The Baby Blues

By Elizabeth Pantley, author of Gentle Baby Care

I remember when I was lying in my hospital bed after thebirth of my fourth child, Coleton. I had endured a full day of labor and adifficult delivery (who says the fourth one comes easily?), and I was tiredbeyond explanation. After the relief of seeing my precious new child came anuncontrollable feeling to close my eyes and sleep. As my husband cradlednewborn Coleton, I drifted off; my parting thoughts were, “I can’t do this. Idon’t have the energy. How will I ever take care of a baby?” Luckily for me, afew hours of sleep, a supportive family, and lucky genes were all it took tofeel normal again. But as many as 80% of new mothers experience a case of thebaby blues that lasts for weeks after the birth of their baby. This isn’tsomething new mothers can control ¾ there’s no place for blame. The most wonderful andcommitted mothers, even experienced mothers of more than one child, can get thebaby blues.

What are baby blues?

Your baby’s birth has set into motion great changes in yourbody and in your life, and your emotions are reacting in a normal way. Dramatichormonal shifts occur when a body goes from pregnant to not pregnant in amanner of minutes. Add to this your new title (Mommy!) and the responsibilitiesthat go with it, and your blues are perfectly understandable. You’re not alone;this emotional letdown during the first few weeks is common after birth. Justremember that your state of mind has a physical origin and is exacerbated bychallenging circumstances ¾ and you and your body will adjust to both soon.

How do I know if I have the baby blues?

Every woman who experiences the baby blues (also calledpostpartum blues) does so in a different way. The most common symptoms include:

• Anxiety and nervousness
• Sadness or feelings of loss
• Stress and tension
• Impatience or a short temper
• Bouts of crying or tearfulness
• Mood swings
• Difficulty concentrating
• Trouble sleeping or excessive tiredness
• Not wanting to get dressed, go out, or clean up the house

Could it be more than just the baby blues?

If you’re not sure whether you have the blues ask yourdoctor or midwife, and don’t feel embarrassed: This is a question that healthcare providers hear often and with good reason. If you’re feeling thesesymptoms to a degree that disrupts your normal level of function, if your babyis more than a few weeks old, or if you have additional symptoms ¾particularly feelings of resentment or rejection toward your baby or even atemptation to harm him ¾ you may have more than the blues, you may havepostpartum depression. This is a serious illness that requires immediatetreatment. Please call a doctor or professional today. If you can’t makethe call, then please talk to your partner, your mother or father, a sibling orfriend and ask them to arrange for help. Do this for yourself and for yourbaby. If you can’t talk about it, hand this page it to someone close to you.It’s that important. You do not have to feel this way, and safetreatment is available, even if you’re breastfeeding.

How can I get rid of the blues?

While typical baby blues are fairly brief and usuallydisappear on their own, you can do a few things to help yourself feel betterand get through the next few emotional days or weeks:

· Give yourself time. Grant yourself permissionto take the time you need to become a mother. Pregnancy lasts nine months, theadoption process can take even longer, and your baby’s actual birth is only amoment ¾but becoming a mother takes time. Motherhood is an immense responsibility. Inmy opinion, it is the most overwhelming, meaningful, incredible, transformingexperience of a lifetime. No wonder it produces such emotional and physicalchange!

No other event of this magnitude would ever be takenlightly, so don’t feel guilty for treating this time in your life as the verybig deal it is. Remind yourself that it’s okay (and necessary) to focus on thisnew aspect of your life and make it your number-one priority. Tending to anewborn properly takes time ¾ all the time in his world. So, instead of feelingguilty or conflicted about your new focus, put your heart into getting to knowthis new little person. The world can wait for a few weeks.

Consider as objectively as you can just what you haveaccomplished: You have formed a new, entire person inside your own body andbrought him forth; you have been party to a miracle. Or, if you've adopted, you've chosen toinvite a miracle into your life and became an instant mother. Youdeserve a break and some space in which to just exist with your amazing littleone, unfettered by outside concerns.

· Talk to someone who understands. Talk to a sibling,relative or friend with young children about what you are feeling. Someone whohas experienced the baby blues can help you realize that they are temporary,and everything will be fine. A confidante can also serve as a checkpoint whocan encourage you to seek help if he or she perceives that you need it.

·Reach out and get out. Simplygetting out (if you are physically able and okayed for this by your health careprovider) and connecting with people at large can go a long way towardreorienting your perspective. Four walls can close in very quickly, so changethe scenery and head to the mall, the park, the library, a coffeehouse ¾whatever place you enjoy. You’ll feel a sense of pride as strangers ooh and ahhover your little one, and your baby will enjoy the stimulation, too.

· Join a support group. Joining a support group,either in person or online, can help you sort through your feelings about newmotherhood. Take care to choose a group that aligns with your core beliefsabout parenting a baby. As an example, if you are committed to breastfeeding,but most other members of the group are bottlefeeding, this may not be the bestplace for you, since your breastfeeding issues won’t be understood and youwon’t find many helpful ideas among this group. If you have multiples, apremature baby, or a baby with special needs, for example, seek out a group forparents with babies like yours. And within those parameters, look for a groupwith your same overall parenting beliefs. Just because you all have twinbabies doesn’t mean you will all choose to parent them in the same way, so tryto find like-minded new friends.

