart for about 2 months. Luckily, they made up, or I would have had to kill him! My oldest son's ADHD is causing him to be very angry and unsure of how to deal with a lot of emotions. I think I go to bed crying nightly, because I feel like I am failing him. My daughter may have ASD. This in itself was almost enough to send me over the edge!

The baby keeps getting sick. Fever after fever! A UTI, brochitis, sinus infections, ear infections that take months to go away...and I could go on.

And of course, a husband who does not understand WHY I ask him for a few hour alone every once in a while. Who thinks that is it OK to tell my kids that I am going out with friends because I can't handle them! UGH

Yea, so a quart or 2 of some chocolate peanut butter ice cream, kind of like this



Would be HEAVEN!! I don't need first place, lol, heck, even if someone sent me one quart, I would be all kinds of happy!





Proud Mama To

Going back to work...

    


Are you contemplating going back to work after being a stay-at-home mom for a while?  Many women I work with are worried about what their future employer will think about their absence from the work force while they were "just being a mom."

But for many, the hardest part of the transition is leaving some of their family duties behind.  They’re used to your kids' schedule dictating their day, and accommodating their various crises, moods, and social calendars.  After years of chasing kids around, it can feel like an imposition to have to show up somewhere on time, maybe even have to wear pantyhose on a regular basis, and cater to deadlines that have nothing to do with their family's needs and desires.

On the other hand, some women find that change of pace refreshing.  You may or may not enjoy returning to that kind of routine.  Whichever side you're on, it can be intimidating to dust off your resume, squeeze into a suit, and hit the interview circuit again, so I came up with some tips to help make the transition a little bit more organized.

1. The first thing to do is to be very clear about why you are going to work, what you need to earn, and what schedule will work for you.  Where can you be flexible?  What can't be compromised?  It's a lot easier to think about the big things ahead of time than to squeeze them in later.  You may find out that you won't earn enough to make it worth your while.  Or you may realize that the job you prefer pays enough to take it instead of one with a higher salary and less attractive working conditions.

2. Don't feel that the company who offers you a position is doing you a favor just because you have been out of the workforce a while.  Think about what skills you bring to the position.  And while it's true that moms do need employers to be flexible in case of illness, school events, and other important family concerns, working moms with flexible and supportive employers are incredibly loyal, which is a big plus for the company.

3. Most moms returning to the work force worry about the gap in their resume.  But you don't have to organize your resume by date, which emphasizes gaps.  You can organize your resume by types of positions, for example.  Don't lie, but don't get defensive about the time you've spent raising your children.  And include what you've been doing while you've been a Stay-at-Home Mom.  Did you organize events for your MOMS club?  Plan a fundraising dinner for your friend's charity?  Draft a letter for your homeowners' association?

4. Talk to your spouse and find out what his concerns are.  Is he pushing you to take a job that will pay more but be less flexible?  Be specific about how this will affect him.  He may have to leave his job early to pick up the kids, or stay home at times when they are sick.  Or is he reluctant for you to return to work?  Can he add some overtime at his job so you can stay home?  Whatever his concerns, it's better to get them out in the open now than after you've committed to a position.  Get on the same page so you are working toward the same goal.

5. Talk to your kids.  But only tell them what they need to know, which is how it will affect them.  "Two days a week, other moms are going to drive carpool.  I'll pick you up from their house an hour after you get there, so if you do your homework, you can play when you get home."  The best bet is to be home when your kids are home.  They won’t care what you’re doing while they’re at school as long as you’re there for them.

6. Help is available.  Alums can often get help from their alma mater's career center for free.  I can't overemphasize networking to let those you know, and who know how terrific you are, help you find a great job at the right company.  Professional organizations in your field are great places to network and often have job listings or leads.  And have a plan based on what you can control.  For example, set goals for the number of calls or networking meetings you make, as opposed to setting goals based on results.

7. Practice interviewing with a friend.  Tell her the questions you’re worried about and prepare some answers.  Then, practice saying them in a conversational, non-defensive, tone.

8. If working outside the home doesn't work, be willing to change jobs, look for work you can do at home, or return to being a homemaker full time.

Good luck! 



