Moving from Crib to Bed

By Elizabeth Pantley, author of The No-Cry Sleep Solution

When your childmoves from crib to bed it’s a milestone in his life as well as yours. There isno precise time for making this move, though typically it’s between the firstand third birthday. The key to success is to be patient and allow your childtime to adjust to the change.

Why move a child from crib to bed?

If a child sleepswell in his crib, don’t rush the change. Switching to a bed gives a childfreedom and brings new issues for parents, such as the yo-yo syndrome or earlymorning wanderings. The most common reasons to switch:

• Your child learns how to climb. --- Move your child out of the crib when the rail is up to the level of his nipples, since climbing out is more possible.
• Your child outgrows the crib. --- Don’t assume it’s time! You may think that he’s uncomfortable, but he may be content in his little nest.
• Your child asks for a bed. --- If she’s old enough, then go ahead and take the leap.
• Your child is learning how to use the toilet. --- Even if your child uses the toilet during the day, it’s often a long while before bedtime dryness happens.
• A new sibling is on the way.

--- If your little one loves his crib, then ousting him to make room forthe newcomer may add stress. If you feel that the time is right then make thechange two months or more before your newborn arrives.

What kind of bed should my child move to?

There are a numberof options for a child’s first bed:

• Toddler bed
• These are small, low and child-sized. They have guard rails on all sides, and come in playful designs.

• Regular bed A common choice is a mattress, box springs and bed frame (with all sides protected from fall-outs). Consider a double or bigger size to accommodate the night-reading ritual.

• Mattress on the floor A popular choice is a mattress or futon on the floor. This provides your little one with a big-kid bed, but one that prevents any painful falls.

• Bunk bed Hold off on a bunk bed until your child is 6 years old, when it is considered safe.

How do we make the change?

Which approach isbest for you will depend on your reasons for making the change, your child’spersonality, and the size of his room. Here are a few options:

• Big-kid bed hoopla Some children enjoy having an official Big Kid Day party. Set up the bed, decorate the room and add a few sleep-related gifts like books and stuffed animals.

• One-step-at-a-time

Take the mattress out of the crib and place it on the floor in the placeas the crib was. This gives your child the same sleeping surface and view ofthe room as he’s accustomed to. Place guard rails around the sides to create a crib-likeenclosure. Keep the same bedding and crib toys. This is a mid-step between thecrib and a real bed.

• The gradual introduction Set up the new bed in the same room with the crib. Allow your child to play on the bed and nap there. Do your bedtime reading in the new bed. This will help your child get used to the bed gradually.

Patience and encouragement

No matter which pathyou choose - be patient. Big steps toward growth often happen in spurts, andyour child may be excited to welcome the change one day, but wary of it thenext. Maintain your nightly bedtime routine and help your child develop apositive association with his new bed, since he’ll be sleeping there for manyyears to come.

This article is a copyrighted excerpt from TheNo-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers by ElizabethPantley (McGraw-Hill, 2005) Proud Mama To

Get Your Toddler to Cooperate!

By Elizabeth Pantley, Authorof Kid Cooperation and Perfect Parenting

Toddlers and preschoolersrequire finesse to gain their cooperation, because they have not yet reachedthe age at which they can see and understand the whole picture, so simplyexplaining what you want doesn’t always work. Robert Scotellaro is quoted in The Funny Side of Parenthood as saying,“Reasoning with a two-year-old is about as productive as changing seats on theTitanic.” (He must have had a two-year-old at the time.)

You can get around thisfrustrating state of affairs by changing your approach. Let’s look at twosituations – first the typical (Titanic) way:

Parent: David! Time to change your diaper.

David: No! (As he runs off)

Parent: Come on honey. It’s time to leave, I need tochange you.

David: (Giggles and hides behind sofa)

Parent: David, this isn’t funny. It’s getting late.Come here.

David: (Doesn’t hear a word. Sits down to do a puzzle.)

Parent: Come here! (Gets up and approaches David)

David: (Giggles and runs)

Parent: (Picking up David) Now lie here. Stopsquirming! Lie still. Will you stop this!

(As parent turns to pick up a new diaper, a little barebottom is running away)

I’m sure you’ve all beenthere. Oh, and by the way, David is myson. And this was an actual scene recorded in his baby book. Like you, I gotvery tired of this. And then I discovered a better way:

Parent: (Picking up diaper and holding it like apuppet, making it talk in a silly, squeaky voice)

Hi David! I’m Dilly Diaper! Come here and play with me!

David: (Running over to Diaper) Hi Dilly!

Parent as Diaper: You’re such a nice boy. Will you give me akiss?

David: Yes. (Gives diaper a kiss)

Parent as Diaper: How ‘bout a nice hug?

David: (Giggles and hugs Diaper)

Parent as Diaper: Lie righthere next to me. Right here. Yup. Can I go on you? Oh yes?!

Goodygoody goody! (The diaper chats with David while he’s being changed. Then itsays, Oh, David! Listen, I hear your shoes calling you – David! David!

The most amazing thing aboutthis trick is that it works over and over and over and over. You’ll keepthinking, “He’s not honestly going to fall for this again?” But he will!Probably the nicest by-product of this method is that it gets you in a good moodand you have a little fun time with your child.

When you’ve got a toddlerthis technique is a pure lifesaver. When my son David was little I used thisall the time. (I then used it with my youngest child, Coleton, and it workedjust as well.) Remembering back to one day, when David was almost three, wewere waiting in a long line at the grocery store and I was making my hand talkto him. It was asking him questions about the items in the cart. Suddenly, hehugged my hand, looked up at me and said, “Mommy, I love for you to pretendthis hand is talking.”

Another parent reported thatshe called her toddler to the table for dinner a number of times, when hecalmly looked up at her, chubby hands on padded hips and said, “Mommy, whydon’t you have my dinner call to me?”

And suddenly, the peas on hisplate came to life and called out to him; he ran over to join the family at thedinner table.

A variation on thistechnique, that also works very well, is to capitalize on a young child’s vividimagination as a way to thwart negative emotions. Pretend to find a trail ofcaterpillars on the way to the store, hop to the car like a bunny, or pretend acarrot gives you magic powers as you eat it.