· Tell Daddy what he can do to help. It’s veryimportant that your spouse or partner be there for you right now. He may wantto help you, but he may be unsure of how. Here are a few things that he can dofor you ¾show him this list to help him help you:

• Understand. It’s critical that your spouse or partner feel that you understand that she is going through a hormonally driven depression that she cannot control ¾ and that she is not “just being grumpy.” Tell her you know this is normal, and that she’ll be feeling better soon. Simply looking over this list and using some of the ideas will tell her a lot about your commitment to (and belief in) her.
• Let her talk about her feelings. Knowing she can talk to you about her feelings without being judged or criticized will help her feel much better.
• Tend to the baby. Taking care of your baby so Mommy can sleep or take a shower can give her a breath of fresh air. Have her nurse the baby and then you can take him for a walk (using a sling will keep Baby happy) or go on an outing. A benefit for you is that most babies love to be out and about and will enjoy this special time with you.
• Step in to protect her. If she’s overwhelmed with visitors, kindly explain to company that she needs a lot of rest. Help her with whatever household duties usually fall to her (or get someone to help her) and do what you can to stay on top of yours. Worry about the house’s cleanliness or laundry upkeep will do her no good whatsoever. If relatives offer to take the baby for a few hours, or to help with the house, take them up on it.
• Tell her she’s beautiful. Most woman feel depressed about the way they look after childbirth ¾ because most still look four months pregnant! After changing so greatly to accommodate a baby’s development, a woman’s body takes months to regain any semblance of normalcy. Be patient with both her body and her feelings about it. Tell her what an amazing thing she’s accomplished. Any compliments that acknowledge her unique beauty are sure to be greatly appreciated!
• Tell her you love the baby. Don’t be bashful about gushing over the baby. Mommy loves to hear that you’re enraptured with this new little member of your family.
• Be affectionate, but be patient about sex. With all that she’s struggling with physically and emotionally, weeks may pass before she’s ready for sex (even if she’s had an OK after her checkup.) That doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you or need you ¾ she just needs a little time to get back to the physical aspects of your sexual relationship.
• Tell her you love her. Even when she isn’t feeling down, she needs to hear this ¾ and right now it’s more important for her health and well-being than ever.
• Get support for you, too. Becoming a father is a giant step in your life. Open up to a friend about how it feels to be a Dad, and do things that you enjoy, too. Taking care of yourself will help you take care of your new family.

Accept help from others. Family and friends are often happy to help ifyou just ask. When people say, “Let me know if I can do anything” they usually meanit. So, go ahead and ask kindly for what you want, whether it’s watching yourbaby so that you can nap, taking your older child to the park, helping you makea meal, or doing some laundry.

Get some sleep. Right now, sleeplessness will enhanceyour feelings of depression. So, take every opportunity to get some shuteye.Nap when the baby sleeps, go to bed early, and sleep in later in the morning ifyou can. If you are co-sleeping, take advantage of this special time when youdon’t have to get up out of bed to tend to your baby. And if your baby’s sleeppatterns are distressing to you then reach out to an experienced parent forhelp, or check out my book The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to HelpYour Baby Sleep Through the Night.

Don’t fret about perfection right now. Householdduties are not your top priority now ¾ in fact, nothing asidefrom getting to know your baby is. Remember that people are coming to see your baby,not your house, so enjoy sharing your baby with visitors without worryingabout a little clutter or dust. Simplify, prioritize, and delegate routinetasks, errands, and obligations.

Enjoy your job. If you work outside the home, thenview your time at your job as an opportunity to refresh and prepare yourself toenjoy your baby fully when you are at home. Go ahead ¾ talk about your baby andshare pictures with your co-workers. Chances are, they’ll love to hear aboutyour new little one. This is a nice and appropriate way of indulging yournatural instincts to focus on your baby when you can’t be with her.

Get into exercising. With your health careprovider’s approval, start exercising with short walks or swims. Exercisewill help you feel better in many ways both physical and emotional. Even if youdidn’t exercise before you had your baby, this is a great time to start.Studies prove that regular exercise helps combat depression, and it will helpyou regain your pre-baby body much more quickly.

Eat healthful foods. When the body isn’t properlynourished, spirits can flag ¾ particularly when the stress of recovery makes morenutritional demands. If you are breastfeeding, a nourishing diet is importantfor both you and your baby. Healthful foods, eaten in frequent meals, canprovide the nutrition you need to combat the baby blues and give you the energyyou need to handle your new role. And don’t forget to drink water and otherhealthy fluids, especially if you’re nursing! Dehydration can cause fatigue andheadaches.

Take care of yourself. Parenting a new baby is anenormous responsibility, but things will fall into place for you and everythingwill seem easier given time. During this adjustment phase, try to do a fewthings for yourself. Simple joys like reading a book, painting your nails,going out to lunch with a friend or other ways in which you nourish your spiritcan help you feel happier.

Love yourself. You are amazing: You’ve become motherto a beautiful new baby. You’ve played a starring role in the production of anincredible miracle. Be proud of what you’ve accomplished, and take the time toknow and enjoy the strong, capable, multifaceted person you are becoming.

This article is a copyrighted excerpt from Gentle Baby Care by Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003) Proud Mama To

Newborn Babies and Sleep

By Elizabeth Pantley,author of The No-Cry Sleep Solution

Congratulations on the birth of your new baby. This is aglorious time in your life – and a sleepless time too. Newborns have verydifferent sleep needs than older babies. This article will help you understandyour baby’s developing sleep patterns, and will help you have reasonableexpectations for sleep.

Read, Learn, and Beware of Bad Advice

Absolutely everyone has an opinion about how youshould handle sleep issues with your new baby. The danger to a new parent isthat these tidbits of misguided advice (no matter how well-intentioned) cantruly have a negative effect on our parenting skills and, by extension, ourbabies’ development…if we are not aware of the facts. The more knowledgeyou have the less likely that other people will make you doubt your parentingdecisions.

When you have your facts straight, and when you have aparenting plan, you will be able to respond with confidence to those who arewell-meaning but offering contrary or incorrect advice. So, your first step isto get smart! Know what you are doing, and know why you are doingit. Read books and magazines, attend classes or support groups – it all helps.