Proud Mama To

The Bully

The Bully, The Bullied, and the Bystander
The Bully
 Bullies come in all shapes and sizes. Some are big; some are small; some bright and some not so bright; some attractive and some not so attractive; some popular and some disliked by almost everybody.

      Bullying is a conscious, willful and deliberate hostile activity, intended to harm. The four markers of bullying are:

      1.  An imbalance of power

      2.  Intent to harm

      3.  Threat of further aggression

      4.  When bullying escalates unabated—terror

      Bullying is not about anger, or even about conflict. It's about contempt—a powerful feeling of dislike toward someone considered to be worthless, inferior or undeserving of respect. Contempt comes with three apparent psychological advantages that allow kids to harm others without feeling empathy, compassion or shame. These are:

      1.  A sense of entitlement—the right to control, dominate, subjugate, and abuse another human being

      2.  An intolerance toward difference

      3.  A liberty to exclude—to bar, isolate, and segregate a person deemed not worthy of respect or care

      Adults sometimes have difficulty distinguishing between teasing, which is normal social interaction, and taunting, which is a form of bullying. The differences are:

Teasing

      1.  Allows the teaser and person teased to swap roles

      2.  Isn't intended to hurt the other person

      3.  Maintains the basic dignity of everyone involved

      4.  Pokes fun in a lighthearted, clever, and benign way

      5.  Is meant to get both parties to laugh

      6.  Is only a small part of the activities shared by kids who have something in common

      7.  Is innocent in motive

      8.  Is discontinued when person teased becomes upset or objects to the teasing

 Taunting

      1.  Is based on an imbalance of power and is one-sided: the bully taunts, the bullied kid is taunted

      2.  Is intended to harm

      3.  Involves humiliating, cruel, demeaning, or bigoted comments thinly disguised as jokes

      4.  Includes laughter directed at the target, not with the target

      5.  Is meant to diminish the sense of self-worth of the target

      6.  Induces fear of further taunting or can be a prelude to physical bullying

      7.  Is sinister in motive

      8.  Continues especially when targeted kid becomes distressed or objects to the taunt

 Seven steps to stop bullying

      1.  Discipline (including the three Rs: restitution, resolution, reconciliation)

      2.  Create opportunities to "do good"

      3.  Nurture empathy

      4.  Teach friendship skills

      5.  Closely monitor TV viewing, video games and computer activities

      6.  Engage in more constructive, entertaining, energizing activities

      7.  Teach ways to "will good"

The Bullied

The one thing that all kids who are bullied have in common is that a bully or a bunch of bullies has targeted them. Each one was singled out to be the object of scorn, and thus the recipient of bullying, merely because he or she was different in some way.

      The warning signs that a child is a victim of bullying are:

      1.    Shows an abrupt lack of interest in school, or refuses to go to school

      2.    Takes an unusual route to school

      3.    Suffers a drop in grades

      4.    Withdraws from family and school activities

      5.    Is hungry after school

      6.    Steals money from home

      7.    Makes a beeline to the bathroom when arriving home

      8.    Is sad, sullen, angry, or scared after receiving a phone call or email

      9.    Does something out of character

      10.  Has torn or missing clothing

      11.  Uses derogatory or demeaning language when talking about peers

      12.  Stops talking about peers and everyday activities

      13.  Has physical injuries not consistent with explanation

      14.  Has stomachaches, headaches, panic attacks, is unable to sleep, sleeps too much, is exhausted

      15.  Plays alone, or prefers to hang with adults

      Kids don't tell adults they are being bullied because:

      1.  They are ashamed of being bullied

      2.  They are afraid of retaliation

      3.  They don't think anyone can help them

      4.  They don't think anyone will help them

      5.  They've bought into the lie that bullying is a necessary part of growing up

      6.  They might believe that adults are part of the lie—they bully, too

      7.  They have learned that "ratting" on a peer is bad, not cool

 If your child is bullied, don't:

      1.  Minimize, rationalize, or explain away the bully's behavior

      2.  Rush in to solve the problem for your child

      3.  Tell your child to avoid the bully

      4.  Tell your child to fight back

      5.  Confront the bully or the bully's parents alone

 If your child is bullied, do:

      1.  Say "I hear you; I am here for you; I believe in you; you are not alone in this."

      2.  Say "It is not your fault."

      3.  Say "There are things you can do."

      4.  Report the bullying to school personnel

      The four most powerful antidotes to bullying are:

      1.  A strong sense of self

      2.  Being a friend

      3.  Having at least one good friend who is there for you through thick and then

      4.  Being able to successfully get into a group—and get out when it does not serve you well

     

Parents should report the bullying incident in the following manner:

      1.  Arrange a meeting for you and your child with the appropriate person at the school

      2.  Bring to the meeting the facts in writing—the date, time, place, kids involved, and the specifics of the incidents—and the  impact the bullying has had on your child as well as what your child has done to try to stop the bullying that didn't work

      3.  Work with your child and school personnel on a plan that addresses what your child needs right now in order to feel safe, what she can do to avoid being bullied and to stand up to any future bullying, and whom she can go to for help

      4.  Find out what procedures the bully will be going through and what kind of support the school is expecting from the parents of the bully

      5.  If you feel the problem is not being adequately addressed by the school, know that you can express your concerns and let the teacher and/or administrator know that you will take the next step to the school district board office and if necessary—especially in the cases of serious abuse and racist or sexist bullying—to the police.

      Schools have a clear role in preventing and stopping bullying. A caring school:

      1.  Gathers information about bullying at school directly from students

      2.  Establishes clear school wide and classroom rules about bullying

      3.  Trains all adults in the school to respond sensitively and consistently to bullying

      4.  Provides adequate adult supervision, particularly in less structured areas, such as on the playground and in the lunchroom

      5.  Improves parental awareness of and involvement in working on the problem.

The Bystander

      Bystanders are the third group of players in this tragedy. They are the supporting cast who aid and abet the bully, through acts of omission and commission. They stand idly by or look away, or they can actively encourage the bully or join in and become one of a bunch of bullies. Injustice overlooked or ignored becomes a contagion that infects even those who thought they could turn away.

      Bullying is challenged when the majority stands up against the cruel acts of the minority. Establishing new norms, enforcing playground rules, and increasing supervision are policy decisions that can help reduce the incidents of bullying. Since much of the bullying goes on "under the radar of adults," a potent force is kids themselves showing bullies that they will not be looked up to, nor will their cruel behavior be condoned or tolerated. Kids need not by bystanders. They can become active witnesses, standing up for their peers, speaking out against injustices, and taking responsibility for what happened among themselves.

      With care and commitment, adults can rechannel the behaviors of the bully into positive leadership activities; acknowledge the nonaggressive behaviors of the bullied child as strengths that can be developed and are honored; and transform the role of the bystander into that of a witness, someone willing to stand up, speak out, and act against injustice. A daunting task, but a necessary one.

Helping Teenagers with Stress

 The following information comes from the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, www.aacap.org/publications/factsfam/66.htm.

 Physiology of Stress

      Some teens become overloaded with stress. When it happens, inadequately managed stress can lead to anxiety, withdrawal, aggression, physical illness, or poor coping skills such as drug and/or alcohol use.  When we perceive a situation as difficult or painful, changes occur in our minds and bodies to prepare us to respond to danger. This "fight, flight, or freeze" response includes faster heart and breathing rate, increased blood to muscles of arms and legs, cold or clammy hands and feet, upset stomach and/or a sense of dread.

      The same mechanism that turns on the stress response can turn it off. As soon as we decide that a situation is no longer dangerous, changes can occur in our minds and bodies to help us relax and calm down. This "relaxation response" includes decreased heart and breathing rate and a sense of well-being. Teens that develop a "relaxation response" and other stress management skills feel less helpless and have more choices when responding to stress.

      Parents can help their teens in these ways:

      ▪Monitor if stress is affecting their teen's health, behavior, thoughts, or feelings

      ▪Listen carefully to teens and watch for overloading

      ▪Learn and model stress management skills

      ▪Support involvement in sports and other pro-social activities

      Teens can decrease stress with the following behaviors and techniques:

      ▪Exercise and eat regularly

      ▪Avoid excess caffeine intake which can increase feelings of anxiety and agitation

      ▪Avoid illegal drugs, alcohol and tobacco

      ▪Learn relaxation exercises (abdominal breathing and muscle relaxation techniques)

      ▪Develop assertiveness training skills. For example, state feelings in polite, firm and not overly aggressive or passive ways ("I feel angry when you yell at me" "Please stop yelling.")