It’s delightful to see how apotentially negative situation can be turned into a fun experience by changinga child’s focus to fun and fantasy.

Excerptedwith permission from Kid Cooperation, How to Stop Yelling, Nagging andPleading and Get Kids to Cooperate by Elizabeth Pantley Website: http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

Copyright1996 Published by New Harbinger Publications, Inc.(http://www.newharbinger.com/)

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Tuesday toot MEME

So where do I start? My oldest is going into the gifted program for math this coming year for 4th grade. I am SOOO proud of him. He is my little smarty pants, and also my ADHD kid. I would love to bottle up that energy and sell it on the black market! My middle is going to kindergarten. She is SO very excited and wanted me to buy her workbooks. I bought her 3. They should be lasting the whole summer, but she seems to want to do them all right now!!! My youngest has almost 100 words! You can see them here. He has 34 signs, 48 spoken words, 10 2 word signed sentences, 15 spoken 2 word sentences, and 2 THREE word SPOKEN sentences! (LOL I have the feeling if he was a girl, he would have more words!! He is also very busy, and will no longer sit for a "session" of signing!! ) Proud Mama To

SHOULD BABIES and TODDLERS WATCH TELEVISION?

By Elizabeth Pantley, author of Gentle Baby Care and KidCooperation

So much television programming is aimed at young children.Much of it appears to be educational: teaching the ABCs and life skills. When isit appropriate to introduce a baby to television, and what do parents need toknow about this topic?

A great deal of research has been done on the effects oftelevision on children’s lives. The first step in making the decision is to getthe facts. Because nearly all of us have one or more TV sets in our home, andsince most of us watch some TV nearly every day, we may not want to hear whatresearch tells us, but these are things parents need to know.

• Experts suspect that babies younger than two years old view TV as a confusing array of colors, images, and noises. They don’t understand much of the content. Since the average TV scene lasts five to eight seconds, your baby or toddler doesn’t have enough time to digest what’s happening.

• Cartoons and many children’s shows are filled with images of violence. If you find this hard to believe, surf the TV on Saturday morning. The realism portrayed in today’s cartoons has moved light years beyond the Bugs Bunny type of violence. Many children’s shows almost are animated versions of adult action films. Research shows that exposure to this type of programming increases the risk of aggressive behavior and desensitizes children to violence.
• Babies and toddlers have a very literal view of the world. They can’t yet tell the difference between real and pretend, and they interpret what they see on TV as true life. Research has demonstrated that many young children believe that TV characters actually live inside the TV set. This can confuse young children’s understanding of the world and get in the way of their learning what’s right or wrong. It can paint a picture of a frightening, unstable, and bewildering world ¾ and your little one does not yet have the faculties to put what he sees into proper perspective.

• Television watching can be addictive. The more that children watch, the more they want to watch. Even toddlers can become drawn to the set. Once addicted, turning off the TV can become a daily battle. Children who watch TV excessively often become passive and lose their natural creativity; they eventually have a hard time keeping themselves busy, and they lose valuable time that should be dedicated to “play” ¾ the foundation of a healthy childhood and the primary way that very young children learn.
• Parents sometimes unwittingly begin to use TV more and more as a way to keep their children happy and quiet. It takes a strong will and dedication to avoid the easy route provided by this free and easy ¾ yet sometimes dangerous ¾ babysitter.
• Children experience unparalleled physical, mental, and emotional growth in the early years of life. Time spent watching television is time taken away from more healthful activities that nurture growth and development.
• Children who watch a lot of television during their early years are at risk for childhood obesity, poor social development, and aggressive behavior. They often have trouble adjusting to preschool or kindergarten. According to a study by Yale Family Television Research, teachers characterized children who watched excessive television as less cooperative, less imaginative, less enthusiastic about learning, and less happy than those who watched little or no TV.
• Due to all the above reasons, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that parents not allow children under two to watch any television.

You may have noticed that all ofthese points demonstrate the negative aspects of letting babies and toddlerswatch TV, and you’re wondering if there are any positives. There are afew, but I’ll be honest: I had to be very creative to come up with this list,since published research doesn’t demonstrate many good points for putting ayoung child in front of a television. But we need to be realistic andacknowledge that most of us aren’t going to put our TVs in the closetuntil all of our children start school. Here are some of the good points oftelevision for children:

• Quality children’s programming can teach your child basic academic skills, such as the ABCs, counting, addition, science fundamentals, basic language skills, manners, and even early reading skills.
• Your child can view things she might not otherwise see in daily life: exotic animals, distant lands, musical instruments, historical places, and diverse lifestyles. Your child can learn about the world beyond her home and neighborhood.
• Your child can learn basic social skills from watching wholesome programming: how to play with other children, how to use good manners.
• Using extraordinarily careful selection and restraint, a little bit of television can provide a parent with much-needed down time, or time to catch up on tasks that need adult-only attention.

TV watching tips for parents of babies and young children

The following tips may help you minimize the negative andmaximize the positive effects of television watching for your little one:

• Hold off introducing television ¾ even videos ¾ to your baby as long as possible. If you wait until your child’s second birthday, you can consider yourself incredibly successful in starting your little one off well and with the kind of real-life interaction that is so important for his development. If you decide to allow TV before your child turns two, choose programming carefully, limit viewing time and skip days when possible. (Daily viewing easily becomes habit.) The less watching time, the better! Set a goal, such as no more than 30 minutes or an hour per day, or one favorite show, so that you’ll not be tempted to turn the TV on too frequently.

• Watch programs yourself before you allow your baby or toddler to watch them. Just because a network markets a show to young children doesn’t mean it will reflect your own family’s morals and values. You will be amazed to discover that many programs aimed at children contain violence or topics that are inappropriate for your child. Don’t assume that your baby can pick out the moral message from a program that features violence or conflict on the way to an important lesson.
• Pay attention to commercials ¾ surprisingly, an excellent children’s show will sometimes feature commercials that depict the exact things you don’t want your little one to see!