The Biology of Newborn Sleep

During the early months of your baby's life, he sleeps whenhe is tired, it’s that simple. You can do little to force a new baby to sleepwhen he doesn’t want to sleep, and conversely, you can do little to wake him upwhen he is sleeping soundly.

Newborn babies have very tiny tummies. They grow rapidly,their diet is liquid, and it digests quickly. Although it would be nice to layyour little bundle down at bedtime and not hear from him until morning, this isnot a realistic goal for a tiny baby. Newborns need to be fed every two to fourhours — and sometimes more.

Sleeping “through thenight”

You may believe that babies should start "sleepingthrough the night" soon after birth. For a new baby, a five-hour stretch isa full night. Many (but not all) babies can sleep uninterrupted from midnight to 5 a.m.(Not that they always do.) This may be a far cry from what you may have thought"sleeping through the night" meant!

What's more, some sleep-through-the-nighters will suddenlybegin waking more frequently, and it’s often a full year or even two until yourbaby will settle into an all-night, every night sleep pattern.

Falling Asleep at the Breast orBottle

It is natural for a newborn to fall asleep while sucking atthe breast, a bottle, or a pacifier. When a baby always falls asleepthis way, he learns to associate sucking with falling asleep; over time, hecannot fall asleep any other way. This is probably the most natural, pleasantsleep association a baby can have. However, a large percentage of parents whoare struggling with older babies who cannot fall asleep or stay asleep arefighting this powerful association.

Therefore, if you want your baby to be able to fall asleepwithout your help, it is essential that you sometimes let your newbornbaby suck until he is sleepy, but not totally asleep. When you can, remove thebreast, bottle, or pacifier from his mouth, and let him finish falling asleepwithout it. If you do this often enough, he will learn how to fall asleepwithout sucking.

Waking for Night Feedings

Many pediatricians recommend that parents shouldn't let anewborn sleep longer than four hours without feeding,and the majority of babies wake far more frequently than that. No matterwhat, your baby will wake up during the night. The key is to learn whenyou should pick her up for a feeding and when you can let her go back to sleepon her own.

Here’s a tip that is important for you to know. Babies makemany sleeping sounds, from grunts to whimpers to outright cries, and thesenoises don’t always signal awakening. These are what I call sleeping noises, and your baby is asleepduring these episodes.

Learn to differentiate between sleeping sounds and awakesounds. If she is awake and hungry, you’ll want to feed her as quickly aspossible so she’ll go back to sleep easily. But if she’s asleep – let hersleep!

Help Your Baby Distinguish Dayfrom Night

A newborn sleeps sixteen to eighteen hours per day, and thissleep is distributed evenly over six to seven sleep periods. You can help yourbaby distinguish between night sleep and day sleep, and thus help him sleeplonger periods at night.

Have your baby take his daytime naps in a lit room where hecan hear the noises of the day. Make nighttime sleep dark and quiet, except forwhite noise (a background hum). You can also help your baby differentiate dayfrom night by using a nightly bath and a change into pajamas to signal thedifference between the two.

Watch for Signs of Tiredness

Get familiar with your baby's sleepy signals and put herdown to sleep as soon as she seems tired. A baby who is encouraged to stayawake when her body is craving sleep is an unhappy baby. Over time, thispattern develops into sleep deprivation, which complicates developing sleepmaturity. Learn to read your baby’s sleepy signs -- such as quieting down,losing interest in people and toys, and fussing -- and put her to bed when thatwindow of opportunity presents itself.

Make Yourself Comfortable

It’s a fact that your baby will be waking you up, so youmay as well make yourself as comfortable as possible. Relax about night wakingsright now. Being frustrated about having to get up won’t change a thing. Thesituation will improve day by day; and before you know it, your newborn won’tbe so little anymore — she’ll be walking and talking and getting intoeverything in sight…during the day, and sleeping peacefully all night long.

Excerpted with permissionby McGraw-Hill/Contemporary Publishing from The No-Cry Sleep Solution:Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night by Elizabeth Pantley,copyright 2002 http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth Proud Mama To

Colic – Does Your Baby Have it? What Can You Do About It?

By Elizabeth Pantley, author ofGentle Baby Care and The No-Cry Sleep Solution

You may have heard the term colic applied to any baby whocries a great deal. Not all crying babies have colic, but all colicky babiescry ¾and they cry hard. They may stiffen their little bodies, or curl up as if inpain. They may cry so hard that they don’t seem like they even know you arethere. When babies cry like this, they take in a lot of air, which creates gas andmore pain, which makes them cry even more.

Researchers arestill unsure of colic’s exact cause. Some experts believe that colic isrelated to the immaturity of a baby’s digestive system. Others theorize that ababy’s immature nervous system and inability to handle the constant sensorystimulation that surrounds her cause a breakdown by the end of the day, whencolic most often occurs.

Dr. Harvey Karp, in his book The Happiest Baby on theBlock (Bantam Books, 2002) introduced a new theory. He believes that babiesare born three months too early, and that some babies find their new world toodifficult to handle. They yearn for the comforting conditions that occurred inthe womb.

Whatever the cause, and it may be a combination of all thetheories; colic is among the most exasperating conditions that parents of newbabies face. Colic occurs only to newborn babies, up to about four to fivemonths of age. Symptoms include:

• A regular period of nonstop, inconsolable crying, typically late in the day
• Crying bouts that last one to three hours or more
• A healthy and happy disposition at all other times of the day

Cancolic be prevented?

Given that we aren’t sure what causes colic, we don’t knowif it can be prevented. Even if you do everything “right” and take all thesteps to discourage colic, it still may happen. If you think your baby hascolic, talk with your pediatrician and take your baby in for a checkup to ruleout any medical cause for your baby’s crying. If your baby is given a cleanbill of health, then you’ll know colic is the culprit in the daily cryingbouts.