      ▪Rehearse and practice situations which cause stress, such as giving a speech..

      ▪Learn practical coping skills. For example, break a large task into smaller, more attainable tasks.

      ▪Decrease negative self-talk: challenge negative thoughts about yourself with alternative neutral or positive thoughts. "My life will never get better" can be transferred into "I may feel hopeless now, but my life will probably get better if I work at it and get some help."

      ▪Learn to feel good about doing a competent or "good enough" job rather than demanding perfection from yourself and others.

      ▪Take a break from stressful situations. Activities like listening to music, talking to a friend, drawing, writing, or spending time with a pet can reduce stress.

      ▪Build a network of friends who help you cope in a positive way.

Tattling vs. Reporting

“He called me a name!”-“She cut in front of me in line!”-“They threatened me!”

Surely, in this day and age, we want children to tell us when someone is breaking a rule, someone is getting hurt, or something dangerous is happening.  However, we want to avoid sending our children a mixed message.  Sometimes, when a child tells an adult what is going on, the child’s information may be categorized as tattling.

What is your definition of tattling?  According to Macmillan Dictionary, to tattle is “to reveal the secrets, activities, or private affairs of another.” Children tattle for countless reasons:  to get attention (negative or positive), to feel like they are better than someone else, to get someone in trouble, to get someone else to solve their own problems (ex. who gets to watch which program on TV), etc.  Nevertheless, it is extremely important for your child to learn when to tell an adult immediately and when to try and solve the problem on his/her own.

Sometimes “telling” can help prevent something tragic from happening at home or at school.  How can we encourage kids to tell us when they are truly afraid or someone is in danger, and yet not hear about it every single time a child “cuts” in line or “looks at him/her funny.”  What is the difference between “telling” an adult and “tattling” to an adult?

Frequently, the very thing a tattletale says is, “I’m telling...!” So, after careful research and consideration I have changed my focus from distinguishing between "Tattling versus Telling” to “Tattling versus Reporting.”   This is how I explain the difference: 

 “You have probably all seen reporters on television telling us about important world events, and have all read articles written by newspaper reporters about things happening in our world.  YOU, too, can BE a REPORTER!  At home and at school, when you see something newsworthy you have the right and the responsibility to “report” it to an adult.  To determine the difference between tattling and reporting, just answer these three short questions:

     (1) Is someone’s BODY getting hurt or something dangerous happening?

     (2) Are someone’s FEELINGS really getting hurt?

     (3) Is someone’s PROPERTY getting damaged?  

If your answer is YES to one or more of these questions, it is your job to be a “reporter” and tell an adult right away!”

Through different mediums, your child has learned about tattling and reporting at school.  In real situations at home, you can reinforce this skill by asking your child these three questions.  For example, when a child comes to you and tells you that a sibling  “... won’t let me watch my television program,” ask your child those three questions (body, feelings, property).  If their answer is NO, encourage your child to further ask themselves: 

     (A) Am I telling to get this person in trouble (tattling) or to help the person (reporting)

     (B) Have I done everything I can do to help? (Problem-solving). 

Then talk with your child to problem-solve and determine what they can try before they come to you to solve their problem.  Please, make no mistake; the purpose of this article certainly is not to discourage children from going to adult when they genuinely need an adult’s help.  If your child is being bullied or harassed we encourage him/her and you to find  help.  Rather, these three questions can empower your child to take responsibility for trying to solve their problems first (unless body, feelings, or property are at stake).  In doing so, your child will develop lifelong problem-solving skills that will make them more successful in life.  Perhaps even more importantly, the child-parent and child-teacher interactions that result from such an exchange are a lot more positive and productive than the reactions incurred by the adult solving the child’s problem for them over and over again.