• Choose programs that are developmentally appropriate for your child. For you, this means shows that are slow, boring, and probably somewhat goofy. But choose programs from your child’s perspective, not your own.
• Invest in a collection of appropriate and educational videos for your child so that you won’t be confined to network programming schedules when you are ready to let your little one watch something.
• Watch along with your child when you can so that you can monitor your child’s reactions to what he’s seeing. Invite questions and discuss what you are watching so that you can understand your little one’s take. Point things out and talk about what is being taught to get the most of out of educational TV. You may even follow up with some lessons afterwards.
• Avoid keeping the TV on when no one is actively watching. Many people do this and are used to the background noise the set generates, but your child will almost surely be exposed to programming that is inappropriate for her.
• Make a conscious decision about how you will use television in your family; don’t watch it by accident or default.

This article is a copyrighted excerpt from Gentle Baby Care by Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003) Proud Mama To

Quick Facts About Potty Training

By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of The No-Cry Potty TrainingSolution

Potty training can benatural, easy, and peaceful. The first step is to know the facts.

• The perfect age to begin potty training is different for every child. Your child's best starting age could be anywhere from eighteen to thirty-two months. Pre-potty training preparation can begin when a child is as young as ten months.
• You can begin training at any age, but your child's biology, skills, and readiness will determine when he can take over his own toileting.
• Teaching your child how to use the toilet can, and should, be as natural as teaching him to build a block tower or use a spoon.
• No matter the age that toilet training begins, most children become physically capable of independent toileting between ages two and a half and four.
• It takes three to twelve months from the start of training to daytime toilet independence. The more readiness skills that a child possesses, the quicker the process will be.
• The age that a child masters toileting has absolutely no correlation to future abilities or intelligence.
• There isn’t only one right way to potty train – any approach you use can work - if you are pleasant, positive and patient.
• Nighttime dryness is achieved only when a child's physiology supports this--you can't rush it.
• A parent's readiness to train is just as important as a child's readiness to learn.
• Potty training need not be expensive. A potty chair, a dozen pairs of training pants and a relaxed and pleasant attitude are all that you really need. Anything else is truly optional.
• Most toddlers urinate four to eight times each day, usually about every two hours or so.
• Most toddlers have one or two bowel movements each day, some have three, and others skip a day or two in between movements. In general, each child has a regular pattern.

• More than 80 percent of children experience setbacks in toilet training. This means that what we call “setbacks” are really just the usual path to mastery of toileting.
• Ninety-eight percent of children are completely daytime independent by age four.

This article is an excerpt from The No-Cry PottyTraining Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Child Say Good-Bye to Diapers byElizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2006)

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You are welcome to reprint this article on yourwebsite or in your newspaper or newsletter, provided that you reprint theentire article, including the complete byline with author's name and booktitle. Please also send a link or copy to elizabeth@pantley.com. Thank you.

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Potty Training – Get Ready, Get Set, Go!

By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of The No-Cry Potty TrainingSolution

Get Ready If your child is near or has passed his first birthday, you can beginincorporating pre-potty training ideas into his life. They are simple thingsthat will lay the groundwork for potty training and will make the process mucheasier when you're ready to begin.

• During diaper changes, narrate the process to teach your toddler the words and meanings for bathroom-related functions, such as pee-pee and poo-poo. Include descriptive words that you'll use during the process, such as wet, dry, wipe, and wash.
• If you're comfortable with it, bring your child with you when you use the toilet. Explain what you're doing. Tell him that when he gets bigger, he'll put his pee-pee and poo-poo in the toilet instead of in his diaper. Let him flush the toilet if he wants to.
• Help your toddler identify what's happening when she wets or fills her diaper. Tell her, "You're going poo-poo in your diaper." Have her watch you dump and flush.
• Start giving your child simple directions and help him to follow them. For example, ask him to get a toy from another room or to put the spoon in the dishwasher.
• Encourage your child to do things on her own: put on her socks, pull up her pants, carry a cup to the sink, or fetch a book.
• Have a daily sit-and-read time together.
• Take the readiness quiz again every month or two to see if you're ready to move on to active potty learning.

Get Set

• Buy a potty chair, a dozen pairs of training pants, four or more elastic-waist pants or shorts, and a supply of pull-up diapers or disposables with a feel-the-wetness sensation liner.
• Put the potty in the bathroom, and tell your child what it's for.
• Read books about going potty to your child.
• Let your child practice just sitting on the potty without expecting a deposit.

Go

• Begin dressing your child in training pants or pull-up diapers.
• Create a potty routine--have your child sit on the potty when she first wakes up, after meals, before getting in the car, and before bed.
• If your child looks like she needs to go--tell, don't ask! Say, "Let's go to the potty."
• Boys and girls both can learn sitting down. Teach your son to hold his penis down. He can learn to stand when he's tall enough to reach.
• Your child must relax to go: read a book, tell a story, sing, or talk about the day.

• Make hand washing a fun part of the routine. Keep a step stool by the sink, and have colorful, child-friendly soap available.
• Praise her when she goes!
• Expect accidents, and clean them up calmly.
• Matter-of-factly use diapers or pull-ups for naps and bedtime.
• Either cover the car seat or use pull-ups or diapers for car trips.
• Visit new bathrooms frequently when away from home.
• Be patient! It will take three to twelve months for your child to be an independent toileter.

Stop

• If your child has temper tantrums or sheds tears over potty training, or if you find yourself getting angry, then stop training. Review your training plan and then try again, using a slightly different approach if necessary, in a month or two.

This article is an excerpt from The No-Cry PottyTraining Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Child Say Good-Bye to Diapers byElizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2006)

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You are welcome to reprint this article on yourwebsite or in your newspaper or newsletter, provided that you reprint theentire article, including the complete byline with author's name and booktitle. Please also send a link or copy to elizabeth@pantley.com. Thank you.

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What is Preventing Your Baby from Sleeping Through the Night?

By Elizabeth Pantley, author of The No-Cry Sleep Solution

Here’s something that mayreally surprise you: As much as we may want our babies to sleep through thenight, our own subconscious emotions sometimes hold us back from encouragingchange in our babies’ sleeping habits. You yourself may be the very obstaclepreventing a change in a routine that disrupts your life. So let's figure outif anything is standing in your way.