Since colic occurs in newborns, parents often feel that theyare doing something wrong to create the situation. Their vulnerability and lackof experience puts them in the position of questioning their own ability totake care of their baby. Hearing your baby cry with colic, and not knowing whyit’s happening or what to do about it is painful for you; I know this becauseone of my four children suffered with colic. Although many years have passedsince then (Angela is now 15), I remember it vividly. Hearing my baby cry nightafter night and not knowing how to help her was gut wrenching, heartbreaking,and frustrating. The most important piece of research I discovered was this: It’snot your fault. Any baby can have colic.

Things that may help your baby

Remember that nothing you do willeliminate colic completely until your baby’s system is mature and ableto settle on its own. That said, experienced parents and professionals canoffer ways to help your baby though this time ¾ ask around! I did, andfrom what I uncovered, I compiled the following suggestions for helping yourbaby feel better. Look for patterns to your baby’s crying; these can provideclues as to which suggestions are most likely to help. Stick with an idea for afew days to see if it helps. Watch for any signs of improvement (notnecessarily complete quiet). If the particular course of action doesn’t seem tochange anything, don’t get discouraged ¾ just try something else:

· If breastfeeding, feed on demand (cue feeding),for nutrition as well as comfort, as often as your baby needs a calminginfluence.

· If breastfeeding, try avoiding foods that maycause gas in your baby. Eliminate one possible cause for a few days and see ifit makes a difference. The most common baby tummy offenders are dairy products,caffeine, cabbage, broccoli and other gassy vegetables. But don’t assume theculprit, if there is one, will be obvious: I know one mother whose baby reactedloudly and consistently after any meal that included eggplant, asparagus oronions.

· If bottlefeeding, offer more frequent butsmaller meals; experiment with different formulas with your doctor’s approval.

· If bottlefeeding, try different types of bottles and nipples that prevent airfrom entering your baby as he drinks, such as those with curved bottles orcollapsible liners.

· Holdyour baby in a more upright position for feeding and directly afterwards.

· Experimentwith how often and when you burp your baby.

· Offer meals in a quiet setting.

· If baby likes a pacifier, offer him one.

· Invest in a baby sling or carrier and use itduring colicky periods.

· If the weather’s too unpleasant for an outsidestroll, bring your stroller in the house and walk your baby around.

· Give your baby a warm bath.

· Place a warm towel or wrapped water bottle onbaby’s tummy (taking caution that the temperature is warm but not hot).

· Hold your baby with her legs curled up towardher belly.

· Massage your baby’s tummy, or give him a fullmassage.

· Swaddle your baby in a warm blanket.

· Lay your baby tummy down across your lap andmassage or pat her back.

· Hold your baby in a rocking chair, or put him ina swing.

· Walk with Baby in a quiet, dark room while youhum or sing.

· Try keeping your baby away from highlystimulating situations during the day when possible to prevent sensoryoverload, and understand that a particularly busy day may mean a fussierevening.

· Lie on your back and lay your baby on top ofyour tummy down while massaging his back. (Transfer your baby to his bed if hefalls asleep.)

· Take Baby for a ride in the car.

· Play soothing music or turn on white noise suchas a vacuum cleaner or running water, or play a CD of nature sounds.

· As a last resort, ask your doctor aboutmedications available for colic and gas.

Tips for coping

As difficult as colic is for a baby,it is just as challenging for the parents. This can be especially hard for amother who has other children to care for, who has returned to work, or who issuffering from the baby blues or postpartum depression. Even if everything elsein life is perfect, colic is taxing. Here are a few things you can do to takesome of the stress out of these colicky times:

· Know that your baby will cry during hiscolicky time, and while you can do things to make your baby more comfortable,nothing you can do will totally stop the crying. This is not aresult of anything you’ve done or not done.

· Plan outings for the times of day when baby isusually happy, or if outings keep your baby happy, plan them for the colicky times.

· Take advantage of another person’s offer to takea turn with the baby, even if it’s just so that you can take a quiet bath orshower.

· Keep reminding yourself that this is onlytemporary; it will pass.

· Avoid keeping a long to-do list right now; onlydo what’s most important.

· Talk to other parents of colicky babies so youcan share ideas and comfort each other.

· If the crying is getting to you and making youtense or angry, put your baby in his crib, or give him to someone else to holdfor a while so that you don’t accidentally shake or harm your baby. (Shaking ababy can cause permanent brain damage, so if you feel angry, and colic can dothat to you, put your baby down.)

· Know that babies do not suffer long-term harmfrom having colic.

When should I call the doctor?

Anytime you are concerned about yourbaby, call your doctor. That goes for anything concerning your precious littleone. In the case of colic, be sure to make that call if you notice any of thefollowing:

· Your baby’s crying is accompanied by vomiting.

· Your baby is not gaining weight.

· The colicky behavior lasts longer than fourmonths.

· Your baby seems to be in pain.

· Your baby has a fever.

· Your baby doesn’t want to be held or handled.

· The crying spree isn’t limited to one bout inthe evening.

· Your baby does not have regular bowel movementsor wet diapers.

· You notice other problems that don’t appear onthe previous list of symptoms.

· Your baby’s crying is making you angry ordepressed.

This article isan excerpt from Gentle Baby Care by Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

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Choosing a Baby Carrier

By ElizabethPantley, Author of Gentle Baby Care

Most parents find a baby carrier to be invaluable during thefirst year of their baby’s life. There are many types and styles to choose from.The different types of baby carriers fall into three main categories: slings,front packs and backpacks.