Proud Mama To

An exerpt from Positive Toddler Parenting

You’re hired! Your start date was the day your first child was born. Your boss is a person a fraction of your size with dubious communication skills. Your job: the Most Important Job in the World – parenting. You accepted the position with anticipation, joy, excitement and a little bit of trepidation. It’s the Most Important Job in the World, so how will you know you’ve succeeded?
By now you have the tactical aspects of this job nailed down (feed, change, dress, love, feed again, change again, love, stimulate brain activity, change again, and so on). Your current activity hinges on how quickly or how well you react to the immediate situation: “You must be hungry, let’s get you a snack.” “We need to change that dirty diaper.” “Please don’t push your friends.” You’re flying along in operational mode.
But wait – you are also the CEP (Chief Executive Parent) in this organization, and Chief Executives set the strategic, long-term vision. With such an important job to do, having a vision for the success of your family clarifies your objectives and helps you focus your actions, just as they would in the corporate world.
How would your outlook on parenting change if you had a clearly defined vision for what “success” as a parent would look like to you? Would you feel more empowered if you had specific, daily tools to proactively foster the positive values and behaviors you hope to nurture in your child?
                  Here are a few tips to define success, integrate your parenting goals into your daily activities, and shift your thought process to be more proactive and less reactive:
                  1. Appreciate your child’s unique personality and talents. Children come into the world with their own personality. While we can guide, support, and influence some aspects of their behavior, who they are at the core is pretty well established in utero! That’s part of what makes them unique and precious, and they should be celebrated.
                  2. Decide what parenting success means to you. Imagine a point in your child’s future (college graduation, wedding, etc.) when you will reflect on the adult your child has become. Set the platform to be proud of the wonderful person they have become, respecting their inherent traits as well as the values they hold and how they treat others and make decisions.
                  3. Set an intention to succeed. Set the image of parenting success clearly in your head and act as if it were a fait accompli. Make a commitment to make your success image come true.
                  4. Make a plan and make it easy. For each of the most important success factors, identify ways you can model to your children that value or behavior while you go about your everyday life. Get your children involved in the process. This is your opportunity to be proactive and reinforce positive actions each day.
                  5. Review at different stages in your child’s life. Find a way to remind yourself of your intention and your action plan. Review it periodically to make sure it is still relevant to you and appropriate to your children’s’ ages and interests. One of the best ways to ensure that you stay on track with any goal is to find an accountability partner – your spouse, a friend, a coach.
                  When you consciously and intentionally model the traits and behaviors you wish for your child, your opportunities to foster those values grow exponentially. You may never get a formal performance appraisal for your job as a parent, but it’s nice to know that you’ve done everything you can to help your child be the best person they can be. Now that’s a job well done!

Encouragement.


There are 4 steps.


1. Notice something you like that your child is doing. Ignore the
negative unless it will hurt themselves or others.


2. Notice how you feel when they are doing something that you like.


3. Say it! ("I feel.....that you....")


4. Notice how your child responds.

Can Do.


1. Notice what you don't want your child to do.


2. Think of something that your child can do instead.


3. Tell your child what they can do.


4. Help your child if necessary.


So it goes like this. You notice that your child is heading out to the
road. You don't want them to do that so you think of something else
they can do like look at a pretty flower you see by your house. So you
ask them to come over to look at the flower and go over and guide them
to the flower if they still head over to the road. That's overly
simplified but it's basically positive redirection.


They said that it's important not to say don't. So instead of saying
don't go into the road you are giving them positive options that they
can do.

Proud Mama To

Raising kids with character

Daycares, Preschools, Schools Partner With Parents To Teach Reinforce Character

It's never too early to begin teaching children how to be caring, confident, self-aware and respectful of those around them. Of course, parents are a child's first teacher in teaching character lessons, but moms and dads should be pleased and confident in knowing that many schools across America as well as pre-schools and daycare settings are teaching and reinforcing these efforts as well.

La Petite Academy offers a curriculum called “Kids of Character” to teach children (from preschool on) the fundamentals of character building, including: teamwork, kindness, honesty, citizenship, responsibility and respect.