Examine Your Own Needs and Goals

Today’s society leads us to believe that “normal babies”sleep through the night from about two months; my research indicates that thisis more the exception than the rule. The number of families in your boat couldfill a fleet of cruise ships.

“At our last day-care parent meeting, one father broughtup the fact that his two-year-old daughter wasn’t sleeping through the night. Idiscovered that out of 24 toddlers only six stayed asleep all night long.”…Robin, mother of thirteen-month-old Alicia

You must figure out where your own problem lies. Is it inyour baby’s routine, in your management of it, or simply in the minds ofothers? If you can honestly say you want to change your baby’s sleep habitsbecause they are truly disruptive to you and your family, then you’re ready tomake changes. But if you feel coerced into changing Baby’s patterns becauseGreat Grandma Beulah or your friend from playgroup says that’s the way itshould be, it’s time for a long, hard think.

Certainly, if your little one is waking you up every hour ortwo, you don’t have to think long on the question, “Is this disruptive to me?”It obviously is. However, if your baby is waking up only once or twice anight, it’s important that you determine exactly how much this pattern isdisturbing to you, and decide on a realistic goal. Be honest in assessing the situation's effect on your life. Begintoday by contemplating these questions:

• Am I content with the way things are, or am I becoming resentful, angry, or frustrated?
• Is my baby’s nighttime routine negatively affecting my marriage, job, or relationships with my other children?
• Is my baby happy, healthy, and seemingly well rested?
• Am I happy, healthy, and well rested?

Once you answer these questions, you will have a betterunderstanding of not only what is happening with regard to your baby’s sleep,but also how motivated you are to make a change.

Reluctance to Let Go of Those NighttimeMoments

A good, long, honest look into your heart may truly surpriseyou. You may find you actually relish those quiet night wakings when noone else is around. I remember in the middle of one night, I lay nursingColeton by the light of the moon. The house was perfectly, peacefully quiet. AsI gently stroked his downy hair and soft baby skin, I marveled at this tinybeing beside me—and the thought hit me, “I love this! I love these silentmoments that we share in the night.” It was then that I realized that eventhough I struggled through my baby’s hourly nighttime wakings, I needed to wantto make a change in our night waking habits before I would see any changes in his sleeping patterns.

You may need to take a look at your own feelings. And if youfind you’re truly ready to make a change, you’ll need to give yourselfpermission to let go of this stage of your baby’s life and move on to adifferent phase in your relationship. There will be lots of time to hug,cuddle, and love your little one, but you must truly feel ready to move thosemoments out of your sleeping time and into the light of day.

Worry About Your Baby’s Safety

We parents worry about our babies, and we should! With everynight waking, as we have been tending to our child’s nightly needs, we havealso been reassured that our baby is doing fine — every hour or two all nightlong. We get used to these checks; they provide continual reassurance of Baby’ssafety.

“The first time my baby slept five straight hours, I wokeup in a cold sweat. I nearly fell

out of bed and ran down the hall. I was so sure thatsomething was horribly wrong. I nearly wept when I found her sleepingpeacefully.” …Azza, mother of seven-month-old Laila

Co-sleeping parents are not exempt from these fears. Even ifyou are sleeping right next to your baby, you’ll find that you have become usedto checking on her frequently through the night. Even when she’s sleepinglonger stretches, you aren’t sleeping, because you’re still on securityduty.

These are very normal worries, rooted in your naturalinstincts to protect your baby. Therefore, for you to allow your baby to sleepfor longer stretches, you’ll need to find ways to feel confident that your babyis safe—all night long.

Once you reassure yourself that your baby is safe while yousleep, you’ll have taken that first step toward helping her sleep all night.

Belief That Things Will Change on Their Own

You may hope, pray, and wish that one fine night, your babywill magically begin to sleep through the night. Maybe you’re crossing yourfingers that he’ll just “outgrow” this stage, and you won’t have to do anythingdifferent at all. It’s a very rare night-waking baby who suddenly decides tosleep through the night all on his own. Granted, this may happen to you—butyour baby may be two, three or four years old when it does! Decide now whetheryou have the patience to wait that long, or if you are ready to gently move theprocess along.

Too Fatigued to Work Toward Change

Change requires effort, and effort requires energy. In anexhausted state, we may find it easier just to keep things as they are than trysomething different. In other words, when Baby wakes for the fifth time thatnight, and I'm desperate for sleep, it's so much easier just to resort to theeasiest way to get him back to sleep (rock, nurse, or replace the pacifier)than it is to try something different.

Only a parent who is truly sleep deprived can understandwhat I’m saying here. Others may calmly advise, “Well if things aren’t workingfor you, just change what you’re doing.” However, every night waking puts youin that foggy state where the only thing you crave is going back to sleep—plansand ideas seem like too much effort.

If you are to help your baby sleep all night, you will haveto force yourself to make some changes and follow your plan, even in themiddle of the night, even if it’s the tenth time your baby has called out foryou.

So,after reading this section and you’re sure you and your baby are ready, it’stime for you to make a commitment to change. That is the first importantstep to helping your baby sleep through the night.

This article is a copyrighted excerpt from The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways toHelp Your Baby Sleep Through the Night by Elizabeth Pantley, copyright2002

Website:http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

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Wonderful sounds for sleep

By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of the No-Cry Sleep Solution

The environment that your baby enjoyed for ninelong months in the womb was not one of absolute quiet. There was a constantsymphony of sound -- your heartbeat and fluids rushing in and outof the placenta. (Remember those sounds from when you listened to your baby’sheartbeat with the Doppler stethoscope?) Researchindicates that “white noise” sounds or soft bedtime music helps many babies torelax and fall asleep more easily. This is most certainly because these soundscreate an environment more familiar to your baby than a very quiet room.

Many people enjoy using soothing music as theirbaby’s sleep sound. If you do, choose bedtime music carefully. Some music(including jazz and much classical music) is too complex and stimulating. Formusic to be soothing to your baby, pick simple, repetitive, predictable music,like traditional lullabies. Tapes created especially for putting babies tosleep are great choices. Pick something that you will enjoylistening to night after night, too. (Using a tape player with an automaticrepeat function is helpful for keeping the music going as long as you need itto play.)