Slings

These are made of fabric and are available in a wide varietyof styles. They “sling” sash-style over your shoulder to hold baby in front ofyou. Slings offer many benefits to both baby and parent. Here are some of themost commonly cited by experienced sling-users:

• A sling is perfect for the newborn months, when Baby needs to be held often in your arms, as opposed to being pushed at arm’s length in a stroller.
• A sling is an excellent way to carry your baby around the house because it keeps your baby happy while leaving your two arms free to go about your daily tasks.
• Sling carriers are multi-purpose. You can use them to carry your baby, to create privacy for breastfeeding, and to cover your sleeping baby. Some feature a tail that can double as a blanket or coverup.
• Putting your baby into (and getting him back out of) a sling is a breeze. You can even get a sleeping baby in and out of one of these soft carriers without waking her.
• You can carry your baby in a variety of positions.
• Slings are small, lightweight and easy to transport.
• Slings are wonderful to use when a stroller would be inconvenient, such as up stairs, through large crowds or narrow aisle ways, or over rough terrain ¾ or when you’ll be going in and out of the car frequently.
• Slings put your baby at the height of people’s faces instead of at their knees.
• You can use a sling right up through toddlerhood, when little legs get tired of walking.

An important note about baby slings: They can be confusingto use at first, and your baby can slide out of the bottom if not positionedcorrectly. Try to find an experienced sling-user, a how-to video, or aknowledgeable sales clerk to help you master the art of baby slinging. Your localLa Leche League leader may be able to offer pointers, too.

Slings are very much worth the effort. I bought a sling whenmy second baby, Vanessa, was born. I couldn’t figure it out, so I left it inthe closet. When my third baby, David, was born, I attended a mother-babyclass, learned how to use my sling ¾ and was immediately hooked! I used slings extensivelywith my third and fourth babies and found them to be a marvelous baby caretool.

PARENT TIP

“I put my newborn in the sling so I could sit in bed at night with mytoddler and read books. It kept us all together, my hands free and gave readingtime to BOTH boys!”

Amy, mother of AJ (4) andRyder (2)

Front packs

Front pack carriers are similar to slings in use but aremore complex in their structure. They have a seat that attaches to the front ofyou with straps that crisscross behind you; these straps secure the carrier toyour body. Here’s what you need to know about front packs:

• The benefits of front packs are similar to many of those of slings, such as their light weight and portability, and the fact that you can carry your baby while keeping your arms and hands free.
• Some allow you to choose between carrying your baby facing inward toward you or outward, facing the world – which is often fun for older babies.
• Settling the baby into and out of the carrier require more steps than a sling does.
• Moving a sleeping baby into or out of the carrier is difficult, unless the seat unbuckles separately from the harness.
• Front packs are better suited to a baby who is strong enough to hold his head upright.

Backpacks

A back carrier is similar to a camping backpack. It has aseat for your baby that attaches to your back with a frame and straps thatcross over your shoulders. A few things to know about backpacks:

• They’re perfect for an older baby who loves to look around and be carried high on your shoulders.
• Many backpacks have pouches for holding supplies.
• Some models have a canopy for inclement weather or sun protection.
• Getting a backpack off (and putting it on) are typically two-person tasks.
• Backpacks are best for an older baby who can sit up well.
• They’re great for an all-day trip, such as hiking, shopping or visiting an amusement park

How do you decide which carrier to use?

No single baby carrier is perfect for all parents. Everyparent has different needs, preferences and proportions. Many people actuallybegin with one type of carrier and move on to another when their babies getolder.

First, think about how you plan to use a carrier. Will youuse it primarily at home, instead of a stroller while away from home, or both?Do you already have a stroller, or must your carrier fill all yourbaby-carrying needs? Defining its purpose will help you choose which carrier isbest for you. Read the package information (or talk to other parents who own asimilar carrier) to learn which purposes it serves best and to determine if itmatches your needs.

The very best way to decide? Try carriers on ¾either at the store or with a friend who owns one. Actually putting your babyin the carrier will give you the best idea as to fit, but if you are shoppingwithout your baby (or don’t have your baby yet!) try using a stuffed animalfrom the toy department.

PARENT TIP

“A baby carrier can help new adoptive parents to decline politely thosewho want to hold your baby while he still needs exclusive Mommy or Daddycontact. The carrier can be especially helpful in difficult situations such asvisits to your child's orphanage or former foster parents.”*

¾ Laurel, mother of 16-month-old Crystal

* This is also an excellent idea for parents who blanch at the thoughtof their tiny newborn being passed around the room from person to person!

Points to consider when purchasing a carrier:

• Comfort. Does the carrier feel good to you?
• Fit for your baby. Does it seem to suit your baby well?
• Fit for you. Does it fit your size and body type? Can you carry the baby without strain?
• Safety. Will the baby be secure and well supported?
• Features. Does it meet your needs?
• Usability. Can you easily get your baby in and out of the carrier? How about putting it on and taking it off? Keep in mind that some models require practice.
• Construction. Does the fabric suit your wardrobe, climate and needs (i.e., lightweight for summer, weatherproof for outdoor use)?
• Care. Is it machine-washable or easy to wipe clean?
• Flexibility. Can you carry your baby in various positions?
• Adjustability. Can it be tightened or adjusted to fit you when you are at home in indoor clothing or outside wearing a coat? Can you adjust it easily for use by others?
• Adaptability. Will it work for your baby now as well as six months from now?
• Appearance. Do you like the style? Will you enjoy wearing it?

This article is an excerpt from Gentle Baby Care by ElizabethPantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

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Choosing Toys for Babies

By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Gentle Baby Care

Youmay not be sure what kind of toys, or how many, your baby should have. It’slikely that you hear conflicting advice that runs from one extreme to another!It’s either: “Don’t give your baby toys ¾ he’ll be spoiled,” to“Give your baby lots of toys ¾ they develop his brain.” So…which is it?