 Following are five tips La Petite Academy shares with parents on how to raise “Kids of Character”:

1. Volunteer with your child.
By making community service a regular part of your child’s life, you reinforce the importance of giving to others/sharing and help him or her develop a greater awareness of the world and the diversity of people in it. Volunteer outings together also provide great opportunities to spend quality time together as a family. At La Petite, kids are asked to join with parents in two annual fundraising events per year for the Make-A-Wish Foundation. The events are not only fun family activities, but also raise considerable money for a worthy cause.
2. Treat others as you’d like your child to treat them. You are your child’s first and most influential teacher and they are always watching you. “Modeling” your own kind and caring behavior towards friends and relatives is an effective way to teach your children how to be good to others. Show what being a good friend is about and tell your children how to treat people with kindness and respect.
3. Be your child’s problem “helper” versus problem solver. Guide and support your children as they work through conflicts or struggles, but avoid doing for them what they have the skills to accomplish on their own. Rather than anticipating and dissolving potential struggles for your child before they happen, become a partner and join his/her efforts to work through them together.
4. Encourage your child to be truthful, but focus on correcting behavior versus pressuring them into “confessing.” Children often stretch the truth or make up stories to avoid getting in trouble after misbehaving. By rationally focusing on a behavior problem rather than showing disappointment about you child’s cover-up/lie, you send a direct message that he or she shouldn’t fear being disciplined and thus telling a story is not necessary.
5. Engage and involve your child in everyday tasks. Asking for their help makes children feel useful and important. By regularly involving your child in age-appropriate jobs with you, you’re helping him/her develop a sense of responsibility and familiarity working with others.

Proud Mama To

The Potty Training Readiness Quiz

By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of The No-Cry Potty TrainingSolution

Potty training is easier and happens faster ifyour child is truly ready in all three areas: physical, cognitive and social.But the big question is: how do you know when your child is ready? If you havenever traveled this road before, you likely don’t even know what signs to lookfor. Take this quiz to find out where your child is on the readiness spectrum.

1. Ican tell by watching that my child is wetting or filling his diaper:

a. Never.

b. Sometimes.

c. Usually.

2. My toddler's diaper needs to bechanged:

a. Frequently, every hour or two.

b. It varies.

c. Every two to three hours--sometimesless frequently.

3. My child understands the meaning of wet,dry, clean, wash, sit, and go:

a. No.

b. Someof them.

c. Yes.

4. When my child communicates her needs,she:

a. Says or signs a few basic words and Iguess the rest.

b. Gets her essential points across to me.

c. Has a good vocabulary and talks to mein sentences.

5. IfI give my child a simple direction, such as, "put this in the toybox," she:

a. Doesn'tunderstand or doesn't follow directions.

b. Willdo it if I coach or help her.

c. Understandsme and does it.

6. Mychild can take his pants off and put them on:

a. No.

b. Withhelp he can.

c. Yes. 7. When I read a book to my child,he: a. He ignores me. b. Sometimes listens, sometimeswanders off. c. Sits, listens and enjoys thestory. 8. My toddler wants to do things“all by myself”: a. Never. b. Sometimes.

c. Allthe time!

9. Ithink that it's the right time to begin potty training:

a. No.

b. I'mundecided.

c. Yes.

Total thenumber of responses for each letter:

a. __________

b. __________

c. __________

Mostanswers are a: Wait.

Your little one doesn't seem to be ready justyet. Test again in a month or two.

Mostanswers are b: Time for pre-potty training--get ready!

Your child is not quite ready for activetraining, but you can take many steps to prepare your toddler for the future.Gradual introduction of terms and ideas will make potty training easier whenthe time comes.

Mostanswers are c: Your toddler is ready to use the potty!

It's time to start your potty trainingadventure. Good luck, and have fun!

Are youbetween two scores?

Just like any parenting situation, there arechoices to make. If your child is hovering between two categories, it's time toput your intuition to good use. Your knowledge of your own child can direct youtoward the right plan of action.

This article is an excerpt from The No-Cry PottyTraining Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Child Say Good-Bye to Diapers byElizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2006)

~*~*~*~*~

You are welcome to reprint this article on yourwebsite or in your newspaper or newsletter, provided that you reprint theentire article, including the complete byline with author's name and booktitle. Please also send a link or copy to elizabeth@pantley.com. Thank you.

Proud Mama To