There are widely available, and very lovely,"nature sounds" tapes that work nicely, too, as well those smallsound-generating or white-noise devices and clocks you may have seen in stores.The sounds on these -- raindrops, a bubbling brook or running water -- oftenare similar to those sounds your baby heard in utero. A ticking clock or abubbling fish tank also make wonderful white-noise options.

“I went out todayand bought a small aquarium and the humming noise does seem to relax Chloe andhelp her to sleep. I didn’t buy any fish though. Who has time to take care offish when you’re half asleep all day?”

Tanya, mother of13-month-old Chloe

You can find some suitable tapes and CDs madeespecially for babies or those made for adults to listen to when they want torelax. Whatever you choose, listen to it first and ask yourself: Does thisrelax me? Would it make me feel sleepy if I listened to it in bed?

If you must put your baby to sleep in a noisy,active house full of people, keeping the tape running (auto rewind) will helpmask baby-waking noises like dishes clanking, people talking, siblingsgiggling, TV, dogs barking, etc. This can also help transition your sleepingbaby from a noisy daytime house to which he’s become accustomed subconsciouslyto one of absolute nighttime quiet.

Once your baby is familiar with his calming noise,or music, you can use these to help your baby fall back to sleep when he wakesup in the middle of the night. Simply sooth him by playing the music (veryquietly) during the calming and falling-asleep time. If he wakes and cries,repeat this process.

If your baby gets used to his sleep time sounds youcan take advantage of this and take the tape with you if you will be away fromhome for naptime or bedtime. The familiarity of these sounds will help yourbaby sleep in an unfamiliar environment.

Eventually your baby will rely on this techniqueless and less to fall and stay asleep. Don’t feel you must rush the process;there is no harm in your baby falling asleep to these gentle sounds. When youare ready to wean him of these you can help this process along by reducing thevolume by a small amount every night until you finally don’t turn the music orsounds on at all.

Babies enjoy these peaceful sounds, and they arejust one more piece in the puzzle that helps you to help your baby sleep –gently, without any crying at all.

Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill/ContemporaryPublishing from The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your BabySleep Through the Night by Elizabeth Pantley, copyright 2002

Website: www.pantley.com/elizabeth

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The Baby Blues

By Elizabeth Pantley, author of Gentle Baby Care

I remember when I was lying in my hospital bed after thebirth of my fourth child, Coleton. I had endured a full day of labor and adifficult delivery (who says the fourth one comes easily?), and I was tiredbeyond explanation. After the relief of seeing my precious new child came anuncontrollable feeling to close my eyes and sleep. As my husband cradlednewborn Coleton, I drifted off; my parting thoughts were, “I can’t do this. Idon’t have the energy. How will I ever take care of a baby?” Luckily for me, afew hours of sleep, a supportive family, and lucky genes were all it took tofeel normal again. But as many as 80% of new mothers experience a case of thebaby blues that lasts for weeks after the birth of their baby. This isn’tsomething new mothers can control ¾ there’s no place for blame. The most wonderful andcommitted mothers, even experienced mothers of more than one child, can get thebaby blues.

What are baby blues?

Your baby’s birth has set into motion great changes in yourbody and in your life, and your emotions are reacting in a normal way. Dramatichormonal shifts occur when a body goes from pregnant to not pregnant in amanner of minutes. Add to this your new title (Mommy!) and the responsibilitiesthat go with it, and your blues are perfectly understandable. You’re not alone;this emotional letdown during the first few weeks is common after birth. Justremember that your state of mind has a physical origin and is exacerbated bychallenging circumstances ¾ and you and your body will adjust to both soon.

How do I know if I have the baby blues?

Every woman who experiences the baby blues (also calledpostpartum blues) does so in a different way. The most common symptoms include:

• Anxiety and nervousness
• Sadness or feelings of loss
• Stress and tension
• Impatience or a short temper
• Bouts of crying or tearfulness
• Mood swings
• Difficulty concentrating
• Trouble sleeping or excessive tiredness
• Not wanting to get dressed, go out, or clean up the house

Could it be more than just the baby blues?

If you’re not sure whether you have the blues ask yourdoctor or midwife, and don’t feel embarrassed: This is a question that healthcare providers hear often and with good reason. If you’re feeling thesesymptoms to a degree that disrupts your normal level of function, if your babyis more than a few weeks old, or if you have additional symptoms ¾particularly feelings of resentment or rejection toward your baby or even atemptation to harm him ¾ you may have more than the blues, you may havepostpartum depression. This is a serious illness that requires immediatetreatment. Please call a doctor or professional today. If you can’t makethe call, then please talk to your partner, your mother or father, a sibling orfriend and ask them to arrange for help. Do this for yourself and for yourbaby. If you can’t talk about it, hand this page it to someone close to you.It’s that important. You do not have to feel this way, and safetreatment is available, even if you’re breastfeeding.

How can I get rid of the blues?

While typical baby blues are fairly brief and usuallydisappear on their own, you can do a few things to help yourself feel betterand get through the next few emotional days or weeks:

· Give yourself time. Grant yourself permissionto take the time you need to become a mother. Pregnancy lasts nine months, theadoption process can take even longer, and your baby’s actual birth is only amoment ¾but becoming a mother takes time. Motherhood is an immense responsibility. Inmy opinion, it is the most overwhelming, meaningful, incredible, transformingexperience of a lifetime. No wonder it produces such emotional and physicalchange!

No other event of this magnitude would ever be takenlightly, so don’t feel guilty for treating this time in your life as the verybig deal it is. Remind yourself that it’s okay (and necessary) to focus on thisnew aspect of your life and make it your number-one priority. Tending to anewborn properly takes time ¾ all the time in his world. So, instead of feelingguilty or conflicted about your new focus, put your heart into getting to knowthis new little person. The world can wait for a few weeks.

Consider as objectively as you can just what you haveaccomplished: You have formed a new, entire person inside your own body andbrought him forth; you have been party to a miracle. Or, if you've adopted, you've chosen toinvite a miracle into your life and became an instant mother. Youdeserve a break and some space in which to just exist with your amazing littleone, unfettered by outside concerns.