Bothsides of this debate have valid points. A baby does indeed learn from thethings she plays with, and the more things she has access to, the more she canlearn. With this in mind, many parents spend a fortune buying toys; however,many toys hold a child’s attention for three or four days, only to be relegatedto the bottom of the toybox or back of a shelf.

Babieslearn about their world by using all five of their senses: sight, hearing,taste, smell, and touch. Toys engage and refine these senses by:

• Helping your baby learn how to control his movements and body parts
• Helping your baby figure out how things work
• Showing your baby how he can control things in his world
• Teaching your baby new ideas
• Building your baby’s muscle control, coordination, and strength
• Teaching your baby how to use his imagination
• Showing your baby how to solve simple problems
• Helping your baby learn how to play by himself
• Setting the foundation for learning how to share and cooperate with others

Expertsagree that babies need a variety of toys to enrich their lives and encouragelearning. While your baby can learn from expensive store-bought toys, she canalso learn from a crumpled piece of paper, a set of measuring spoons, an emptybox, or a leaf. Everything is new and interesting to a baby, and if you openyour eyes to the many wonders in our world, you’ll see that you don’t have tospend a fortune to keep your baby happy, interested, and learning.

What“home-grown” toys are best?

Asyou view the whole world as a bottomless toybox, here are some tips toconsider:

• Search for items of different weights, materials, textures, flexibility, sizes, shapes, colors, and smells. (Most store-bought baby toys are primary-colored plastic; that’s why your metal keys on a leather key ring are so very appealing ¾ they’re different!)

• Babies are generalists. Your little one will apply what he learns from one object to any other that is similar. Therefore, don’t give him an old book or magazine to scribble in unless you want all of your books to be potential notepads. A sealed bottle may look fun, but your baby may then think he can play with your pill bottles.
• Take a closer look at the things you consider “trash.” Some may be valuable toys! Empty boxes, egg cartons, and tin containers are just a few examples of everyday castoffs that, once cleaned, can provide endless hours of play.

PARENT TIP

“I made a great set of blocks for mydaughter by collecting an assortment of empty boxes from regular householdproducts and covering them with contact paper. They are colorful, light weightand man interesting shapes and sizes.”

Yu-ting, mother of Shu-Lin (3 years old)

• Your kitchen is overflowing with baby toys! Once your little one begins to crawl, it’s time to rearrange the kitchen. Put all your baby-safe items, such as plastic containers, pots and pans, potholders and canned goods, in your lower cabinets and let your baby know where his “toys” are. You’ll have to relax your housekeeping standards and deal with disorganized cabinets for a while, but the play potential is so fantastic that it’s worth it!
• Young children love water play, and a bowl or pan of water along with spoons and cups of various sizes make a fabulous source of fun. You can put your baby in his high chair, sit him on the floor on a beach towel, or take him outside in a shady spot if the weather’s warm. I guarantee he’ll be soaked when he’s done, but that will be after a very long and happy play session.
• Containers to fill and empty are lots of fun for a baby. You can safely fulfill your older baby’s desire to manipulate small things by filling a large bowl with a variety of colorful children’s cereals (nothing hard or ball-shaped) and supplying spoons, measuring cups, and other containers. Since you’re using cereal pieces, it’s okay if some end up in his mouth. Don’t try this with beads, seeds, macaroni, or other items that pose a choking hazard.

What store-bought toysare best?

Awhile ago, I went to the toy store to buy my youngest child, Coleton, a toythat my older three adored when they were babies. It was a simple pop-up toyfor toddlers with various buttons, levers, and dials. I found a bewilderingvariety of this kind of toy, but to my dismay, every single one was electronic.They made sounds, they made music, they had blinking lights ¾ they just about playedby themselves! I finally had to order the prized toy from a specialty catalogthat carries “back to basics” toys. Sure, electronic toys can be exciting ¾ for a while ¾ but they can also stuntyour baby’s developing ability to imagine and manipulate (and let’s face it:those repetitive electronic sounds can get annoying). If a toy does everythingby itself, it loses its potential as a tool for developing creativity. Also, ifyour little one gets used to these toys, then simple pleasures like woodenblocks seem boring by comparison because he expects the blocks to play forhim. And those simple toys are among the very best for baby playtime.

Lookfor these qualities as you shop for your baby:

• Long-term play value: Will this hold your little one’s attention for more than a few weeks?
• Durability: Will it hold up when sat on, thrown, jumped on, mouthed, or banged?
• Solid simplicity: Babies don’t need complicated toys.
• Challenge: Look for toys that teach but do not frustrate.
• Appropriateness. Does it match your baby’s thinking, language, and motor skills?
• Interest: Will it encourage your baby to think?
• Stimulation: How does this toy foster creativity and imagination?
• Interactiveness: Does it engage your child or just entertain him as he watches passively?
• Versatility: Can your baby play with this in more than one way?
• Washability: Well-loved toys tend to get very dirty!
• Fit with your family value system: Does this toy reflect your family’s particular values? For example, is the toy friendly to the environment? Does it promote diversity? Are you comfortable with what the toy represents?
• Novelty: Is this toy different from others your baby already has? You don’t want a toy box filled with 30 different kinds of rattles!
• Fun appeal: Is it something that you will enjoy playing with, too? Toys that encourage you to play along with your baby are ideal.