· Talk to someone who understands. Talk to a sibling,relative or friend with young children about what you are feeling. Someone whohas experienced the baby blues can help you realize that they are temporary,and everything will be fine. A confidante can also serve as a checkpoint whocan encourage you to seek help if he or she perceives that you need it.

·Reach out and get out. Simplygetting out (if you are physically able and okayed for this by your health careprovider) and connecting with people at large can go a long way towardreorienting your perspective. Four walls can close in very quickly, so changethe scenery and head to the mall, the park, the library, a coffeehouse ¾whatever place you enjoy. You’ll feel a sense of pride as strangers ooh and ahhover your little one, and your baby will enjoy the stimulation, too.

· Join a support group. Joining a support group,either in person or online, can help you sort through your feelings about newmotherhood. Take care to choose a group that aligns with your core beliefsabout parenting a baby. As an example, if you are committed to breastfeeding,but most other members of the group are bottlefeeding, this may not be the bestplace for you, since your breastfeeding issues won’t be understood and youwon’t find many helpful ideas among this group. If you have multiples, apremature baby, or a baby with special needs, for example, seek out a group forparents with babies like yours. And within those parameters, look for a groupwith your same overall parenting beliefs. Just because you all have twinbabies doesn’t mean you will all choose to parent them in the same way, so tryto find like-minded new friends.

· Tell Daddy what he can do to help. It’s veryimportant that your spouse or partner be there for you right now. He may wantto help you, but he may be unsure of how. Here are a few things that he can dofor you ¾show him this list to help him help you:

• Understand. It’s critical that your spouse or partner feel that you understand that she is going through a hormonally driven depression that she cannot control ¾ and that she is not “just being grumpy.” Tell her you know this is normal, and that she’ll be feeling better soon. Simply looking over this list and using some of the ideas will tell her a lot about your commitment to (and belief in) her.
• Let her talk about her feelings. Knowing she can talk to you about her feelings without being judged or criticized will help her feel much better.
• Tend to the baby. Taking care of your baby so Mommy can sleep or take a shower can give her a breath of fresh air. Have her nurse the baby and then you can take him for a walk (using a sling will keep Baby happy) or go on an outing. A benefit for you is that most babies love to be out and about and will enjoy this special time with you.
• Step in to protect her. If she’s overwhelmed with visitors, kindly explain to company that she needs a lot of rest. Help her with whatever household duties usually fall to her (or get someone to help her) and do what you can to stay on top of yours. Worry about the house’s cleanliness or laundry upkeep will do her no good whatsoever. If relatives offer to take the baby for a few hours, or to help with the house, take them up on it.
• Tell her she’s beautiful. Most woman feel depressed about the way they look after childbirth ¾ because most still look four months pregnant! After changing so greatly to accommodate a baby’s development, a woman’s body takes months to regain any semblance of normalcy. Be patient with both her body and her feelings about it. Tell her what an amazing thing she’s accomplished. Any compliments that acknowledge her unique beauty are sure to be greatly appreciated!
• Tell her you love the baby. Don’t be bashful about gushing over the baby. Mommy loves to hear that you’re enraptured with this new little member of your family.
• Be affectionate, but be patient about sex. With all that she’s struggling with physically and emotionally, weeks may pass before she’s ready for sex (even if she’s had an OK after her checkup.) That doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you or need you ¾ she just needs a little time to get back to the physical aspects of your sexual relationship.
• Tell her you love her. Even when she isn’t feeling down, she needs to hear this ¾ and right now it’s more important for her health and well-being than ever.
• Get support for you, too. Becoming a father is a giant step in your life. Open up to a friend about how it feels to be a Dad, and do things that you enjoy, too. Taking care of yourself will help you take care of your new family.

Accept help from others. Family and friends are often happy to help ifyou just ask. When people say, “Let me know if I can do anything” they usually meanit. So, go ahead and ask kindly for what you want, whether it’s watching yourbaby so that you can nap, taking your older child to the park, helping you makea meal, or doing some laundry.

Get some sleep. Right now, sleeplessness will enhanceyour feelings of depression. So, take every opportunity to get some shuteye.Nap when the baby sleeps, go to bed early, and sleep in later in the morning ifyou can. If you are co-sleeping, take advantage of this special time when youdon’t have to get up out of bed to tend to your baby. And if your baby’s sleeppatterns are distressing to you then reach out to an experienced parent forhelp, or check out my book The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to HelpYour Baby Sleep Through the Night.

Don’t fret about perfection right now. Householdduties are not your top priority now ¾ in fact, nothing asidefrom getting to know your baby is. Remember that people are coming to see your baby,not your house, so enjoy sharing your baby with visitors without worryingabout a little clutter or dust. Simplify, prioritize, and delegate routinetasks, errands, and obligations.

Enjoy your job. If you work outside the home, thenview your time at your job as an opportunity to refresh and prepare yourself toenjoy your baby fully when you are at home. Go ahead ¾ talk about your baby andshare pictures with your co-workers. Chances are, they’ll love to hear aboutyour new little one. This is a nice and appropriate way of indulging yournatural instincts to focus on your baby when you can’t be with her.

Get into exercising. With your health careprovider’s approval, start exercising with short walks or swims. Exercisewill help you feel better in many ways both physical and emotional. Even if youdidn’t exercise before you had your baby, this is a great time to start.Studies prove that regular exercise helps combat depression, and it will helpyou regain your pre-baby body much more quickly.

Eat healthful foods. When the body isn’t properlynourished, spirits can flag ¾ particularly when the stress of recovery makes morenutritional demands. If you are breastfeeding, a nourishing diet is importantfor both you and your baby. Healthful foods, eaten in frequent meals, canprovide the nutrition you need to combat the baby blues and give you the energyyou need to handle your new role. And don’t forget to drink water and otherhealthy fluids, especially if you’re nursing! Dehydration can cause fatigue andheadaches.

Take care of yourself. Parenting a new baby is anenormous responsibility, but things will fall into place for you and everythingwill seem easier given time. During this adjustment phase, try to do a fewthings for yourself. Simple joys like reading a book, painting your nails,going out to lunch with a friend or other ways in which you nourish your spiritcan help you feel happier.