Besttoys for young babies:

Boardbooks

Footor hand puppets

Musicaltoys

Rattles

Small,lightweight, easy-to-grasp toys

Squeakytoys

Teethingrings

Toyswith high-contrast graphics, bright colors, or black-and-white patterns

Besttoys for older babies:

Activityboxes (levers/buttons/dials/hinges)

Balls

Beginningpuzzles (two or three large pieces; knobs are helpful)

Blocks

Carsand trucks

Chunkysmall people and accessories

Dollsand stuffed animals

Hammeringtoys

Largeinterlocking beads

Modelingdough

Musicaltoys

Nestingcups

Pegboards

Picturebooks

Plasticanimals

Pop-uptoys

Pushor pull toys

Shapesorters

Stackingrings

Toyversions of everyday items (telephones, cooking utensils, doctor kits)

Toysyou still remember from your childhood (The classics endure and are always agood bet!)

Washablecrayons or markers and blank paper

Playtime

Asyou give you baby new things to play with, keep in mind that there is no rightway to play with toys. For example, a puzzle is not always for “puzzling.” Thepieces make great manipulative characters, can be sorted or put in boxes, andmake interesting noises when banged together or against an empty pot. Childrenlearn through play, so any toy they enjoy playing with is, by definition,educational.

Safetyfor all toys

Alwaysconsider well the safety aspects of anything your baby is going to playwith. Here are a few ways to keep playtime safe:

• Discard any plastic wrapping, plastic bags, packaging, or tags before giving a toy to a baby.
• Always watch for choking hazards. Anything small enough to fit in your baby’s mouth has the potential for danger. Watch for pieces that may become loose from a larger object, too. Make sure that no small parts can be pulled off or chewed off the toy.
• Check the paint or finish on the toy to make sure it is non-toxic, since babies put everything in their mouths.
• Check toys for sharp points, rough edges, rust, and broken parts.
• Always abide by the age rating on the package. No matter how smart your child is or how wonderful the toy, don't second-guess the manufacturer, since age rankings often are given due to safety issues. If you choose to purchase a toy with an older age recommendation, make certain that the toy is used only when you are playing with your baby, and that it is stored where your baby can’t get to it without your supervision.
• Remove rattles, squeeze toys, teethers, stuffed animals, and other small toys from the crib or bed when your baby goes to sleep for naps or bedtime. The exception here is a specialty made-for-baby toy that has been carefully created to be a safe sleeping lovey.
• Avoid pull toys with long cords that could wind around your baby’s neck. Pull toys for babies should have either very short strings or rigid handles.
• Make sure toys are properly assembled, with no loose parts.
• Beware of excessively loud toys. Babies tend to hold things close to their faces, and you want to protect your baby’s sensitive ears.
• Buy mobiles or crib toys from reputable manufacturers, and make sure that they attach to the crib without dangling strings. Remove mobiles and other crib toys once your baby can sit up.
• Make sure that toys are never left on stairs, in doorways, or in walkways.
• Your baby’s toybox should have a special safety lid (or no lid at all) to prevent it from slamming on your baby's head or hands, or trapping your baby inside. There shouldn’t be any hinges that could pinch little fingers.
• Never give a baby a balloon, Styrofoam, or plastic wrap as a toy; these present a serious choking hazard, since they cannot be expelled using the Heimlich maneuver.
• If a toy is second-hand (whether purchased from a second-hand store or garage sale, or given to you by a friend or relative), give all of the above rules extra consideration. If you have any doubts, always err on the side of safety and discard the toy. Don’t let your baby play with a paint-finished toy that appears to be older than a few years ¾ the paint may be lead-based, which poses serious hazards to a baby who touches or mouths it.

• Keep toys (and parts of toys) designed for older children out of the hands of babies. Your baby may like to play with toys belonging to an older sibling or friend, but these are geared, safety-wise, to older kids and are not safe for little ones to use without very close supervision.

This article is an excerpt from Gentle Baby Care byElizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003) http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

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NORTH CAROLINA RANK CHANGES SLIGHTLY: INDICATORS SHOW MORE WORK NEEDED ON BEHALF OF CHILDREN AND YOUTH

RALEIGH— A report released today by the Annie E. Casey Foundation of Baltimore, Md., ranks North Carolina 38th in the nation—a slight improvement from 39th in 2007—on 10 key indicators of child well-being, including family income, health and education. "North Carolina's change in rank is driven more by the performance of other states than by significant changes in the numbers for North Carolina's children," said Barbara Bradley, President and CEO of Action for Children North Carolina. "It is crystal clear that more work remains to be done. Infant well-being in our state has stalled, the percent of low birth-weight babies hovers at 9% and the infant mortality rate has climbed slightly to 8.8 per 1,000 live births." Fortunately for older children, aged 16 to 19, North Carolina has decreased the number of children not in school and not working by 27% since 2000. "Transitioning young people into productive roles in the economy and ensuring they have a sound basic education to be successful is essential to the long-term growth of North Carolina's economy," said Bradley. However, North Carolina's children have seen no significant improvement in the security of their parent’s employment. As of 2006, one-in-three children in the state have parents without secure employment. "The continued transformation of North Carolina’s economy could partly be driving this finding,” said Bradley. “Clearly, North Carolina needs to redouble efforts to provide greater support so that parents can meet their children’s basic needs." This year the Annie E. Casey KIDS COUNT Data Book examines our national obligations to youth in the criminal justice system in order to highlight that our nation’s juvenile justice systems are within reach of a fundamental, essential and long-overdue transformation. Promising reforms are now well underway in a number of jurisdictions, and the foundations for deeper and more systemic change are firmly established. Data show that in 2006, North Carolina’s rate of detained and committed youth in custody (per 100,000 youth ages 10-15) was 82, which was far lower than a rate of 125 per 100,000 youth for the nation. That year, the state’s estimated daily count of detained and committed youth in custody was 1,029 youth. Of these youth, 59% were in custody for non-violent offenses, slightly lower than the 66% for the nation. "North Carolina remains one of only three states to automatically try and sentence children aged 16 and 17 as adults for any crime and thus these figures present only part of the picture," said Bradley. "What's important to realize is that in 2004, in North Carolina, more 16- and 17-year-olds had contact with the adult system than the entire population in the juvenile system. Research shows that trying youth as adults increases violence and crime and puts young offenders in danger of abuse and suicide. Research supports the need to offer our youth a developmentally appropriate, research based continuum of services, not simply punishment. We are poised to turn a crucial corner, both nationally and at the state level. The time for reform is now." Offering a series of models based on evidence-based programs, the Data Book calls for state and local leaders, in particular, to reaffirm their commitment to juvenile justice reform and to take steps to ensure the dual outcomes of positive youth outcomes and improved public safety. Base-year data used in the KIDS COUNT Data Book are from year 2000, with current year data being from year 2005 or 2006. Only Arizona, Georgia, Kentucky, Tennessee, Oklahoma, West Virginia, Arkansas, South Carolina, Alabama, New Mexico, Louisiana and Mississippi ranked worse than North Carolina. This is the 19th annual KIDS COUNT Data Book from the Annie E. Casey Foundation. It examines key indicators of child well-being across all 50 states and the District of Columbia. The indicators presented in the KIDS COUNT Data Book include infant mortality, child and teen deaths, teen births, teen dropouts and child poverty. The attached chart shows North Carolina’s statistics and rankings on each indicator compared to the national average. The 2008 KIDS COUNT Data Book is available online at www.ncchild.org.