Love yourself. You are amazing: You’ve become motherto a beautiful new baby. You’ve played a starring role in the production of anincredible miracle. Be proud of what you’ve accomplished, and take the time toknow and enjoy the strong, capable, multifaceted person you are becoming.

This article is a copyrighted excerpt from Gentle Baby Care by Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003) Proud Mama To

Newborn Babies and Sleep

By Elizabeth Pantley,author of The No-Cry Sleep Solution

Congratulations on the birth of your new baby. This is aglorious time in your life – and a sleepless time too. Newborns have verydifferent sleep needs than older babies. This article will help you understandyour baby’s developing sleep patterns, and will help you have reasonableexpectations for sleep.

Read, Learn, and Beware of Bad Advice

Absolutely everyone has an opinion about how youshould handle sleep issues with your new baby. The danger to a new parent isthat these tidbits of misguided advice (no matter how well-intentioned) cantruly have a negative effect on our parenting skills and, by extension, ourbabies’ development…if we are not aware of the facts. The more knowledgeyou have the less likely that other people will make you doubt your parentingdecisions.

When you have your facts straight, and when you have aparenting plan, you will be able to respond with confidence to those who arewell-meaning but offering contrary or incorrect advice. So, your first step isto get smart! Know what you are doing, and know why you are doingit. Read books and magazines, attend classes or support groups – it all helps.

The Biology of Newborn Sleep

During the early months of your baby's life, he sleeps whenhe is tired, it’s that simple. You can do little to force a new baby to sleepwhen he doesn’t want to sleep, and conversely, you can do little to wake him upwhen he is sleeping soundly.

Newborn babies have very tiny tummies. They grow rapidly,their diet is liquid, and it digests quickly. Although it would be nice to layyour little bundle down at bedtime and not hear from him until morning, this isnot a realistic goal for a tiny baby. Newborns need to be fed every two to fourhours — and sometimes more.

Sleeping “through thenight”

You may believe that babies should start "sleepingthrough the night" soon after birth. For a new baby, a five-hour stretch isa full night. Many (but not all) babies can sleep uninterrupted from midnight to 5 a.m.(Not that they always do.) This may be a far cry from what you may have thought"sleeping through the night" meant!

What's more, some sleep-through-the-nighters will suddenlybegin waking more frequently, and it’s often a full year or even two until yourbaby will settle into an all-night, every night sleep pattern.

Falling Asleep at the Breast orBottle

It is natural for a newborn to fall asleep while sucking atthe breast, a bottle, or a pacifier. When a baby always falls asleepthis way, he learns to associate sucking with falling asleep; over time, hecannot fall asleep any other way. This is probably the most natural, pleasantsleep association a baby can have. However, a large percentage of parents whoare struggling with older babies who cannot fall asleep or stay asleep arefighting this powerful association.

Therefore, if you want your baby to be able to fall asleepwithout your help, it is essential that you sometimes let your newbornbaby suck until he is sleepy, but not totally asleep. When you can, remove thebreast, bottle, or pacifier from his mouth, and let him finish falling asleepwithout it. If you do this often enough, he will learn how to fall asleepwithout sucking.

Waking for Night Feedings

Many pediatricians recommend that parents shouldn't let anewborn sleep longer than four hours without feeding,and the majority of babies wake far more frequently than that. No matterwhat, your baby will wake up during the night. The key is to learn whenyou should pick her up for a feeding and when you can let her go back to sleepon her own.

Here’s a tip that is important for you to know. Babies makemany sleeping sounds, from grunts to whimpers to outright cries, and thesenoises don’t always signal awakening. These are what I call sleeping noises, and your baby is asleepduring these episodes.

Learn to differentiate between sleeping sounds and awakesounds. If she is awake and hungry, you’ll want to feed her as quickly aspossible so she’ll go back to sleep easily. But if she’s asleep – let hersleep!

Help Your Baby Distinguish Dayfrom Night

A newborn sleeps sixteen to eighteen hours per day, and thissleep is distributed evenly over six to seven sleep periods. You can help yourbaby distinguish between night sleep and day sleep, and thus help him sleeplonger periods at night.

Have your baby take his daytime naps in a lit room where hecan hear the noises of the day. Make nighttime sleep dark and quiet, except forwhite noise (a background hum). You can also help your baby differentiate dayfrom night by using a nightly bath and a change into pajamas to signal thedifference between the two.

Watch for Signs of Tiredness

Get familiar with your baby's sleepy signals and put herdown to sleep as soon as she seems tired. A baby who is encouraged to stayawake when her body is craving sleep is an unhappy baby. Over time, thispattern develops into sleep deprivation, which complicates developing sleepmaturity. Learn to read your baby’s sleepy signs -- such as quieting down,losing interest in people and toys, and fussing -- and put her to bed when thatwindow of opportunity presents itself.

Make Yourself Comfortable

It’s a fact that your baby will be waking you up, so youmay as well make yourself as comfortable as possible. Relax about night wakingsright now. Being frustrated about having to get up won’t change a thing. Thesituation will improve day by day; and before you know it, your newborn won’tbe so little anymore — she’ll be walking and talking and getting intoeverything in sight…during the day, and sleeping peacefully all night long.

Excerpted with permissionby McGraw-Hill/Contemporary Publishing from The No-Cry Sleep Solution:Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night by Elizabeth Pantley,copyright 2002 http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth Proud Mama To

Colic – Does Your Baby Have it? What Can You Do About It?

By Elizabeth Pantley, author ofGentle Baby Care and The No-Cry Sleep Solution

You may have heard the term colic applied to any baby whocries a great deal. Not all crying babies have colic, but all colicky babiescry ¾and they cry hard. They may stiffen their little bodies, or curl up as if inpain. They may cry so hard that they don’t seem like they even know you arethere. When babies cry like this, they take in a lot of air, which creates gas andmore pain, which makes them cry even more.

Researchers arestill unsure of colic’s exact cause. Some experts believe that colic isrelated to the immaturity of a baby’s digestive system. Others theorize that ababy’s immature nervous system and inability to handle the constant sensorystimulation that surrounds her cause a breakdown by the end of the day, whencolic most often occurs.