Action for Children North Carolina is a leading statewide nonprofit organization based in Raleigh. Since its founding in 1983, Action for Children has been the leading voice for North Carolina’s children. Current efforts are focused in the following major areas: Health, Safety, Early Care, Education, Family Economic Issues, Child Maltreatment and Juvenile Justice. Action for Children is the KIDS COUNT partner in North Carolina and the state affiliate of the national organization, Voices for America’s Children. For more information, visit www.ncchild.org.

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Thank you,

Action for Children North Carolina

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Handling Unwanted Advice

By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Gentle Baby Care

“Help! I’m getting so frustrated withthe endless stream of advice I get from my mother-in-law and brother! No matterwhat I do, I’m doing it wrong. I love them both, but how do I get them to stopdispensing all this unwanted advice?”

Just as your baby is an important part of your life, heis also important to others. People who care about your baby are bonded to youand your child in a special way that invites their counsel. Knowing this maygive you a reason to handle the interference gently, in a way that leaveseveryone’s feelings intact.

Regardless of the advice, it is your baby, and inthe end, you will raise your child the way that you think best. So it’s rarelyworth creating a war over a well-meaning person’s comments. You can respond tounwanted advice in a variety of ways:

Listen first

It’s natural to be defensive if you feel that someone isjudging you; but chances are you are not being criticized; rather, the otherperson is sharing what they feel to be valuable insight. Try to listen - youmay just learn something valuable.

Disregard

If you know that there is no convincing the other personto change her mind, simply smile, nod, and make a non-committal response, suchas, “Interesting!” Then go about your own business...your way.

Agree

You might find one part of the advice that you agreewith. If you can, provide wholehearted agreement on that topic.

Pick your battles

If your mother-in-law insists that Baby wear a hat on yourwalk to the park, go ahead and pop one on his head. This won’t have anylong-term effects except that of placating her. However, don’t capitulate onissues that are important to you or the health or well-being of your child.

Steer clear of the topic

If your brother is pressuring you to let your baby cry tosleep, but you would never do that, then don’t complain to him about your babygetting you up five times the night before. If he brings up the topic,then distraction is definitely in order, such as, “Would you like a cup ofcoffee?”

Educate yourself

Knowledge is power; protect yourself and your sanity byreading up on your parenting choices. Rely on the confidence that you are doingyour best for your baby.

Educate the other person

If your “teacher” is imparting information that you knowto be outdated or wrong, share what you’ve learned on the topic. You may beable to open the other person’s mind. Refer to a study, book, or report thatyou have read.

Quote a doctor

Many people accept a point of view if a professional hasvalidated it. If your own pediatrician agrees with your position, say, “Mydoctor said to wait until she’s at least six months before starting solids.” Ifyour own doctor doesn’t back your view on that issue, then refer toanother doctor - perhaps the author of a baby care book.

Be vague

You can avoid confrontation with an elusive response. Forexample, if your sister asks if you’ve started potty training yet (but you aremany months away from even starting the process), you can answer with, “We’removing in that direction.”

Ask foradvice!

Your friendly counselor is possibly an expert on a fewissues that you can agree on. Search out these points and invite guidance.She’ll be happy that she is helping you, and you’ll be happy you have a way toavoid a showdown about topics that you don’t agree on.

Memorize a standard response

Here’s a comment that can be said in response to almostany piece of advice: “This may not be the right way for you, but it’s the rightway for me.”

Be honest

Try being honest about your feelings. Pick a time free ofdistractions and choose your words carefully, such as, “I know how much youlove Harry, and I’m glad you spend so much time with him. I know you thinkyou’re helping me when you give me advice about this, but I’m comfortable withmy own approach, and I’d really appreciate if you’d understand that.”

Find a mediator

If the situation is putting a strain on your relationshipwith the advice-giver, you may want to ask another person to step in for you.

Search out like-minded friends

Join a support group or on-line club with people whoshare your parenting philosophies. Talking with others who are raising theirbabies in a way that is similar to your own can give you the strength to facepeople who don’t understand your viewpoints.

This article is an excerpt from Gentle Baby Care byElizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

You are welcome to reprint this article on yourwebsite or in your newsletter, provided that you reprint the entire article,including the complete byline with author's name and book title. Please alsosend a link or copy to elizabeth@pantley.com. Thank you.

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