Dr. Harvey Karp, in his book The Happiest Baby on theBlock (Bantam Books, 2002) introduced a new theory. He believes that babiesare born three months too early, and that some babies find their new world toodifficult to handle. They yearn for the comforting conditions that occurred inthe womb.

Whatever the cause, and it may be a combination of all thetheories; colic is among the most exasperating conditions that parents of newbabies face. Colic occurs only to newborn babies, up to about four to fivemonths of age. Symptoms include:

• A regular period of nonstop, inconsolable crying, typically late in the day
• Crying bouts that last one to three hours or more
• A healthy and happy disposition at all other times of the day

Cancolic be prevented?

Given that we aren’t sure what causes colic, we don’t knowif it can be prevented. Even if you do everything “right” and take all thesteps to discourage colic, it still may happen. If you think your baby hascolic, talk with your pediatrician and take your baby in for a checkup to ruleout any medical cause for your baby’s crying. If your baby is given a cleanbill of health, then you’ll know colic is the culprit in the daily cryingbouts.

Since colic occurs in newborns, parents often feel that theyare doing something wrong to create the situation. Their vulnerability and lackof experience puts them in the position of questioning their own ability totake care of their baby. Hearing your baby cry with colic, and not knowing whyit’s happening or what to do about it is painful for you; I know this becauseone of my four children suffered with colic. Although many years have passedsince then (Angela is now 15), I remember it vividly. Hearing my baby cry nightafter night and not knowing how to help her was gut wrenching, heartbreaking,and frustrating. The most important piece of research I discovered was this: It’snot your fault. Any baby can have colic.

Things that may help your baby

Remember that nothing you do willeliminate colic completely until your baby’s system is mature and ableto settle on its own. That said, experienced parents and professionals canoffer ways to help your baby though this time ¾ ask around! I did, andfrom what I uncovered, I compiled the following suggestions for helping yourbaby feel better. Look for patterns to your baby’s crying; these can provideclues as to which suggestions are most likely to help. Stick with an idea for afew days to see if it helps. Watch for any signs of improvement (notnecessarily complete quiet). If the particular course of action doesn’t seem tochange anything, don’t get discouraged ¾ just try something else:

· If breastfeeding, feed on demand (cue feeding),for nutrition as well as comfort, as often as your baby needs a calminginfluence.

· If breastfeeding, try avoiding foods that maycause gas in your baby. Eliminate one possible cause for a few days and see ifit makes a difference. The most common baby tummy offenders are dairy products,caffeine, cabbage, broccoli and other gassy vegetables. But don’t assume theculprit, if there is one, will be obvious: I know one mother whose baby reactedloudly and consistently after any meal that included eggplant, asparagus oronions.

· If bottlefeeding, offer more frequent butsmaller meals; experiment with different formulas with your doctor’s approval.

· If bottlefeeding, try different types of bottles and nipples that prevent airfrom entering your baby as he drinks, such as those with curved bottles orcollapsible liners.

· Holdyour baby in a more upright position for feeding and directly afterwards.

· Experimentwith how often and when you burp your baby.

· Offer meals in a quiet setting.

· If baby likes a pacifier, offer him one.

· Invest in a baby sling or carrier and use itduring colicky periods.

· If the weather’s too unpleasant for an outsidestroll, bring your stroller in the house and walk your baby around.

· Give your baby a warm bath.

· Place a warm towel or wrapped water bottle onbaby’s tummy (taking caution that the temperature is warm but not hot).

· Hold your baby with her legs curled up towardher belly.

· Massage your baby’s tummy, or give him a fullmassage.

· Swaddle your baby in a warm blanket.

· Lay your baby tummy down across your lap andmassage or pat her back.

· Hold your baby in a rocking chair, or put him ina swing.

· Walk with Baby in a quiet, dark room while youhum or sing.

· Try keeping your baby away from highlystimulating situations during the day when possible to prevent sensoryoverload, and understand that a particularly busy day may mean a fussierevening.

· Lie on your back and lay your baby on top ofyour tummy down while massaging his back. (Transfer your baby to his bed if hefalls asleep.)

· Take Baby for a ride in the car.

· Play soothing music or turn on white noise suchas a vacuum cleaner or running water, or play a CD of nature sounds.

· As a last resort, ask your doctor aboutmedications available for colic and gas.

Tips for coping

As difficult as colic is for a baby,it is just as challenging for the parents. This can be especially hard for amother who has other children to care for, who has returned to work, or who issuffering from the baby blues or postpartum depression. Even if everything elsein life is perfect, colic is taxing. Here are a few things you can do to takesome of the stress out of these colicky times:

· Know that your baby will cry during hiscolicky time, and while you can do things to make your baby more comfortable,nothing you can do will totally stop the crying. This is not aresult of anything you’ve done or not done.

· Plan outings for the times of day when baby isusually happy, or if outings keep your baby happy, plan them for the colicky times.

· Take advantage of another person’s offer to takea turn with the baby, even if it’s just so that you can take a quiet bath orshower.

· Keep reminding yourself that this is onlytemporary; it will pass.

· Avoid keeping a long to-do list right now; onlydo what’s most important.

· Talk to other parents of colicky babies so youcan share ideas and comfort each other.

· If the crying is getting to you and making youtense or angry, put your baby in his crib, or give him to someone else to holdfor a while so that you don’t accidentally shake or harm your baby. (Shaking ababy can cause permanent brain damage, so if you feel angry, and colic can dothat to you, put your baby down.)

· Know that babies do not suffer long-term harmfrom having colic.

When should I call the doctor?

Anytime you are concerned about yourbaby, call your doctor. That goes for anything concerning your precious littleone. In the case of colic, be sure to make that call if you notice any of thefollowing:

· Your baby’s crying is accompanied by vomiting.

· Your baby is not gaining weight.

· The colicky behavior lasts longer than fourmonths.

· Your baby seems to be in pain.

· Your baby has a fever.

· Your baby doesn’t want to be held or handled.

· The crying spree isn’t limited to one bout inthe evening.

· Your baby does not have regular bowel movementsor wet diapers.

· You notice other problems that don’t appear onthe previous list of symptoms.

· Your baby’s crying is making you angry ordepressed.

This article isan excerpt from Gentle Baby Care by Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

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